I feel confused

You are not a horrible person. But you should keep your eyes on your husband if you do love him. Allowing yourself to dabble outside your marriage is going to hurt him, and it may hurt you if you lose him. I doubt you are falling in love with this other person...just a crush, and it would probably burn itself out in no time. In my opinion not worth hurting someone who loves you and who you truly love.

Best wishes

I agree with mismi on this. I do think what you are feeling is normal though. I've been married 25 years to the same guy and other guys still give me those feelings. I haven't ever cheated on my husband though. The love for your husband goes beyond those butterfly feelings and it becomes a deeper love.

Only a year and you are already feeling this way?

This is a red flag for me.

I don't know if this relationship is worth keeping. Honestly.

You should still be in the honeymoon period.

Are you fighting at home? Not having sex? Not spending time together? Did you get married too fast or too young? Not date anyone else?

All these things can make you feel unsatisfied in your relationship and cause you to want to seek happiness elsewhere.

On top of this, while these feelings are ok to have as long as you don't act on them, it bothers me that you are so confused by them. If you truly loved your husband you wouldn't be confused at what to do. You'd know that these feelings were just lust/physical attraction or the excitement of something new and not love.

I think you need to take a hard look at your marriage and decide what you want. And then do it.

Oh I don't think you are a horrible person either.

Regardless of what you decide to do with this marriage.

What do you think your reaction would be, if you found your exact same post on another forum, except....it was made by your husband?

Re: I feel confused


Are you sure you are following in love or is it a crush? Sounds, at least on the surface, as a crush that will fade. How did you get in a situation where you have "fallen in love"? Are you friends, have you dated this person?

I do love him but I don't feel like its IN love. It's hard to explain



I would NEVER dream of cheating ending it would happen before I did anything like that.

I have had these feeling for a little while a month, and I have been pushing them down cause I thought it wasnt normal.



We had a huge fight about him lieing AGAIN. And he knows thats the one thing I HATE if they lie to me hes seen so many people in my life do that and yet he did it. I worked so hard to get where I am and it all was almost taken away and I would tell him how hurt I was and he would just tell me "Sorry i dont know how many times I have to tell you until you believe me"But its in a snappy tone. Nows hes asking for another chance. I used to be a huge door mat in my last relationship and I dont want to feel like that .The first he lied He said the SAMETHING hes saying now, word for word and I dont know how many of these speechs I am willing to hear. Or when I ask him things now hes snaps at me but I ask over and over cause I feel like he lies and if you dont have trust then it wont be a great marriage.

Sometimes I feel like we got married too fast.



My husband knows all about my feelings I dont lie to him about anything and thats why maybe it hurts to I have never lied to him even about the bad stuff and yet he doesnt give me that back.

I guess if we both had this post up I would feel happy because he knows how torn and how hurt I truly am but sad because I did even thing in my power to treat him right and it still wasnt enough.

This person and I have been very close friends for about a half a year so its not like hes some random person

You both need to see if you want to keep the marriage. Then work on the marriage and forget about the crush. It can still be a crush even if you have been friends for a year or so.

It appears (and of course this is only from what you post) this crush stemmed because you have issues with your husband. This person seems much better than your husband; perfect for you, but just remember you can run into similar problems with this crush/love as you currently have with your husband. Resolve or work on your problems with your husband first - if you can and think you need help see a marriage counselor or if you practice a religion a minister could help.

These feelings for the other guy have been happening for a while and I dont know how to just stop them and I dont want them keep coming up here and there I feel that thats not fair to my husband either ya know.

It sounds like your marriage isn't very good to begin with. Lying is never acceptable.

I think you need to sit down and have a discussion about whether you both want to stay in this marriage.

Linkat brings up a great point....the grass may appear to be greener on the other side but it usually never is.

Don't mistakenly believe that all or even any of your problems will go away once you get with the new guy. Could they? Of course they could. And that is what you have to weigh here. Is your marriage worth saving? Or is it time to move on?

I think I know what you mean and yes it is hard to explain. What surprises me is that you feel that way when it has only been a year. What does he have to do for you to believe in him? If you don't give him a honest chance then how can he prove it? You need to sit down with him and talk to him and listen to how he feels too. Without trust you don't have much of a marriage.

I'm going to stick with a reply to the initial post. The lying issue is something the two of you should be able to work out. Unless you're intending on executing him for one mistake. (Of course, I do not know all the details or whether his lying is a pattern, which is why I won't comment on that.)

I will comment on your feelings about this other guy. I've heard it said that the first year of marriage is the honeymoon where everything is great and you both still look at each other with googly eyes. After that, reality sets in. You begin to see more clearly the faults that didn't show up before. You realize that there is indeed some not so desirable qualities to this other person that you have yoked yourself to. You meet others who you see with the same first perspective that you once saw your mate. And the doubts begin to creep in that maybe you would be happier with this other person. (Of course, this other person has faults. They just are not yet noticeable to you.)

Welcome to marriage. Living your entire life with someone else is not easy. Love is not easy. But you live with the faults because there are more than enough good qualities in your mate to offset them. Try remembering what you saw in your husband that made you want to marry him in the first place. And don't go to crucifying him when he makes a mistake. You'll make them too and have him wondering if maybe he did the right thing to marry you. Learn to give and take (he must learn this too.)

As far as feeling guilty about having thoughts about this other guy, don't. It is natural. My wife and I have been married for 26 years now, and I still have other women turn my head now and then and make me wonder if maybe I would have been better off with someone else. And I would guess she will sometimes see some hunk of a guy and think the same thing. It's natural.

Anyway, just my two cents on everything. Take it for what it is worth. But over the years I've come to believe, as was stated in a previous post, that the grass on the other side is never as green as it appears from your side. When you get over there you can better see all the brown patches.

One last comment. You stop these feelings for this other guy by cutting off contact with him. Stop putting yourself in proximity to him without your husband present. That should do it.

Now I know what you might say to that. "Why must I stop being around this other guy?" It is all about your priorities. What is more important to you, being around this other guy or working on your marriage? The answer to that will tell you a lot about the odds of you and your husband staying together.

OK, nuff said. I don't know when to shut up sometimes. At least that's what my wife tells me.

Thank you all for your help, Him and I really need to sit down and talk it out and make sure we both walk away happy

Thanks again
Melissa

MelissaN
Hope everything works out for you

Good luck to you.