Could my brother be having ADHD?

He's about 16, and lately his behavior is turning very violent.

He always was naughty, like most boys are, and all of us hoped he'd just outgrow it. But his behavior seems to have caught on a vicious cycle that doesn't seem to end.

I was the elder child and not naughty at all. In fact, I never was a pain in the neck for my parents. So inevitably, he was subjected to a lot of comparison with me. If he did something objectionable, he was strongly condemned and compared to me. I had been a good student as well, and seemingly, he was an opposite of mine in the sphere of academics, too.

When simple condemnation didn't work, my parents sometimes slapped him. But this was normal, as most boys are conferred some little thrashing. I remember getting some, too. But as he grew older, his boisterousness increased, and no scolding and slapping seemed to work on him, and I remember both my parents getting even more violent in their treatment of him. They were, of course, doing this in hope they would fix him. No harm was intended; they both loved him very much. Especially since I had always been the good child, it vexed and puzzled them why their second was such a pain. Though my father is a medical doctor and mom an economist, none of them had any insight into what the problem with the kid was. They probably had no idea what child psychology was behind the brother's doing.

As he grew further, there was a sense of helplessness surrounding this issue, because there seemed to be no end to his antics. The more nuisance he created, the worse got his treatment by us. I will admit that I beat him quite a few times as well. I'm not the type to give in to fury, and I did my best to ignore his wrongdoings as long as I could, but I had to stop at a point and take action.

Over the last three or four years, he has become intolerable. He is now verbally abusing Mom and me. Some of what he does is totally uncommon in boys his age. Like, if I'm passing by his study table he'd try to put his leg forward so that I trip. He pulls my hair unnecessarily whenever he feels like. I am surprised he also does the same things to Mom. Today, he was trying one of his antics on me, and I got angry, and licked him. He kicked me back. I try not to get physical with him, but sometimes this is unavoidable. I have tried to ignore and not get infuriated by the silly remarks and things he says about me and the small irritating acts like pulling hair, etc. There have been times when his acts would totally qualify as uncivilized, but because I don't want to disrupt my peace of mind and maintain an amiable atmosphere in the family, I'd still ignore them.

I'm not the submissive kind of person. A judo artist, I'm bold and brave and always one to raise voice against any kind of injustice, but since this was a domestic issue, I'd try to not react. But lately, I see he's getting the feeling that he could continue to irritate us and nothing would be done against him, despite whatever warnings and threats he gets.

My impression of this problem has always been that my parents never dealt with him properly, and now that he's grown and can physically confront us, as opposed to his former self when he was little and couldn't retaliate, he's just returning back all the violence conferred upon him. A sort of psychological backlash. Perhaps you could identify with this kind of thing. Mom, I believe, is one lacking in even the smallest amount of psychological quotient. She keeps threatening to beat him in response to some of his misdeeds. When these threats are not executed, perhaps an unconscious messages goes into his head that they don't mean what they say, and this in return amplifies his confidence. Dad has stopped fixing him. After he beat him two years ago, I and Mom felt that he shouldn't have lost his temper with him. This had such an impact on him that he has stopped fixing him and detached himself from him. He still talks to him, and theirs is a normal relationship but he just doesn't care what he does.

Lately, I'm beginning to believe, that we've all just been going around in circles. Maybe ADHD is at the root of his behavior. I agree the physical treatment he got probably lead to some of this, but there's a great probability it was after all ADHD, and the physical treatment just acted as a catalyst in this whole affair. The symptoms are clearly match with what he exhibits: poor concentration in studies, boisterousness, impulsiveness, always trying to disrupt things. We've got lots of complaints from his teachers as well. He doesn't perform well, and is a constant source of trouble at school.

If this is ADHD after all, he in all likeliness is not doing this because he wants to, but because he just doesn't have control over his behavior. In fact, I once heard him say, "I don't know. I just don't know why I do this. I can't control myself," I'm trying to look at this from a sympathetic point of view. I think it is after all something that has roots into his neurobiology. However, this kind of thing doesn't run in the family.

Recently, after he did something obnoxious, my Mom said, "I'd be the happiest woman on this earth but for him," I think that one sentence precisely sums up this imbroglio. We're such a happy and close-knit family that we don't have a care in this world, and all strain we have is caused by him.

I don't know how this has affected my professional life, although I've tried my best to block this out. Perhaps I might have contributed to the present situation, but as in most critical situations of life, we want to blame the things on ourselves. Similarly, I sometimes find myself trying to see how I could have been one major reason why this is happening. Yes, I was reactive at times, being at the loss of a better method to deal with him.
And even today, I am not really sure how I should respond when he misbehaves. I warn him, ignore him, and admonish him, but nothing works. And since I don't like to be victimized, I resort to physical means sometimes. But I really don't want this happening. I'm grown now, he's grown as well, and it doesn't bode well for the family if their two grown kids are fighting.

Even if I convince Dad to have him checked, I don't think he's going to agree to go. I see him saying something along the lines of, what do you think I am mad; i don't need therapy but you do. you all do," Not sure, but he might say something of that sort.

Another thing of note is that at times he's just normal. We, all four of us, discuss intelligent things and smile and joke happily. At these times, I am forced to compare the happy times with ones when he's causing trouble. In fact, he's a most helpful person on a good day. He sometimes helps me with things I'm challenged-- like electronic gadgets that don't work or some computer bug. This is one essential difference between our situation and situations where boys get perennially detached from families. He's not the kind who'd leave home without notice and come back at his own will. He runs errands for Mom, Dad, and me. He is very intelligent and could excel in class if he exercised some discipline. And there are certain things, he's just OK. He's doesn't watch porn or ogle; he's just not that type, really, who would stalk girls, etc; I do however know that some of his friends have girlfriends and freak around a lot. His only problem is bad behavior.

Now, I'm trying to think toward a solution. Considering that he won't probably go to a clinician, what other options do I have? I can stand everything but physical stuff. That's what gets me, and I react.

Sorry, this turned out so long. I needed to vent.

Thanks for any help!