does depression hinder marraige?

Lorka--

Welcome to A2K.

Here in the States most people see depression as a treatable mental condition.

Would you say that your depression is situational (because you're under a lot of pressure right now) or chronic (you've been down so far you've forgotten which way is up.

Personally, since depression influences much of your life, I think talking it over with your fiancee would be only fair.

I think anything that impacts your life, your fiancee has a right to know.

If you were planning to move abroad, or had the habit of watching TV every night in bed until 2a.m. your fiancee would have a right to know, since this is information she needs to decide if this is the life she wants and if she does to prepare for it.

In my opinion such important subjects should be broached even before getting engaged.

Keeping such information secret would not really be fair to your future wife.

Are you being treated for your depression?
Maybe your fiancee can help.
But please be open with her.

thanks
thank you a lot for your posting

i agree that telling my fiancee about my depression is her right.

as for the treatments, I am on meds since 1999(remeron,then lecital+wellbutrine) i am getting well but not to the point that allows me to say I am in good shape as the normal people.

I dont know if low libedo means not wanting sex or not feeling anything during sex or both? any suggestion

If you're taking meds and you're not improving, I suggest you consider changing meds until you find something that's more effective. I also suggest that you consider counseling, if it's possible for you. The combination of meds and counseling will have a greater impact than one or the other alone.

Some medications have this side effect. Ask your Dr. about it. There are other meds that don't diminsh sex drive. And others that can help out in this area.

Please share this with your prospective marriage partner. She has the right, especially if her expectations in the sex department is not the same as yours. Be very honest with her. Tell her you have a low sex drive, possibly because of the medications you are taking. She may not care - or it could send her running.

You don't say how old you or she is.

Good luck!

hi
thank you roberta. I agree that mids combination is fruitful. But the mids seem ineffective enough even if you change them. this is one of the nature of this complicated diseases as there are many theories regarding the effective treatment (medical, psycholgical, behaiveral...) of them.

hi sullyfish

I am 37 ys old and she is 28 ys

one of my doctors- a psychatrist- told me that i should not worry about sexual problems becuase most people in our society- jordan- have sexual problems! and that the big problem for the depressed is not sex(low desire, dysfunction..) as such but being socially negative and stay all the time at home lonely.

First, I sympathize with you. I've been there and I know how hard it is to come to terms with the fact that you have an illness.

Second, being depressed is something you should definitly share with your wife to be. It effects every part of your life and in marriage, the life of the person you are with. If she loves you, she'll support you and try to help you. Meds are great, and many people do need them, but like Roberta said, get yourself into therapy. Meds alone will correct the chemical imbalance but not the emotional/mental one. If you do combined therapy and meds, I think you'll see an improvement.

Don't expect a miracle. Don't expect this to happen over night. Give yourself a break (but not too much of one!) and allow your body and mind to heal. It takes time. You probably won't see much of an improvement in the first few sessions but eventually, you will start to see things more clearly. It sort of jumps at you one day when you wake up and realize, you don't feel as bad as you used to.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

So the Dr. said "that the big problem for the depressed is not sex(low desire, dysfunction..) as such but being socially negative and stay all the time at home lonely."

HurraH!!

These are two issues that you CAN change!