Reply
Tue 5 Aug, 2008 11:29 pm
Wow,
I feel a little ashamed of whining about my personal life in the wake of losing one of my biggest encouragers- of -seeing- things -brighter.
My ex married the woman he left me for this past weekend. All I was told was that he was taking the kids to California. So basically the kids knew of the marriage plans for at least a month before he told me. And then he didn't have the decency to tell me until after the fact.
I just hate that he put my kids in this uncomfortable situation. When will he grow up and treat me with some respect?
No way that's any fun to hear...
((((( Marty Barker )))))
Oh, Marty. I understand.
All I can say is, don't appraise yourself by his measure.
I certainly don't think of you by his measure.
(not Noddy, much more f/d up)
Aside from the issues with the kids, is it really worse than your luggage arriving a few days after your flight?
Whine away and get it out of your system your better life is just around the corner. The best thing you ever did was get rid of this guy. Live, love and enjoy life.
Good luck to you.
My first husband got married the day our divorce decree was granted, however, in N.J. there is a waiting period before the divorce is final. Does that make him a bigamist.
He married a red headed airline stewardess that got obese.Ha Ha
deceit is bad karma
How do you know, the children knew of it?
Maybe it was a surprise for them, too.
Maybe not, but does it really matter?
I would have found it worse if he had not told them either!
It's not so much that he got remarried. It's how he went about it. He told me that the kids have known for about a month. That is what upsets me the most, that they had to live with me and that knowlege until he worked up the courage or decency to tell me.
I remember having a really WEIRD feeling the day my ex got married. I did not want him back, but I was really affected by it. I even had to go home early from work that day.
I finally figured out that it was his final act of betrayal to me: he was making the same "promises" to her that he did with me - and did not keep! SOB!!!
Anyway, I got married 4 years later to a wonderful man and we've been together 24 years.
My ex? married 3 more times. alcoholic, no teeth. Really pitiful.
Time is a great revenge tool.
sullyfish6 wrote:I remember having a really WEIRD feeling the day my ex got married. I did not want him back, but I was really affected by it. I even had to go home early from work that day.
I finally figured out that it was his final act of betrayal to me: he was making the same "promises" to her that he did with me - and did not keep! SOB!!!
Anyway, I got married 4 years later to a wonderful man and we've been together 24 years.
My ex? married 3 more times. alcoholic, no teeth. Really pitiful.
Time is a great revenge tool.
Time wounds all heels :wink:
Sullyfish,
I guess you defined in words how I felt while he was telling me. But it upsets me that he made a complete fool out of me 5 years ago by leaving me with no warning and then telling people he couldn't understand how I couldn't have known he was unhappy. Then he makes a fool out of me in front of my children by showing them that he felt he couldn't tell me because I may have over-reacted
He's an ass.
You're lucky to not be with him.
Don't give him any more thought than he deserves.
I did cry a little the other night but now I realize that what's troubling me is how this divorce is affecting me. I used to feel like I was pretty confident as to what was generally right and wrong. Now I feel like I have no clue.
I feel that I made a huge mistake marrying the wrong person and whether or not I'll make the same mistake again. When I'm 80 I don't want to look back with regrets.
You wouldn't give up your kids? No?
Then you should have no regrets about your ex-marriage.
You might feel clueless for awhile, but that's normal.
Everything will be okay.
Regrets come with not taking chances.
Channel some Noddy.... Hold Your Dominion.
sullyfish6 wrote:I remember having a really WEIRD feeling the day my ex got married. I did not want him back, but I was really affected by it. I even had to go home early from work that day.
I finally figured out that it was his final act of betrayal to me: he was making the same "promises" to her that he did with me - and did not keep! SOB!!!
Anyway, I got married 4 years later to a wonderful man and we've been together 24 years.
My ex? married 3 more times. alcoholic, no teeth. Really pitiful.
Time is a great revenge tool.
true that, in the end decent people always come thru and the lame asses get effed over by themselves.
with noone to blame
Eh Marty, all I can comment on here is that there is no way you've been made a fool in the eyes of your kids.
You've been the one there for them. Day in. Day out.
That's the sort of thing a person never forgets. That's the person you feel safe with. That's the type of person you can believe in.
They've been through enough to know what is what now, I would think.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Hope you feel better and back to your self soon.
That man certainly is toxic waste to you. He knows that too.
martybarker wrote:I did cry a little the other night but now I realize that what's troubling me is how this divorce is affecting me. I used to feel like I was pretty confident as to what was generally right and wrong. Now I feel like I have no clue.
I feel that I made a huge mistake marrying the wrong person and whether or not I'll make the same mistake again. When I'm 80 I don't want to look back with regrets.
If you're hoping to go from here to 80 without making another mistake; you're setting the bar pretty high. Learn from your experience and apply what you've learned; that's all any of us can do, really. Use this as your final closure, grieve if you must, but then get busy living in the present and for the future again. Don't allow years to fly by living in the past. Or they will. And, there's no profit in that. You'd likely regret inaction far more than the mistakes you make anyway.
((((((( Martybarker ))))))
Oh Marty, I can imagine that this news gave you a hit in the stomach,
and it's perfectly understandable to feel the pain of final closure. I think your kids wanted to spare you the hurt feelings, and they most likely were torn too. They love you and they love their father as well. Without hurting you they still want to be part of their father's life too. Yes, you're entitled to be
upset, who wouldn't? Cry a bit, and then move on....
Don't see your marriage as wasted time. You loved each other at one point, you have good memories and you have two beautiful children from this
marriage. Every experience - no matter how bad - will bring you further
ahead in your own life. It's a hurdle you've overcome, you're stronger because of it!
Bill is right, you have to live in the NOW. Yesterday is a cancelled check
and tomorrow is only a promissory note - today is important! Try living
just for one day in the present - it's much harder than you think!
Thank you to everyone who posted here. I really appreciate the words of encouragment. I was at a point in my life shortly after he left that I had few good days. Now I'm at the point where the bad days are few and far between.
I'm glad I can put this behind me now, he doesn't matter to me any more. It just kills me to see how different our parenting methods are.
If you have children with this guy, you will always be "connected" in some way. Wait until you have to go to the graduations, weddings, etc.! It's going to be an exercise in patience for you, now. But you can do it!!
Learn to detach from him. He has no power over you, now.
What is exciting is that out there is someone for you. You are older and wiser and know what you don't want in a man.
Be ready for something new. To do that, you have to let go of the past.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace