Losing it

I'm honestly going out of my mind here. I just can't take all the bull **** anymore. I'm back home taking care of my sick mother with my ass-hole father and my useless brother. With all the stress my dad is going through over my mom's illness he's turned into nothing but a jerk. I've mentioned things I have had to deal with pertaining to my dad and many of you already know how unfriendly our relationship is. Each day gets worse. My friends don't even want to come over anymore because they are scared of him. My friend refused to even leave my room until my dad left the house because she was petrified of going down stairs.

I can completely understand that stress causes people to lash out, but the way my dad talks to me and treats me sometimes gets too hard to handle. Since my mom is ill my dad can't take out all of his frustrations on her so she doesn't get yelled at. And since my dad refuses to talk to my brother or even ask him to lift a finger in any of my mom's medical care, guess who takes the brunt of all my dad's anger. ME! Most of you already know I have put my entire life on hold so that I can help take care of my mom, the household, and the pets.

So without trying to get into too much detail, here is a perfect example of how my household has always run and who gets treated like what:

Tonight for dinner my dad decided to pick up some food at Chilis down the street. He brings it home and tells me that my mom and I will be sharing a salad. So like the responsible adult I am, I go down stairs, take out two bowls and start splitting up the salad. My dad comes down the stairs with my mom just as I start pulling silverwear for everyone out of the drawer. He sees that I have one bowl of salad in my hand and starts screaming at me telling me how rude I am and how I'm only thinking about myself and basically how dare I eat salad when no one else was around, and then he starts making up some story accusing me of never intending to actually sit down with the family to eat... even though I set a place for myself as well as everyone else. Without even asking what I am doing he just automatically assumes I don't care about anyone... over salad.

So I try to explain myself and all he does is talk over me and tell me that no matter what I say to him to explain myself, that I am rude and there isn't anything I can say to change his mind. He basically tells me that if I even dare try and defend myself he will just fight me on it and demand I'm wrong. So, since my ILL mother is sitting right there listening to all of this... I say nothing more and let him think whatever he wants.

Guess what happends next? Not three minutes later, my LAZY ASS brother comes down the stairs, doesn't even say a word to anyone... passes by all of us, goes straight for the food my dad brought home, and then goes back upstairs to play video games. Did my dad say even TWO words to him? NO! I'm not allowed to eat salad before anyone else and I have to sit at the table or I'm a rude bitch, but my brother is allowed to come down stairs, not say two words to anyone and take his food upstairs to eat in peace. Not even one word out of my dads mouth.

So... even though I was asked not to, I'm sending out my resume and looking for places to get the hell out of here. I know my mom's sick and my responsibility is to her but with my dad around and treating me the way he does, I don't see how I can possibly be doing any emotional good to anyone.