Have you ever noticed.....?

Then we have those that would never dream of waiting patiently. In the local grocery, I opened a cooler that had a variety of drinks . The ones I was interested in were nearest the floor. No sooner had I begun to bend down to read a label before making a choice than a brash young man barreled up behind me. "Excuse me," he demanded, which meant, get the hell out of my way ya old fart. When I didn't respond, he leaned over me and grabbed something from the top shelf. I came up as fast and hard as I could muster, but he avoided getting hit by my marble head and dashed away with his drink.

well, obviously that's because you're an old fart, and have never experienced anything else but your old fartiness.

why old farts insist on going out in public and getting in the way of younger people who have important things to do, like buying energy drinks and downloading itunes, I'll never know.




you know, I have even heard that these younger people have something called sex. something the rest of us would know nothing about.

He would have thought twice about messing with old farts if I had been quicker.

hmmmm 'old farts' --- had been quicker... hm

There is a contradiction here somewhere..
Where is it?


Chai wrote:



I deal with this ten times a day.
I long for the day where I just scan their forehead and the $$ is moved from their accounts to ours.

They are also the ones who, once it occurs to them that they must pay the $10.36, that they have, they are almost sure, some change. There follows a struggle, mighty mighty struggle, to determine if a particular coin is a nickel or not.

You are next in line:
if the transaction is completed in the next two minutes and twenty seconds you will
A) Make the 6:40 out of Grand Central
B) Happen to sit next to someone who will change your life forever
C) and the rest of humanity because the two of you will go on to find the cure for cancer. All cancers.

The next coin is judged to be a quarter.

Joe(It is not)Nation

oh wait....


I think I have a coupon.

still on cashier transactions....


Have you ever noticed there's always one cashier that has the hardest time figuring out you want to just pay for your **** and leave?

(keep in mind I love cashier/customer conversations, as long as things keep moving along as you're having them)

This one drug store chain always wants to scan your customer loyalty card so the government can track your whereabouts on Wednesday at 7:48pm. Oh, they try to make you think it's so you'll get the sale price just in case it's on sale. I don't buy stuff there unless it's one oddball item I need right at that moment. I don't have one of their stinkin' cards.

So, you're trying to buy some embarrassing product, which, any casual observer can see it's only something you would buy if you are in dire immediate need to either poop or stop something from oozing from your body.

The cashier is about 78 years old, so I must respect her.

Do you have a Ultra Teriffic Savings Card?

no

Oh, here, you can fill this out to sign up for one. These 5 people standing behind you won't mind waiting.


(leaning over the counter with a sudden cramp in your gut)...no


ok then, I'll just scan that....(pauses with item 1 inch from scanner)...would you like to try these white chocolates? on special today.


no

all right then.....scans item, pauses to talk about how she tried that chocolate the other day and was surpised how good it was for the price.


etc.

Although I can't think of anything that hasn't been mentioned, I feel somehow relieved and relaxed that I finally got it off my chest.

Edgar, old lady old farts are usually tough old birds, speaking personally, and can do considerable damage to young brats who think they can out manouever her. They never consider that the old fart lady has had many years of dealing with bratty young things.

Jever notice how the ads are populated with the young and beautiful,
but the reality is populated with rest of us?

I went to a clothing-optional beach in Miami last weekend (I kid thee not).
I was worried that I might not - err - maintain control, but it was no problem.

It is so sad when you can't even count on embarassing yourself.

Em-bare-assed?

Speaking of bare-assed, I was walking with a friend of mine a couple weeks ago and we noticed something. You know how it is all the rage with the young douchebags of today to wear those low-rise jeans and have only their boxer shorts covering their asses? Well on this particular night, my friend and I noticed a guy walking in front of us with his jeans low like that, but with no underwear, so as to show a couple inches of ass-crack. I swear, if this becomes the norm, I'm going to have to buy a taser gun and start meting out electric justice.

Well, I spent most of the time in the water anyway.
I did not want Mr. Happy to get sunburned.

That reminds me of the joke where this very tanned guy wanted Mr. Happy
to be tanned too. So he buried himself into the sand and left only
Mr. Happy out. He fell asleep and was rudely awaken when he felt someone ripping on Mr. Happy. He looked at an old lady standing there rejoicing:
"For 40 years I've been looking, and here they grow!!"