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Wed 7 May, 2008 07:56 am
Benign.............................What you be after you be eight.
Artery.............................The study of paintings.
Bacteria...........................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.............................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section...................A neighborhood in Rome.
CATscan............................Searching for kitty.
Cauterize..........................Made eye contact with her.
Colic..............................A sheep dog.
Coma...............................A punctuation mark.
D & C..............................Where Washington is.
Dilate.............................To live long.
Enema..............................Not a friend.
Fester.............................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula.............................A small lie.
Genital............................Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series........................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail...........................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent...........................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain.........................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff......................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid.............................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates...........................Cheaper than day rates.
Node...............................I knew it.
Outpatient.........................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear..........................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis.............................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.....................A letter carrier.
Recovery Room......................Place to do upholstery.
Rectum.............................Damn near killed him.
Secretion..........................Hiding something.
Seizure............................Roman emperor.
Tablet.............................A small table.
Terminal Illness...................Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor..............................More than one.
Urine..............................Opposite of you're out.
Varicose...........................Near by/close by.
chuckle...
I;m in the South so I get a kick outta this stuff
Rednecks are big - hearted people...friends and drinkin buddies...
The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained...!!!
The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.
The North has Coffee Houses, the South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, the South has family reunions .
The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.
The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel Dr ive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.... Do not buy food at this store.
Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all 's' is plural possessive
Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.
The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that 'He needed killin.' is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear childre n, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.
panzade wrote:
The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.
You know, panz, that reminds me of that train ride north to the reception center at beautful Fort Jackson, S.C. Our meal tickets were good for breakfast that included some of that white slop they served in train stations. Those with a northern background dressed the stuff up with sugar; real southerners used butter.
To this day, I'm not sure what the stuff was supposed to be.
Those are actually really funny.
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