Internet dating

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Hi
In need your opinion on internet dating and email ettiquette. I joined a pretty good well known site and got lots of emails from guys etc. However there was one I was particularly interested. I sent him an email first to say I'd been looking at his profile. He sent me a reply back 5 days later saying basically thanks for the message, he'd had a busy week and was due to go away for a few weeks but would email me when he got back. He also gave me his personal email address. I didn't respond to his reply with an email back myself because I was worried about coming accross desperate or something. Anyway I waited for him to come back from holiday but no email has arrived. It's been a week now I think since he returned.

What do you guys think? Should I.................

1) Give up, assume he's not interested (afterall he said he'd email when he got back) OR............
2) Send an email back with my personal email address in return asking if he had a nice break or will this look desperate in any way. Should I have maybe done this earlier to keep the flow of convo?

It's been a while since I was last in this dating kinda scene and I'm terrible................

Do you guys think it would seem desperate and I'm chasing him too much??

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Personally, I think you are over thinking it.

You haven't met him. There are a million guys out there. Don't sit waiting or thinking of ONE who sends a little email.

Send the message if you want and then forget about it.

Keep plotting along and keep your options open.

If he asks you for a date, great. If not, you'll have offers lining up anyways.

Who cares how he thinks of you at this point? He's a stranger? Don't psych yourself out. He'll either match with you and it'll go or not.

good luck.

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Hi
Thanks Mushypancakes.
I think it's because I'm worried about making the same mistakes I made with my previous relationship..............mind you NO!!! I've definitely learnt from that and wouldn't be so 'in awe' again about a bloke. More respect for myself.

Anyway, yes you talk sense. In some ways I just want to get out there and make lots of friends too, so am also thinking it would be good if it was just friendship with him. Keep thinking I need to get out there more and make a new life etc.

What do you think of these guys on the internet dating sites??? Are they men just after one thing or have some hidden skeleton in their cupboard lol!!!!

x

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lol. It's a mix like usual. All sorts of guys. But you mentioned it was a reputable site so that's good.

How long since your last relationship if you don't mind me asking?

I wasn't too keen with the online dating, as I found it took a lot of work. That sounds contradictory, because it's mostly sitting behind the computer, but the Screening and going through people and first dates and all was a lot of work.

I'm sure no expect but I learned quick these last years that the most important thing is : Don't waste time on people who aren't on track with you!!

Keeping a certain emotional distance early on really really cuts down on heartbreak down the road.

That's why I waited quite a while between relationships to heal. Now things are good.

The most powerful tool in dating is self confidence and already having a full life of your own. So yeah - doing new things definetly is a go even while you have that profile up!

have fun!!!

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True, I like the idea of dating agencies in the sense that you can view people's profiles and instantly know if they've got the same eg education as you or interests without having to go through all the small talk of first meeting someone. You can kinda tick things off straightaway. Like ebay shopping for men lol!!

Well it's been a year since the last relationship. I'm moving back to my hometown and hoping to meet new people etc too. Hope that will happen through work as well.

I'm certainly not wanting to rush into anything either. Am definitely maturer and more careful.

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Hello Jamelia and welcome to a2k Very Happy

If it were me, I would not write an email back. You've made the first
move, he responded late and hasn't dropped you a line since. He seems
very nonchalant about it, so I would assume, he's got too many fires
in the oven and can't handle more.

I don't know how this works, so I have to ask: when you see the profile
of your "suitors" do you see their pictures too and vice versa, do they
see your picture?

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Hi

Yes we do tend to see eachother's pictures on the profiles. He would have seen mine but I took it off not long after due to not wanting to be noticed lol!!

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I know that defeats the object but I became a bit paranoid about joining the agency at one point lol!!!! I thought some current male friends might recognise me.

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Oh, I think that's a good idea to leave the picture off, Jamelia.
If someone is interested enough, you always can send your
picture to that individual. I'd think that's a much better way
than advertising yourself to the entire world.

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Keep the opinions rolling in guys.
It's 50/50 so far, which is pretty much how I fet beforehand.
Just nterested what the majority of you think.

We should do a poll!!!
lol!!

