A *Need* for Loving Touch

I always feel like if I let somebody know I care about them, I will fall too hard and too fast. Inevitably, I do fall too hard and too fast, so this anxiety isn't without precedent. Now I am at the point that I wonder if I could have a normal relationship at all without getting way too serious. When I imagine my boyfriend holding me close, I am afraid I would not be able to let go out of neediness. I am afraid that I will start calling him constantly because I have done this is the past. I am afraid I will experience separation anxiety, which is particularly difficult since I am in a long distance relationship.

I am afraid, in short, that I won't be able to master my own emotions should I really let somebody (my current boyfriend or a future one) know that I care about him or, worse yet, should he let me know he cares about me.

Physical closeness in particular causes me a lot of anxiety and always has because I feel I cannot always master the hormonal shifts that occur when we receive loving touch. I don't know how to receive loving touch without wanting to drown in it. My mother neglected me as a child, and though I had a really loving grandmother who rocked me to sleep and scratched my back and all of that, as a baby, I fear I did not receive enough loving touch. Now when I receive it, I go crazy with the fear that I will lose it.

It's not just touch; it's love in general.

Does anybody else feel this? Even if you don't can you understand it? Do you have any advice for mastering myself and my desire for love and loving touch?