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Fri 4 Jul, 2008 01:28 am
I have been having an affair with a married man for about a year now. He has become my best friend and we confide in each other about everything that goes on in our lives. I am in my twenties and he is in his thirties. He doesn't have any children with his wife and basically they have been on the brink of divorce for a while, years before he ever knew me. They sleep in separate rooms and she even once told him that she doesn't love him anymore. Furthermore, he believes that she is also having an affair. The thing is I know that just because they have a rocky marriage it does not justify my actions with him, but I just can't seem to let go of my best friend. I know that we have more of an emotional affair rather than a physical one, although we are intimate occasionally. I really don't know what to do. I know that he is really in love with me, but there will be harsh consequences to pay if anyone ever found out about us. I don't want to give him up, but I never thought that I would be the kind of person that would go against my own moral judgment. I want to keep him in my life, but I know that it is wrong. I need some advice. Oh by the way I am not married and I don't have any children.
What kind of advice are you expecting?
There are only so many options you have:
1. You continue as before and hope, nobody finds out or if they do you deal with the consequences.
2. You push him to chose between you and his wife and accept his decision (or go back to point 1 if he stays with his wife)
3. You decide that you deserve better than just being his little secret and end the affair
Whatever you do, it will have to be your decision.
Nobody can tell you what will be the right thing for you.
But these are my thoughts:
If you were happy with option 1, you would not be posting here.
If you thought he might leave his wife for you, you would probably have mentioned it, so point 2 would leave you the same as point 3 in the end.
With the added satisfacion (maybe) for point 3 that you took your life into your own hands and did not leave it to somebody else to decide for you.
Also:
I wonder if all he tells you is true or if he is just telling you stories to make you feel better.
If his marriage really is rocky, why does he not do something about it.
Be it work on it or separate?
What man stays with a wife, that tells him she does not love him any more? - One that has certain advantaged throught the marriage and a girlfriend on the side!
Bohne is on target.
Why are you willing to settle for such a little slice of love in your life?
You best friend is in his 30's? Married?
You need to expand your world. He is taking up all your time.
Someone in their 20's should be traveling, having fun with lots of people, and exploring career and educational options. Instead, you are locked into a "friendship" that is leading nowhere exept around and around.
You need to get out more with kids your own age.
P.S. Why does he stay in a loveless, unloving marriage?
Harsh consequences?? For instance?
What needs are being meet?
I have to work hard to separate my fantasies from the real world.
What do you want out of life; this year, in five years, ten years?
Write it down! Wait a few days, then rewrite it. Repeat.
How does your present behavior fit into your plans?
What needs are being fulfilled by your present behavior? Can they be meet another way?
Sometimes, your thinking will bring you back to your present position, but with clearer insight. Sometimes, you come upon other options that now are appealing.
LFL,
Anything cooking? Did we throw too much at you?
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