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You wrote to him. He wrote back. Your turn.

Maybe he really was that busy. Maybe he didn't want to sound desperate. Maybe he's contacted several people, and it didn't work out for him, her, or both. Some people are going to understate themselves, and some are guilty of over hyping their qualifications. Anyway, it's a lot to expect that any single contact turns out to be the one and only lasting relationship. So write to him.

Now why would you think of sending him your physical address? I wouldn't give away too much right away. Truly, you know nothing about him except what he's told you, and maybe the agency. So, he sent his address. Fine. Guy has to establish credibility early, but doesn't expect this of a woman on a second email contact. Find a mutual instant messeging site, and get acquainted, if it goes that far. If you are still interested, don't get evasions and inconsistencies, go ahead with phone contacts (remember caller id) and a first date in a public date.

It could work quite well. It might not. Right now, you know he's available and hopefully, single. That's about all you know.

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Roger's got a good outline - and yeah, your turn.

Though I'd say your turn was actually in the day or two after he sent you his email address.

Maybe it's just a lesson for the next round.

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Agree with Roger, that was my first thought as I was reading your initial post (that it's your turn).
Put yourself in his shoes - he responded (late, on the run...but whatever). You haven't acknowledged his response, even with a simple 'thanks, will look forward to your email" - so he didn't write again. I wouldn't either. I would think that that person (you) is not interested anymore.

About photos - sure it would be nicer to be picked up for who you are....but....this is internet dating. It's fast, it's cut throat.... I have been on a few sites myself and know that most people will not slow down to look at profiles without pictures. Why are you worried if your friends will recognize you? Is there any shame to what you're doing? I don't think so. Don't worry too much, enjoy the search.

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What have you got to lose?
Nothing!

So if you are interested in the guy, write him an email!

Don't send him any real personal information, quite yet, though!
After all, you don't know the guy, you don't know his intentions, and I think a little bit of care is in order!

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Hi all,

Thanks for your replies :-) Very much appreciated!
I decided to go with the general opinion that I have nothing to lose and have written him an email back. Am not sending personal information which is good advice.

Well, we shall wait and see if anything comes of it and I'll let you all know if it does lol!!!!

Thanks again everyone this site is great! Especially for people like me who can be very indecisive and over worriers about dating!!!!!!! lol!!!!

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expect something?
don't be silly girl!
it's an internet, if you don't want to get hurt...don't take it seriously....
if you want fun...go ahead...but be prepare....
Smile

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welcome Aubreyea!

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Yeah,Definately Just send him a casual email back saying "hey,U still interested? Lemme know!"

iT COUld be as simple as that! btw.....ive been getting into online dating as well and posted a want ad and replyed to one person on Craigslist but didnt get any responses as of yet (3 days ago was posted)

Would u guys reccomend a more Reliable Dating site that at the same time is rather Cheap? I know alot of these are just reaming you for memberships and whatnot....has anyone used any Good dating sites you could reccomend? Any tips at all? Is internet dating Really THAT bad of an idea like you always hear?

Cause with my current situation it would be extremely difficult for me to meet someone ASIDE from starting out with them online....

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Re: Internet dating

Jamelia wrote:

What do you guys think? Should I.................

1) Give up, assume he's not interested (afterall he said he'd email when he got back) OR............
2) Send an email back with my personal email address in return asking if he had a nice break or will this look desperate in any way. Should I have maybe done this earlier to keep the flow of convo?

I'd go with #2. If I was in your correspondent's place, I'd probably assume that something about my reply turned you off. Why else wouldn't you have responded? You were interested enough to initiate the exchange, but now you don't care to dignify my e-mail with a response? WTF? I'd certainly not write a second e-mail without getting a response from you first, because that would make me look needy and desperate. Men, you see, have egos, too.

It's your turn. Write.

EDIT: Oops ... just noticing you already did. Good for you.

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Quote:

He seems very nonchalant about it, so I would assume, he's got too many fires in the oven and can't handle more.

Right! I agree.

There are also people out there who say they want a relationship because they think they're supposed to want one -- when the truth is, deep down, they really don't give a sh1t.

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