Shoul I Let the affair run its course

fordgirl- Welcome to A2K!

You have left us with so many unanswered queations that I find it impossible to even venture to offer some advice. For instance:

How old are you both?
How long have you been married?
Are there any children involved?
Why are you living in two different places?
How long have you not been living together?

If you could give us something to work on, there are many people here who probably could be very helpful.

How do you know he's having an affair?

We are in our mid forties have been together for 8 years and have been living apart for 6 months, his job is in another city, I cannot join him because I need to stay here and care for our home. And I know he is having an affair because the last time he came for a visit he was seen leaving town with her in his vehicle. i have some friends that live in the same city as he does and they have seen them together on numerous occasions and he stays at here house a lot. When I call his apt at night or early morning he is never there always says he didn't hear the phone and he nevers answers his cell

just trying to get the facts straight....

does he deny having her in his vehicle?

Is this someone he works with?

What was he doing with this woman when your friends saw them?

How do you know he stays are her house?
How do you know where her house is?

If your friends have seen him with this woman on numerous occassions, why is it he hasn't seen them, even once? Or, if he has, has he tried to hid the fact he's with someone?

Being in someones car and being seen together in a city doesn't equate having an affair.

Is caring for your home a 7 day a week job?

Just some of the questions that immediately come to mind.

Yes he completely denies everything, when he stays at her house overnight I ASSUME they are sleeping together. At this time it is necessary for me to stay here. I have also seen some of the emails that she has sent to him with her WISH LIST of what she wants in a man and had never found it until she met him. I have heard messages and text messages that she has left on his phone, the question is not whether he is having an affair, the question is should I let it run its course. My head tells me to get rid of him but my hearts telling me the opposite

The second sentence in your initial post was that you cannot support yourself. My question would be why not and is this the real reason you're staying?

Do you really have a choice about this affair?

He's messing around, cause you're not around.

You should be spending weekends or weekdays with him. Then return back to the house.

Why can't you join him, even part time?

If you can't or won't, he needs to know that he must support you financially, until you can get your life together. That's about all that you can expect from him.

Sounds like you two are more than miles apart, you are light-years apart.

He is four thousand miles away

...and he drives to see you?

Many marriages survive with the spouses that far apart.

You really sound like you don't care about this and this affair is an excuse to get out of the marriage.

If you really wanted him, you'd be on a plane, today.

Tell him you know what's up and ask him what he wants to do.

He is flaunting his affair while you play the helpless little wife at home.

Take charge of your life. Tell him this arrangment sucks and you both need to get a plan for the future.

Does he want to be a husband or not? Do you want to be his wife, or not?