New Relationship

Re: New Relationship
Welcome to A2K Dartplayer.....



Slowly mate... can't rush things...

If she wants to go at a slow pace... then you will need to go at a slow pace

Follow her lead. Sounds to me as if she may have been burned before and is being cautious. Not only by going slowly but it may also help to show (not tell: show) her that you aren't going to be like the jerk from before (I'm assuming there was one). Let's say it was a guy who didn't listen to her. Then be a good listener. Or he didn't pick up his clothes and was a slob. Then be considerate of her and try to be neat (it's not so much about neatness but about consideration). Etc. etc. you get the idea. Of course it may take a while to know what (if anything, again, I am guessing this) happened before and how to address it.

I am not suggesting that you obsess over it or make it your life's mission to do this sort of thing. All I am saying is, be the anti-jerk in her life.

"I love you so much that I'm going to ignore your request to go slow."


That is not a good technique for winning the Fair Lady. In fact if someone acted this way towards me, I'd run.

(Wise words, Noddy.)

Poster: How old are you? If you are over 60, then tell her time is short and neither of you have time for all the formalities of courtship. Dont' waste a minute.


If you are under 60, then slow down.

Untill such time as you no longer feel the need to as a2k'ers what will work best with her (aka you know her well enough to know yourself), follow her lead.

Side by side with someone - not in front dragging along, not behind and pushing along.... just side by side and see whether you go in the same direction.

Good things are worth waiting in life.

Can she toss two T60's and a double bull to go out from 170?

Snap her up man.

You have a problem - if you really want her, and you don't know what she means by 'slow down', then she controls the pace. That is not a bad thing in and of itself - but a problem can arise if you really, really want her, and she has to constantly tell you that you both should go slower. The problem is one of giving her all the power...and no woman wants a man who gives her all the power (nor one that seems too needy)

Simply put, despite your desires, you need to slow down even more than she wants (just below what she wants)

Now the problem with this concept is that it's like denying that you really want her, and every woman wants to feel wanted. Every woman also wants you to know who you are, and be who you are (and your sexual attraction to her is part of who you are...confidence in it shows strength of self assurance).

In other words, let her know how much you want her, while respecting her wish to slow down (by slowing down to a level just below what she wants to slow down to).

It will likely take a bit of give and take to learn where the balance is, but don't wreck it by being too needy and giving her all the power.

New Relationship
Hi Everyone

Thanks for posting your reply's. I have put into practice what you said and slowed the pace down. This worked for a time and we have been out on great dates.

Saturday evening we had a disagreement, after having a having an enjoyable afternoon out together. I thought we had comes to terms with our differences then on Sunday she tells me she wants to be on her own. Thats its nothing to do with me or what happened last night, and that she can.t give me what I want ( her perception)

I feel a bit gobsmacked at the moment

Dartplayer- Welcome to A2K!

You say that you know her for one month. I don't care how perceptive you are, or how open she is with you, but in a relationship of one month you can't possibly know all the baggage she is carrying from past relationships.

She wants distance......................give her distance. If she is interested in you she'll come around, when she works through whatever is troubling her. If she doesn't, then you will be left with some happy memories.

Her perception of "what you want" is to move too fast and too thick.

She is pushing you away because you suffocated her - long before you asked for any opinons from this Board.

Send her flowers with a card that says,

"Sorry, I "bloomed" with you too early. I can be patient if only you will allow our relationship to grow"

sullyfish6 is absolutely right.
I hope you are really young, but even if you are not you are able to change some things in your behaviour that are almost prone to end your relationships in similar way.
I really don't want to sound rude, quite contrary, but some things you said indicate that it's quite possible that you indeed suffocated her.
And that's actually clear from your first line - "one month ago I met my soulmate". It would be too long to explane on how many levels this sentence is wrong. And will, unfortunately for you, scare 99,99% of girls.
Because, let's be honest, you haven't thought about that after a month, you just shared that with us after a month, and you considered her your soulmate after a day or two, right? :wink:
Life is not the movie, and eventually everyone or most of us will have a relationship that we can say "yeah, we clicked from the first day we met", but that's something we can say after year(s), not after week.
We all like to be in love, and, yes, most of us will think "yea, great, I found my soulmate" when we fall in love, but saying that and presenting that after few days is sometimes scary.

So, you should really try to work on slow pace, not just with her, but with any future girls you might end up with.

We all fall in love, and we all sometimes have unhappy love. And, sorry, but she is not your soulmate. She wanted to take it easy, and your attitude was "I want to see you every day, you are my soulmate". I'm sure now you can also see how that sounds.



And sullyfish has a good idea with the card. Try. Maybe it will work. But then stop looking her as your 'soulmate' or something like that. Look at her as a nice, fun and smart girl that is someone you might see yourself with in perspective. If things go well.
Good luck :wink:

also, a bit time off won't hurt if she'll be willing to take you back.

make sure you allow yourself to get to know her. when relationships are young, we usually rush into loving our assumptions about the other without knowing them all too well yet. then disappointments and even disagreements settle in. loving is learning the other, and that takes time. either way, wishing you good luck, hope you'll get another chance.

My Reply
Hi Everyone

Thanks for the replying to my post and the useful information. Just to clarify a couple of issues.

1 I am not young

2 I have already sent flowers.

3 I know how I felt about this lady. Love me or loath me this is my space

Have a great day

Dart player

Thank You
Hi Everyone

Of all the reply's to my post on the subject of my new relationship, the following members words have had a profound effect on me. Thank you all for taking the time to reply.

vikorr

Phoenix32890

sullyfish6

MyOwnUsername


Currently its hard not to try and contact my girlfriend however I keep myself busy and occupy my mind.

Have a great day

Sorry - but she is not your girlfriend.

You are in a one sided relationship.

Give her space, then call her and start ALL over again. Tell her that you made a mistake moving too fast, and that you would like to begin again with having a relationship.

If she will not meet with you, then you must move on.

Find another gal to inspire you!

New Relationship
I have started again and we have got off to a good start I now find I have more respect for her by taking the relationship at a pace that suits here.

Many thanks for the sound advice you all gave me I shall put it into action

Will keep you all posted