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Fri 19 Sep, 2003 11:48 pm
K, so here's where I'm at... My boyfriend and I have decided to move out. SEPERATLY. Yup, it's just not going well with us living together. We're not married and yet we are in a marraige type relationship. This is B-A-D. I'm stifling him, he's draining me. NOT GOOD.
But, I'm really not sure what to do now.. I found a place to live with a friend from work (no, we're not going to see eachother at work and home cause she works different days). I'll be living with Aaron for another month (giving nottice to the landlord on the 1st) and it's going to be really hard. I'm having issues cause it's such a huge change. I HATE CHANGE. I'm horrible with it. Typical Cancer: the home is the center. I feel like I failed at this relationship and am just generaly down...
He still wants to stay together. Just not be holding eachother down. I understand and can see that it would probably bring us closer because we would be making time for eachother instead of just assuming. But I'm scared because it seems like such a huge step back.
Any advice out there? Any advice on moving or changes?? I'm SCARED!!
My advice is too long to post here, now. Makng a life together between two people, whether it is living together before perhaps getting married, or getting married, or living together with no interest at all in getting married..
lots of questions. Usually all of this doesn't work out, because most people haven't thought of how how they feel about stuff that happens when you do share a place.
Trust me, a mere piffle before what happens if you are married and have a baby.
There is a reason why older people say WAIT...
older people aren't always nutso.
The useful info they/I have to give is that
you need to become you, figure out who you are, first..
Frankly, everybody should do this before ceding territory in something like marriage, known to many as a lifetime commitment.
This wasn't a lecture. Simple blasting warning.
Exactly. Thanks...
I'm not ready for marraige and yet I was in this enormous relationsip that seemed like marrage. I think I felt belittled because he has been in 2 previous very serious relationships (he has a child with one, and gave a ring to the other). I felt the preasure of wanting that too. No, no child or ring, just the wanting I guess... But I've realized that he has grown form those experiences and doesn't want to make the same mistakes. I'm glad. I'll know for next time too...
And yes, waiting is good... who knows, maybe in a few years when we've grown form other mistakes we'll be ready... We both love eachother but now is just not what we need.
I'm still scared, it's so hard sleeping with him and talking and joking... we're good friends and have a very passionate relationship most of the time (like before we moved in). This should be a good thing...
But change is hard! Yikes,,, and to think that life is all about change... I need it to slow down just a tad so I can catch my breath.
Eileen
I know there's nothing I can say that will take away your fear, but I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you. You seem like a very nice person and I'm sure everything will fall into place in time. Going off on your own is always scary, so know that you're not alone and keep your chin up girl. We are always here to talk too if ever you need us ;-)
Eileen, you have just encountered a speed bump on life's road; one that caused temporary annoyance and agitation. Steer a straight course, watch for more speed bumps. You make the decisions.
Oh... and don't give any money to Coco.
yeah whats up with that kid? Do we get those a lot here??
Not so's you'd notice.
Definitely less than pan-handlers at Yonge and Bloor.
How are you doing today, Eileen?
I'm alright... We still have a lot of the same problems and we're still planing on trying to work through some of them together (such as councelling for some topics that I've discussed previously here). We are not ready to whole together while we're still working on being whole ourselves. It's so hard.
He went away for the weekend hunting, so I get to breath a bit and think clearly. I do hope that we can work together and fix some stuff, and in the meantime, this speration will allow us to grow individauly.. right?
It sound like a good idea to me. It's great that you can both resolve your differences by talking about them. That is truely a gift in itself.
Eileen - there are some relationships that grow best together, and others that need the partners to grow and become stronger individually first. It's good that the two of you are making an effort to take care of yourselves first - I think it can only be good.
thanks so much.... it gives me a bit of confidence to think that this could be a good idea and might actually help our relationship.. I'll keep this open just to keep you guys updated in whats happening. thanks again
We'll be around.
Be well, Eileen.
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