Dating a lil over a month, now he's pulling away???

I don't see what the big deal is about him getting a text message from a girl. And texting her back. I have quite a few male friends that do this to me. Means absolutely nothing. Except they know I am at work (usually) and they just want to wish me a good day or ask me if I'm gonna be at so and so's over the weekend. The only real texts that matter to me are from the one I'm in love with. He has no competition and he knows this.

If you can't trust this person that is falling in love with you ... then you are in for an unhappy relationship anyhow. I understand your suspicisons if you feel he is backing away. But you need to ask yourself this. Is he pulling away from me because I'm acting jealous and showing a lack of trust? HUGE turn-off for anyone.

Geezie Petes.......you aren't even divorced yet? Generally not a smart move to jump from one relationship to the next. Especially if you are coming from one where you were hurt. Gosh, your soon to be X cheated and lied to you. You haven't had time to emotionally deal with that. No wonder you are suspicious of the boyfriend at hand and not trusting him.

All of the above being said ......here is what I would do if I were you:

Tell him that you understand your relationship together is new. That your feelings are young and still growing. That you know it would be easy at this stage for someone else to catch his eye, too. Then tell him that it's ok if that is what has happened. You just need to know before you grow even more in love with him and get hurt. And then tell him that you know he wouldn't wanna hurt you by leading you on.

Then accept his answer if he says there is no one else, or move on.

Then stay away from men for awhile. You still have what seems to be a lot of anger towards your husband. Deal with that first. Or you are probably in for a lot of failed relationships.

Just brooke,
Thanx for the reply. I do understand what you are saying about just coming out of divorce. However, I must say though that it was over a LONG time before we actually seperated. We seperated in January. I did tell him that I want to keep this casual and would like to see where it goes. Just not used to someone doting on me in that way. It felt so great, especially coming from a place where that hasnt happened in over 9 years. So, all that being said, I think I have to just take it really slow and if it's meant to be, one day down the line, it will be. If not, it's ok too. Its just really nice to be spoiled the way that I have been the past month. I know I have trust issues and Im working on those through counseling. I wasnt expecting this nor would I have believed you if you would have said that I would even date anyone. Its just that he broke through a lot of my defenses and sort of swept me off my feet. Just dont want to get so caught up that I lose sight of myself. Its really hard for me to not want to dive in deep with how great he has treated me. I just may have to sit back and wait.....which I can do, I also told him that if he's seeing other people, thats ok, just want to have all the cards on the table so I dont assume Im the only one. I dont know if he took that as jealousy or not. I am not a jealous person by nature, maybe suspicious. Anyway, thanks again for the advice!!

You're welcome.

When I mentioned your divorce ... I was only doing so because you were obviously hurt and angered by what your husband had done to you. And rightly so! BUT ... as I said, you need to deal with that anger first. It doesn't matter how long your marriage was over before you began this new relationship at this point. It's coming to terms with your hurt and anger that I think is your biggest enemy right now. Overcome that .....and you will save yourself a world of pain down the road. But there is no man going to fix that. Only you can.

I am so very sorry you are going through this and I hope it all works out for you. If not......there really are other men out there that can love and adore you the way you want them to. Just give them a healthy you!

Brooke,
I know what you're saying and I am working each and every day to become the strong woman that I know I am. I have worked very hard to get as far as I have today. I have been out of the dating scene for a LONG time and just was curious how to take things. I have to say how nice it is to be reminded that Im still a sexy woman and not just someone's doormat or mother. I forgot about that girl and since this new guy came into the picture, it woke something up in me. I needed it! Anyway, thanks for your wisdom.

Who knows why he's backed off?

The excitement of "the chase" is over?
He does not want to be "exclusive" to anyone.?
One of you moved too fast, too seriously (men and women gauge this differently)?

In any case, cool it - and be sure to have safe sex.
He sounds like he is not ready to get as serious as you are.

Here's what you said: "I have to say how nice it is to be reminded that Im still a sexy woman and not just someone's doormat or mother. I forgot about that girl and since this new guy came into the picture, it woke something up in me. I needed it!"

Your "need level" is not the same as his.

P.S. All divorcees are allowed a "transition man" - one that makes us feel good again.