confused about relationship

Let's start with item #1 - Stop having sex with him until you figure out what your relationship is.

Agreed. Sex with folks ya don't really know always gets ya in trouble...

Welcome sara,

Rockhead

Why do they think he's a sleaze?

What do you find attractive about him?

What do you find not attractive about him? (re his personality / character / habits etc)

well my family thinks hes a sleaze because he always has these random hook ups with girls and then never talks them again.

i think that he is a really loyal person to the people that matter to him. hes never been mean to me and has always been on my side about things. he tells me that im not like most girls he knows like i can hang with the guys but still be girly. and hes very honest and upfront.

what i don't like about him is when he is in front of my brother he acts totally different! by the way i say brother but really he is only my brother-in law. like acts like im not there but when i'm infront of my sisters he always says really nasty things to me like "oh yeah i would lick you till your knees shook"

The ladies will be along shortly...

RH

Sounds like he is playing with you!

He is a sleaze. He should be at a different place in his life than you. The fact that he is not, does not speak well of him. There is something seriously wrong with a 31-year-old "man" who wants to date an 18-year-old girl. At least he waited until you were 18, but, compared to him, you are a child. Real men want women, not little girls.

Sara--

You're trying to be sophisticated and judicious. You know your family thinks this guy is a low-life opportunist. You don't like the way he treats you in public.

You're also trying to turn this dubious bit of male protoplasm into Prince Charming, partly because you're good and ready for adult romance and partly because sex stimulates all sorts of nest-building hormones.

You can't change a sow's ear into a silk purse. This guy is an okay male friend for your b-i-l who doesn't mind scalp hunters. He's also a guy who thinks far more about himself than about any woman in his life--and at 31 he's probably set in his ways.

If you can handle a few serial one-night-stands, then continue experimenting. If you feel you're getting emotional involved, RUN.

You are protecting yourself against STD's and pregnancy, aren't you?

Sara, I think you already know the answer to your question. He is too old and has a nasty reputation among people you trust. I understand you are attracted to him, but the bad out weighs the good here. Go find a nice guy to date who doesn't make you wonder if you are doing the right thing. When you are with the right person questions like this will not even enter your mind.

oh my.


I think about this situation in 2 ways.

1)- My own husband is 36. If he started giving younger girls attention ... younger meaning 17-18... Our relationship would end because that is an inappropriate age gap on HIS part. A grown man has nothing in common with a teenage girl except for trying to have sex with her because he likes children. Legally that is called stagatory (spelling..) rape . I dont care if the difference is 2 months past someones 18th birthday or 2 days. A 15+ year difference , where one partner is still in their teens is grossly inappropriate.
When a man is literally old enough to have been your father, there is an issue with -that- man , and you should really be careful .

2) When i was 16 I dated a man who was 32. I thought the world of him. He was 'mature' , he was smart, he was strong, and he had a good reputation in our circle of people.

But he was crazy.

Over time he started hearing things, seeing people who were not there.. and.. well. just losing his mind.

Now, 15+ years later.. I look back on him and realize that he was a child molester living a wonderful fantasy. An underage girl living with him, that he could have sex with any time he choose.

Sadly..until you yourself are old enough to see the difference between 30 and 17, I do not think there is anything that can be said to sway you from this man.
I just hope that you STAY safe , use protection.. if you get pregnant I can guarantee you he will not help.
If he has a reputation of sleeping around, he could give you a disease and you would never know... and again.. he wont be around to help so you would HAVE to tell your family so that someone can get you to a doctor and help pay for the care.

Ride the emotional rollercoaster that comes with this safely.
Please dont think he will be there for the rest of your life, and that he is your true love.
Right now, he is true sex. And that is fun, fascinating and intimidating in its own right.. but remain clear about that.
THIS IS JUST SEX. And there is nothing wrong with enjoying someone purely for the sex, that so long as you enjoy it with protection and CLARITY.

That does not just include condoms..
That includes personal safety, emotional safety..etc..etc.


A man of 31 should not be chasing teenagers. He only wants you for sex.
And not in a healthy way.
Please be careful.

thank you to everybody who has commented. it really did make me see that if he is the right guy i will just know i won't have to think this hard about it. and yes i always use protection. i think for right now i'm not ready to just have sex with him cuz i get to close to him and i don't want to get hurt. i think that i will just away from him for awhile and when i'm ready we can just be friends. he really is a great guy but for a woman who is more of his age. thank you again

Sara--

Good luck. You're showing admirable common sense, so you probably will have good luck.