Gay People Icky Bad Grope Grope Whoops Here Have Some Money

Mark Morford's Daily Fix 9/12/03
Gay People Icky Bad Grope Grope Whoops Here Have Some Money

The leaders of the nation's Roman Catholic bishops gave "general support" to a proposed amendment to the U.S. Constitution that would define marriage as a union of a man and woman, isn't that just the cutest goddamn thing ever, and just a day or two after announcing an $85 million settlement in Boston to shut up all those pesky pedophilia and molestation charges, gosh how ironic.

The 50-member administrative committee of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, meeting privately in Washington, acted after a strong Vatican call to defend traditional marriage and the decision of Canada's government to legalize same-sex marriages.

"We hope to remain so desperately out of touch and backasswards and oppressive and hypocritical that, within ten years or so, every single Catholic in the world will become so disgusted and disenfranchised with us that they all turn Unitarian or Pagan or something actually cool and open-minded like that," announced Bishop O'Malley, over his tenth Guiness stout.

"I mean, Christ with a leather riding crop, if we can't see the connection between our insipid insistence on gender intolerance and general sexual oppressiveness that results in thousands of priests worldwide desperately groping anything that moves, well, we pretty much deserve what's coming to us, you know? I mean, what the hell is wrong with us, really? Can we really be this stupid? All signs point to yes. Bartender, get your sweeet ass over here."

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/news/a/2003/09/10/national1132EDT0601.DTL&nl=fix