Affairs on the job

Held liable for what?

What should the company have done?

Would the liability only pertain to married employees or would single employees also be restricted from relationships?

If such a law existed that allowed suits against companies for such liability and negligence, would that change how you feel about your husband's betrayal?

Sounds to me like the beef is with your husband, not the company that employs him.

I'm with Butrflynet. The company didn't make your husband have an affair. Your husband is 100% resposible for his affairs, so your beef is with him!

Oh, the answer to your question is no, you cannot take legal action against the company. Company restrictions on relationship between employees is strictly company policy and there are no laws against it.

Hello, grace! Welcome to A2K.
It seems extremely unlikely that a company could be held accountable for private relationships between it's employees.
Really, this is something to be sorted out between your husband & you.

An affair is a matter of love, and need.
When someone is ready to have an affair they will, one place or another.
There's nothing you can do to control someone.

Instead of hating and hurting someone because they need love
why not work out ones own relationship(s) to get ones own needs met?

Is there something wrong with being involved?
Are we really trying to reduce the amount of love in the world?
Why not invite, welcome, and create the good stuff
instead of amplifying the frustration and pain?

I'm sorry. Neediness is painful.
But it takes two to have a relationship: either work it out, or get out.

Hi Grace,

As others have said, I don't think you can do anything on a legal basis. But you can investigate the policies of their workplace, and if they were violating those policies, turn 'em in.

CodeBorg, I think this has come up before, but surely you don't blame the cheatee for being cheated upon? Obviously, there can be things that contribute to difficulties in a relationship, but I don't think that gives license to have an affair. (As always, "open relationships" are a different kettle of fish.) If the relationship is that bad, get out of it. THEN have whatever other relationships you want.

Hi Grace - not much you can do. Most companies that have an idea on how destructive this type of behavior is usually have a policy discouraging relationships on the job to cover for when the relationship arises out of a imbalance of power between the two parties.

Blame is all too often used to control and manipulate others. Rather than blaming someone who is wrong, and trying to hurt them and increase the damage in the world, why not get on with whatever it takes to be happier and healthier, pursuing more constructive relationships? Doesn't it seem that blame is a children's toy?

When a wife is unfaithful, it's common to ask the man what he could have done better. Should we ask Grace what she could have done to suck it up and provide for her husband better? No, I'd rather not blame anyone, man or woman, faithful or unfaithful, dedicated or callous. I can't argue with nature.

LIVE WITHIN YOUR LIMITS
Everyone has their own limits on acceptable behavior and needs to decide for themselves how much they are willing to work through or tolerate. Make your needs loud and clear, invite what you *do* want, but if things are too much then get on with life somewhere else.

IT'S TAKES TWO TO MAKE IT WORK
It sounds harsh but either work it out, both people working together, or find better things to do with your time. You can't work on a relationship all by yourself. If a spouse isn't determined to make things better then learn to enjoy life alone, by yourself or with someone else, because the partnership is factually over.

There's no reason to torture ones self trying to change someone else, and no reason to take revenge either. Trying to hurt someone only magnifies a cycle of destructiveness.



The situation sounds tumultuous and painful ... I hope things get better real soon, whatever it takes.

What CodeBorg said.

I agree with Codeborg.

With the exceptions of some affair addicted persons, it often happens that, when a relationship goes wrong, BOTH of the spouses are prone to having an affair. Usually the one with more social activity (more often, the male partner) has more chances to do what both are (in their hearts, but they don't know) ready to do.

A person who has an affair (and by that I mean an emotional relationship, not a one night stand) is usually trying to fulfill some emotional needs that the betrayed spouse is not fulfilling (being fun to be with, a good conversationalist, giving real support, good communication, good sex).
Now, usually, when a spouse is not fulfilling his/her partner's emotional needs, it because s/he is in a similar situation. It goes both ways.
The victimary usually does not know (or does not want to know) the level of suffering of the victim, but that doesn't make it a "good guy/ bad guy" situation.
I've been it both sides of the equation and, believe me, it hurt.

Excuse me, grace16, but the idea of having legal action against a company "for allowing affairs" sounds to me like saying that people are not responsible for what they do, but institutions. It also reminds me of the very American attitude: "I suffer, pay me!".
No forbiddance would have stopped your husband from having an affair, if there were troubles in your household. He could have met "her" in a gym, in a subway station, in an auction, or at church.
If your husband is a normal person (not an inveterate womanizer) the reasons behind his conduct call for soul searching in both parts. Communicate with him, not with corporate lawyers.

Sometimes marriage has economic tensions, division of labor tensions, periods when one person is feeling less open than usual, and this happens - or something like it happens - in most relationships. A flirting and apparently wonderful person at work, who understands your workday life, is very attractive.

I say this not in antagonism to affairs. I had a few affairs that are still a delight to me in retrospect, two in particular, and I wouldn't have missed those for the world. It is true that mine were when I was single, and one of the two serious affairs was with a single person. I still call it an affair because I understood completely that it wasn't going anywhere into lifetime territory.

My wise self frowns, one of these was an esteemed boss. I know better (or do I?); well, I do know about use and abuse and the powerlessness of the lower rank, and so on, but as I said, I am not sorry for a minute.

On the other side of it, my ex did have an affair, and I almost left him when I figured it out, and looking back, should have, for more complicated reasons than the affair by itself.

Whatever the scenario, the only matter I feel is the business of the Human Resources, or whatever they call it now, folk, is re abuse relative to work status, if one loses a job when turning down someone, etc. If one has grossos slavering while one is trying to do calculations.

One says no, it is no.