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Tue 10 Jun, 2008 02:28 pm
thanks in advance everyone...i've been lurking for a long time now but this is my 1st post.
i have a budding new friendship with a female co-worker. i bring this up just because i'm male and therefore don't quite get the wants and need of the fairer sex. anyhow, there is no inclination or possibility of a relationship developing, by her or by me...100% sure of this, there's just a lot of respect there and a meaningful platonic friendship has begun to develop.
anyhow, monday is my birthday...she suggested that we have dinner together that evening, knowing that i am new to town and don't have any friends or family. however, she is spending the weekend in las vegas and arriving back home...seattle area...early monday morning.
when she gets back, she'll be tending to her kids and everything and i think she'll be totally beat, and i'm inclined to want to free her of her commitment and cancel our plans. if i do this i may hurt her feelings, but then again i think she'll be glad that she'll be able to recuperate.
if she were a guy, i'd just say: look dude, you're gonna be beat. let's do it another day, and that'd be the end of it. her being a girl, if i take that approach, it'll be no, no, no it's your birthday, we're going, etc, even if she's too tired, even if in her heart of hearts she doesn't want to.
do i help her out and just cancel our plans? will it hurt her feelings even if she's just doing it because she feels like she has to?
do i go through with our plans and just let her over extend herself? this seems selfish to me, but what do you think?
thanks friends
Why don't you tell her what you told us? That you're concerned she'll be tired and you'd rather do it a night when she's really up to it?
I wouldn't call it cancelling, just celebrating your birthday on Tuesday.
I'm not sure about in Seattle, but in a lot of other places restaurants are 'dark' on Monday. Tell her the truth, you figure Tuesday could be better and fine with you.
Just don't offer more than once. Say what you want to say --- that you know she'll be beat after her weekend and you're happy moving your dinner to another day. She will respond as she chooses. Don't belabor it, or you'll be saying something else than what came out with the words.
Yep.
Remember, there is the possibility she'd actually want to do it. Something fun and relaxing after the stresses of the trip. It's ultimately her decision.
Re: Cancelling plans because you think She'll be tired...
strata1 wrote:
anyhow, monday is my birthday...she suggested that we have dinner together that evening, knowing that i am new to town and don't have any friends or family. however, she is spending the weekend in las vegas and arriving back home...seattle area...early monday morning.
when she gets back, she'll be tending to her kids and everything and i think she'll be totally beat, and i'm inclined to want to free her of her commitment and cancel our plans. if i do this i may hurt her feelings, but then again i think she'll be glad that she'll be able to recuperate.
On the other hand, why do you suppose she'd be beat after a short flight in the a.m.? Good Lord, I have enough energy for several short flights, tending the kids, shopping, cleaning, etc etc and still going out to dinner. Maybe she knows what she's up to (capable of) better than you do.
I'd make the offer and leave it up to her.
Re: Cancelling plans because you think She'll be tired...
strata1 wrote: anyhow, monday is my birthday...she suggested that we have dinner together that evening, knowing that i am new to town and don't have any friends or family. however, she is spending the weekend in las vegas and arriving back home...seattle area...early monday morning.
when she gets back, she'll be tending to her kids and everything and i think she'll be totally beat, and i'm inclined to want to free her of her commitment and cancel our plans. if i do this i may hurt her feelings, but then again i think she'll be glad that she'll be able to recuperate.
Trying to 2nd guess the mind of a woman is a sure road to ruin. Offer to change the night for the reasons you listed here and let HER tell you if she'll be tired or not.
to be honest i feel a little tool-ish asking about this here, but thanks everyone for your advice. i will let her know what i'm thinking and suggest postponing it once and let her take it from there.
Here's hoping she will appriciate your thoughtfulness, even if she still wants to go our after a long day.
Good luck!
right, and don't feel tool-ish, strata1. I think it was great that you thought to ask for input.
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