2
   

Liberal, Conservative and Texan answers

 
 
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 11:35 am
Question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun and what kind of message does this send to society and my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he
was stabbing me?
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a
conclusion.

Conservative Answer:

BANG!

Texan's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click... (sounds of reloading).

Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving, what do you kids think?"

Son: "Mom's right Dad, I saw it too..."

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: "Nice group, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
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Type: Discussion • Score: 2 • Views: 2,511 • Replies: 28
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Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 11:38 am
Obviously this thread should be moved to the jokes section -- under the heading Very Bad Jokes.
0 Replies
 
joefromchicago
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 12:00 pm
You're lying in bed next to your wife. On the night table next to you is a telephone, an alarm clock, and a Glock .40 handgun. In the middle of the night, while you're sound asleep, the telephone rings. What do you do?

Liberal Answer:
Groggy and half-awake, you reach around the table in the darkness, feel for the handgun, then the alarm clock, then pick up the telephone receiver and answer the phone.

Conservative Answer:
You sit bolt-upright in the bed. Half-awake and totally in the dark, you grab the alarm clock and attempt to pull the trigger, you hit the snooze button on the telephone, and then you put the handgun up to your ear and answer it. BANG!

Texan's Answer:
You sit bolt-upright in the bed. Half-awake and totally in the dark, you grab the alarm clock and attempt to pull the trigger, you hit the snooze button on the telephone, and then you put the handgun up to your ear and answer it. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Honey, it's for you."
0 Replies
 
Dartagnan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 12:06 pm
I like joe's joke better. That scenario probably comes up a lot more often, too!
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 12:14 pm
And it seems to me the statistics show that the kids in McG's little story are in greater danger of being shot with the gun their father was toting -- than the gun any criminal is carrying.
0 Replies
 
Dartagnan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 12:23 pm
Statistics show that everyone in the house has a better chance of committing suicide, too...
0 Replies
 
joefromchicago
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 12:53 pm
I thought of a better punch line (in italics):

Texan's Answer:
You sit bolt-upright in the bed. Half-awake and totally in the dark, you grab the alarm clock and attempt to pull the trigger, you hit the snooze button on the telephone, and then you put the handgun up to your ear and answer it. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Honey, it's for you. I think it's your mother."
0 Replies
 
cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 02:13 pm
I posted this joke months ago. Actually, statistics show that private gun ownership assisted in the prevention of in excess of 2 million violent crimes last year alone in the U.S.

Responsible people SHOULD own guns. They SHOULD teach their children how to hunt and fish safely. No need to shoot anybody unless they're trying to hurt you or your family.

How can you say that about making suicide easier? Hell, can't a person just swallow a bottle of aspirin? That's an utterly ignorant comment.
0 Replies
 
cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 02:15 pm
http://www.asrpa.com/billboards/kleckstudy.htm
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 02:17 pm
Sure are lots of "statistics" being bandied about in this thread.

I offered some.

Now here is cj offering more.

Did you know that 87.6% of all statistics are made up right on the spot?
0 Replies
 
cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 02:19 pm
Provided a link Frank.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 02:27 pm
LOL
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 02:39 pm
http://www.commondreams.org/headlines02/0301-04.htm


http://www.jointogether.org/gv/help/parents/what/whatF/


I see your link, cj, and raise you one.


BTW -- I am not against gun ownership.
0 Replies
 
cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 02:48 pm
I would suggest the numbers you present are largely the result of irresponsible gun owners. People can buy guns without knowing how to handle them.

This is why I'm teaching my children healthy respect for guns, how to handle them, and to get the hell away if they ever see someone handling them improperly. No such thing as an unloaded gun.
0 Replies
 
Dartagnan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 03:14 pm
Everyone, presumably, has access to aspirin, cjhsa, but not everyone has a gun in the house. Some people use these guns to commit suicide. Would they all have reached in to the medicine chest and swallowed all the aspirin needed to achieve suicide? Somehow I doubt it.

And studies have been done linking access to guns to suicide. No, I don't have one at my fingertips, so you can dismiss this if you wish.
0 Replies
 
cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 03:38 pm
Lessee, people hang themselves quite often with sheets. Sheets kill people.

Some folks like to slit their wrists. Knives and razors kill people.

I'd say people use guns to commit suicide probably because they are more certain about the outcome. Obviously, there is a matter of personal choice involved here and certainly, an inanimate object cannot make that choice.
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 04:34 pm
But, cj, one of the links I provided did mention one thing that come to bear on the discussion you are having with D'Artagnan -- and that is that suicide attempts by gun are almost 100% successful.

Swollowing a bunch of aspirins may be a cry for help -- and often that is the result.

Putting a bullet through the roof of your mouth tends to be fairly final.
0 Replies
 
cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 04:38 pm
The folks who throw themselves in front of Caltrains seem to be just as dead.
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 04:45 pm
Jeez, you guys have Caltrains in your homes for quick use????

I didn't know that.

Sorry.
0 Replies
 
cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Sep, 2003 05:00 pm
Nope, we have guns, knives, prickly artichokes and enough liberals to bore us all to death in a hurry.
0 Replies
 
 

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