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editing of passage for Grade 3 pupils.

 
 
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2008 04:40 am
Could someone please edit the passage for me. Any suggestions to improve the passage are welcome. Many thanks.

Grandmother was in hospital. She had a very bad stomachache and the doctor at the clinic advised that she be sent to hospital as he suspected that she might have appendicitis.

My parents and my sister and I visited her the next day. She smiled when she saw us. She told us that the doctor still did not know whether she had appendicitis. We brought fruits, some cans of drink and a tin of biscuits for her. She was glad that we were so kind to her.

She asked my sister and me about our schoolwork and we said that we had no problems. She was glad on hearing that. She advised us to study hard.

When we heard that the visiting hours were over, my parents explained to her that we were leaving. Mother promised her that we would visit her the next day. My sister and I bade her goodbye as we were leaving the ward.

In the morning the next day, a nurse rang my mother, telling her that Grandmother could be discharged that day as it was confirmed that she was not suffering from appendicitis. Mother was surprised to learn that.

When we returned from school, we were surprised to see Grandmother at home. Mother had earlier gone to the hospital to pick her up. We were glad that Grandmother did not have to be operated on. My sister and I took turns to kiss her. She kissed us in return.

Father was not surprised when he returned home because Mother had already informed him about Grandmother's discharge from the hospital.
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2008 09:22 am
I'll come back to look it over more carefully when i have more time, but just scanning it, it looks pretty good. It is also redolent of British English (and i'll provide you translations into the American language), such as "in hospital" and "tin" rather than "can."

But, it looks pretty good as it is. I'll be back in a little while.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2008 10:23 am
Re: editing of passage for Grade 3 pupils.
(Where you see bold face, i have corrected the text. Otherwise, i'll put notes at the end of the passage to explain differences in language uses between Englishmen and Americans.)

Grandmother was in hospital (1). She had a very bad stomachache and the doctor at the clinic advised that she be sent to hospital (1) as he suspected that she might have appendicitis.

My parents and my sister and I visited her the next day. She smiled when she saw us. She told us that the doctor still did not know whether or not she had appendicitis. We brought fruits (2), some cans of drink and a tin (3) of biscuits (4) for her. She was glad that we were so kind to her.

She asked my sister and me about our schoolwork and we said that we had no problems. She was glad to hear that. She advised us to study hard.

When we heard that the visiting hours were over, my parents explained to her that we were leaving. Mother promised her that we would visit her the next day. My sister and I said goodbye ("bade her goodbye" is not incorrect, it is just outdated) as we were leaving the ward.

The next morning, a nurse rang (5) my mother, telling her that Grandmother could be discharged that day as it was confirmed that she was not suffering from appendicitis. Mother was surprised to learn that.

When we returned from school, we were surprised to see Grandmother at home. Mother had earlier gone to the hospital to pick her up. We were glad that Grandmother did not have to be operated on. My sister and I took turns kissing her. She kissed us in return.

Father was not surprised when he returned home because Mother had already informed him about Grandmother's discharge from the hospital.
_____________________________________________________

Very few errors, and nothing really bad--mostly your errors were just awkward and uncharacteristic ways to say something in English.

(1) -- Americans would say "in the hospital," and "sent to the hospital."

(2) -- This is an odd one. "Fruits" is not incorrect, but with the word fruit, either fruit, or fruits can be the plural. Most English-speakers (Americans, at least) would say "fruit" rather than "fruits" in this context. I can't think of any other examples of this, off hand, but with fruit, there are two plural forms. I think most English-speakers would only use the word "fruits" when they wanted to emphasize that different types of fruit were involved. "Henry brought apples, pears, peaches and many other kinds of fruits." But even then, the sentence would be correct if you just used fruit.

(3) -- Using "tin" is British English. Americans would only use "tin" in this context if it were a large container with a separate lid (meaning it does not require a can opener). I suspect that is what you mean, so i didn't correct that sentence, as in this one special case, both Englishmen and Americans would probably say "tin."

At one time, these were referred to as "tin cans." The English developed the habit of saying "tin," and Americans developed the habit of saying "can." To further complicate matters, when Americans grow their own fruit or vegetables, and preserve them in glass jars, they calling it "canning."

Finally, some Americans still say "tin can," although it is an outdated usage. However, in a special context, an American will always say "tin can," and that is if the can is empty:

"Have you seen my boy?"

"Yes, Billy was down by the railroad tracks, walking along, kicking a tin can."


Any American would automatically assume that the can is empty.

