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Mon 14 Apr, 2008 12:10 pm
I went to a party Saturday, and I ended up drinking alot more than I usually do. I seriously do not know what got into me, but I got drunk, and my girlfriend who I have been with for 2 months(Since Feb. 3rd), helped me when I felt horrible.
Nonetheless, we got to her house, and her mom, to make sure I would be ok, told me to go to sleep because I was drunk. I was extremely upset because everyone was up while I was forced to sleep. I really wanted to relax with my girl, but everyone was telling me to lay down, so instead, I got dressed and walked to my house(about 5 mins from where she lives).
Her mom did not want me to leave because if anything happened to me, it would be her responsibility, so as I was leaving, my girl chased me down and asked me what happened, and I told her how I felt. I then said, "It isn't fair, I'm in the room by myself, no one cares'. she told me, "No one cares?", and angrily, I replied, "Yes".
She took it the wrong way as I told her that she didn't care, which was the way it wasn't meant to be, so she went back inside in tears. mind you, she was on her period and she gets emotional around that time. The next day, i went back to her house, personally apologized to her mother and my girl, everything was said and I was forgiven. There was just one issue, and that was her brother Joe(20 yrs old, if anyone is wondering I'm 18). Nonetheless, he was really pissed because his sister was crying. he is really overprotective, and me and him have had a brother relationship with each other for about 7 years. before we started dating, he told me not to make his sis cry because she has gone through alot in her life, and I do know that. I have never done anything to make her feel unloved or cry, until saturday. So I had to talk to her brother.
Talking time came, and as I expected, he wasn't forgiving. he felt as if I broke his trust when I made his sister cry. He understood I was drunk, but the fact that she cried alot, made him feel a sense of betrayal. I explained to him the situation, but all he wanted was for our relationship(between me and him as boys), to remain as "respect for each other", and thats it.
he said until I earn his trust, thats how we'll remain. He is a very close friend to me, and I was wondering what should I do to show him that what I did was only a one time thing and a very big mistake. I vowed to never drink again, because I have never drunk that much that day, and I do not plan to.
Please, any help would be great.
Sounds like Joe is more concerned about his relationship with you than with your relationship with his sister.
It ain't all about Joe. He should learn that. I realize you are not in a position to say anything like that but this is wrongheaded. This guy is putting himself front and center into the incident, which was a pretty damn minor incident. I have seen major incidents, as in drunk driving, or a slap or calling someone all sorts of horrible things and this doesn't even rank on the same planet as those.
personally, i would find another girlfriend, one where I didn't have to go out with her brother as well.
First of all, her brother has too much of a sense of entitlement to his sisters life. He should back off, and you should stop bowing to him and his statements as if he is some kind of gatekeeper. He wants to control you for some odd reason.. why are you playing that game with him?
he sounds like a drama queen
ForumNewbie--
Welcome to A2K.
Personally, I think Joe has a point, particularly if your girlfriend's father is out of the picture and he's trying to protect his little sister.
Being drunk excuses nothing. You chose to get drunk. You chose to march home because everyone was misunderstanding you. You chose to tell your girlfriend, "Nobody cares."
Your girlfriend and her mother have forgiven you. Joe saw a side of you he didn't like at all--and he let you know it. How does he know you won't make a habit of drinking too much and giving his sister grief? He doesn't. You have to prove over the months ahead that your drunken snit was atypical.
We're supposed to excuse you because you were drunk and discount your girlfriend's hurt feelings because she ws having her period?
Repeat: You chose to drink too much. She's female and has no choice about hormonal trouble once a month.
Noddy24 wrote:ForumNewbie--
Welcome to A2K.
Personally, I think Joe has a point, particularly if your girlfriend's father is out of the picture and he's trying to protect his little sister.
Being drunk excuses nothing. You chose to get drunk. You chose to march home because everyone was misunderstanding you. You chose to tell your girlfriend, "Nobody cares."
Your girlfriend and her mother have forgiven you. Joe saw a side of you he didn't like at all--and he let you know it. How does he know you won't make a habit of drinking too much and giving his sister grief? He doesn't. You have to prove over the months ahead that your drunken snit was atypical.
We're supposed to excuse you because you were drunk and discount your girlfriend's hurt feelings because she ws having her period?
Repeat: You chose to drink too much. She's female and has no choice about hormonal trouble once a month.
As much as I agree with everyone else, Noddy has the best advice. My girlfriends father pasted away on April 1st, 2007(what are the odds), so I guess Joe is the only real "older male" figure she looks up to, and yea, that side of me was one Joe hasn't seen and I he didn't like it.
I know what I have to do though. Simply show him(and my girlfriend even though she forgave me) that it won't happen again.
If that is what works for you and makes all of you happy, then it's probably the right thing to do.
Me, I would feel the need to prove myself to the girlfriend, not the brother.
Apologizing to your girlfriend and her mother in person is more than some people might have done.
They accepted your appologie, so you're off to a new start as far as I am concerned.
I would be on my best behaviour from now on, and ignore the brother.
A number of people seemed to miss that the OP values his relationship to her brother (or so it seems by the post).
And why is anyone talking about 'proving yourself'? People are who they are, and our choices have consequences.
The simple way to 'regain' his trust is to either not get drunk, or not say silly things when you are drunk...if you can't do the latter then you can do the former. If you don't want to do the former, then when you do say another silly thing, you accept responsibility and the results.
That said, we aren't here to please everyone. We are here to find our happiness first, so that when we find someone we want to share our life we, we can interact with them without our unhappiness/doubts etc subconsciously influencing our decisions (ie to fully love another, first fully love yourself)
Your girlfriend was very naive to think she was going to have a rational conversation with a drunk.
You were naive to think you could have a rational conversation while you were drunk.
I'd tell you both of you need to grow up, but I see you are only 18.
Let this be a lesson to both of you.
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