I don't know if my husband loves me, likes me or just plain hate me...

Reply Mon 15 Sep, 2008 11:49 pm
My husband and i met in high school he was my first everything...and well now we are married which was a decision made very quickly. anyways we have almost 4 yrs of marriage, and we have a 21 month old son. well the problem is that he has anger issues. he gets verbally and in some occassions physicaly. He punches holes in the walls and grabs me very thight. he says he loves me but honestly i dought he does. He has no patients with me and always does this thing where pretty much he is letting me know that he is going to explode. in high school i always tried to break up with him but he always incisted that we stayed together..I was stupid to let him manipulate me..anyway like i said he was my first everything and i don't have too much experience with relationships and it just makes me wonder if he loves me..honestly i feel useless when he treats me bad it has gotten to the point to where i grab a pnife to threate him.. the only reason i did it was because I wanted him to feel like i feel when he treats me bad. I m so scared i don't know what to do I don't want our son to see how his father treats me. We have gone to couseling and it helped a bit but he needs more help.. I always wonder if he really loves me he says he does but he treats me like crap..i need help..sometimes i feel is because of me that maybe if he would be with someone else he would be better..I don't know what to think anybody out there to help me please!!!
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Reply Tue 16 Sep, 2008 01:47 am
Let me advise 2 things:
1 ) As I read your post, I was reminded of how irritable I was
about 30 years ago. Tho I was polite to others, I got angry
and impatient against myself when I made little mistakes.
A friend suggested that I take something available in healthfood stores
called Pantothenic Acid. When I took this, I calmed down.
I was no longer so irritable; of course, it is possible that irritability
can result from other causes.
In retrospect, it seems like I had a mineral deficiency of that.

2 ) If you have found it necessary to defend yourself with a threat
of deadly violence, then it seems that you may need to evacuate,
in order to avoid a possible homicide; (you mentioned need of a defensive knife).

Maybe your family (parents ?) can advise you about how to safely get away.

Possibly you might see if the Pantothenic Acid calms him down
before deciding whether to remain with him.

I wish you the best.

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Reply Tue 16 Sep, 2008 01:51 am
You may also consider taking counsel of a lawyer
who specializes in matrimonial litigation.
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Reply Tue 16 Sep, 2008 04:35 am
Talk to your friends, your family, your doctor, a member of your clergy -- in short, anyone within your social circle, and explain what is going on, and ask for confidence, at least to start. You should not be his punching bag and, you're right -- your son should not be exposed to this.

You do not deserve to be treated this way. Life is not meant to be this way. Love is not meant to be this way. Reveal this information to someone close to you, and soon, before the violence escalates any further.
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Reply Tue 16 Sep, 2008 05:42 am
I will echo the idea of telling someone.
The less you talk, the more he hits. Talking to people and telling them what is going on in your home IS a number one key to helping yourself and your son.

No. If man hits you over and over again, threatens you, and loves to scare you, he does not love you.

And if he behaves that way who cares if he will be happier with someone else? Get that bastard away from you.

What will you do if he hits your son ? If he does not have enough respect for you, your son can and may get hit too.

Oh honey.. tell someone. Talk to someone. If for any other reason, if you think things can work, you can not make them work until you TALK. being quiet is telling him you are ok with what he is doing. Being quiet gives him safety in what he is doing. And being quiet does not help.
Reply Tue 16 Sep, 2008 05:44 am
And David has a point that there could be something going on with your husband. Dont be afraid to speak up to a doctor as well, but do it from the safety of someone elses home.

An extreme example could be a mental disorder of some kind that may embarass him. If you speak about it and he doesnt want you to, then he may hit you for that too. Put enough space between you and his anger so that you can safely help him if you choose to.
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