(4) I suspect that by "biscuits," you mean a baked, sugary food. Americans call these "cookies," and to an American, "biscuit" means something altogether different.

(5) Although Americans would understand "the nurse rang my mother," an American would be more likely to say "the nurse called my mother."

*******************************************

When you say "grade three students," to an American or a Canadian, that sounds as though you are speaking of children in their third year of elementary school, children about eight or nine years old. If, however, you are referring to older students, such as high school students, or university students, who are in their third year of studying English, Americans and Canadians would say "Third Year Students."

Not important, but i have often wondered if you might be referring to older students in their third year of studying English.
0 Replies
 
Yoong Liat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2008 10:37 am
Hi Setanta

Thanks for editing my passage and some information on American and British English.

By grade 3 pupils, I mean 'pupils in their third year of school:.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2008 11:23 am
Roger has just told me that you are in Korea. I learned to read Korean, but that was almost 40 years ago, and i just can't remember it now.

If you click here, it will take you to a thread in which Oristar is looking for a translation of a Korean inscription. I hope you can help. Thank you.
0 Replies
 
Yoong Liat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2008 12:46 pm
Setanta wrote:
Roger has just told me that you are in Korea. I learned to read Korean, but that was almost 40 years ago, and i just can't remember it now.

If you click here, it will take you to a thread in which Oristar is looking for a translation of a Korean inscription. I hope you can help. Thank you.


Hi Setanta

I'm a Singapore, not a Korean. I'm in Singapore. What makes Roger think that I'm a Korean?

Best wishes

YL
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 17 Apr, 2008 12:49 pm
I don't believe he thinks that you are Korean, i believe he just thought that you were presently in Korea. Never mind, it's not important.
0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2008 05:17 am
Personally I would be very careful what I took to a person with suspected appendicitis.

A UK English biscuit tin

http://www.thenutfactory.com/photos/tin-teacaddy-gingerwaferstin.jpg

As Setanta points out, Americans insist on calling them "cookies".

A biscuit and a nice cup of tea.

http://www.twelve22.org/images/2006-11-04biscuit.jpg
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2008 05:25 am
It is worth pointing out at this juncture that the Americans did not simply abandon the use of the word biscuit, but rather applied it in another context, to another type of baked good. This is what an American has in mind when saying biscuit:

http://www.bnbfinder.com/de_images/Holladay-House.jpg

This is usually served hot from the oven, and is buttered, after which it might either be covered with some form of "milk gravy" (a gravy made from meat drippings to which milk has been added along with the flour) or served with sweet condiments, such as jellies or jams.

We still refer to dog treats, however, as "dog biscuits"--which is perhaps a comment on the low taste exhibited by the English with regard to sweetened treats and baked goods in general.
0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2008 06:09 am
OK, if we're getting transpondial... all in good fun, of course, Smile

Have you deliberately excluded the Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish?

We may have
Quote:
low taste


but we don't have the same obesity rate either.

Quote:
buttered

Quote:
milk gravy

Quote:
meat drippings

Quote:
sweet condiments

Quote:
jellies or jams


Fat American kid

http://www.lyris-lite.net/fu_archives/fat_american_kids.jpg
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2008 12:32 pm
Ah, but you do have Chloe Marshall, Miss Surrey 2008 . . .

http://celebrity.rightpundits.com/wp-content/photos/Chloe_Marshall_Is_Size_16_Beauty_Pageant_Contestant.jpg

Coming from a nation which considers "Welsh rarebit," "toad in the hole" and "spotted dick" to comprise noteworthy parts of the national cuisine, that's a bit thick.

Do you really think it's that hard to find an image of a fat kid in England?

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/9/2007/11/killer_sofa_english.jpg
0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Apr, 2008 12:40 pm
Quote:
Coming from a nation which considers "Welsh rarebit," "toad in the hole" and "spotted dick" to comprise noteworthy parts of the national cuisine, that's a bit thick.


Those are joke meals that nobody eats these days. As for Chloe Marshall, I didn't know she'd won Miss Surrey.

She's certainly more cuddly than I personally would go for, but I wouldn't turn her down if she came knocking at my door.

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/04_01/MissEngland_468x698.jpg
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Apr, 2008 05:44 am
Uh-huh . . . and she was 17 when that photo was taken . . . add thirteen years to that and imagine her at 30 . . .

Are you seriously suggesting that all the English eat nothing but healthy diets and that obesity is unknown?

Here, pull the other one . . .
0 Replies
 
 

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