Unsure Feelings.

My advice would be to stick to the original agreement. I do not always follow my own advice. Anyway, it has been almost two years and she hasn't contacted you, right?

Nope. I shouldn't give advice. You're going to have to work this one out yourself.

Thanks Roger.

I dont think I worded it well enough, we have been in contact around the beginning of this year and it all seemed fine. oh I dunno, should I come back when I know how to word it well enough?

Hello DarkJohn, and welcome to a2k

Your feelings towards your ex girlfriend are perfectly normal. I assume
she was your first love (considering your ages) and one rarely forgets
the first relationship, always will have fond memories of it, but reality is,
times have passed and things would never work out again - it's like sour
milk that won't become fresh again, no matter how long you wait.

Keep her in your good memories, and you always will have a soft spot for
her in your heart - just don't pursue a relationship again, regardless if
it's just a friendship or not. Your feelings towards her are still too raw
to appreciate a simple friendship.

Do not blow your new relationship by keeping your eye in the "rear view mirror"

I know where you guys are coming from, But its not in a 'love' kindve way. Id just love to be mutual with her. Like, be able to invite her out with a group of friends etc...

The time to consider whether to be friends or not in my experience is when you no longer have that awkwardness or any real connection of wanting to be closer or not.

The feeling of either way is fine.

It seems to me that there is too much emotion involved yet.

Relax and let it go for now. There are years and years of life yet so it's not like you have to make your mind up for good now or rush it.

DarkJohn, was there a time when you rode with Robin Hood and his band of merry thieves?

Step 1: Figure out how you feel about your ex

Step 2: find out how your GF feels about your ex and about how you want your ex back in your life

Step 3: decide how to approach your ex

Well, you "miss" something about her.

Maybe the laughs or even that you both were young and in love and you want that "feeling" back, even if it's not with her.

You need to explore this and figure out what you are yearning for. It may not be her, herself, but something she represents.

And it could be just youthful fantasies . . .

Thanks guys for the advice, though Ive been exploring my feelings about her for the past two years! I feel as if I will never know how I truely feel about her without some sort of communication.

Maybe I'm just being immature?

Why are you more interested in analyzing the past than exploring the future?

What does your present girlfriend think about establishing how you truly feel about your Ex?

You and your Ex agreed to limit contact--is your curiosity more important than your word?

so, are you saying that how you feel about her depends upon how she feels abut you?? Why else would you need to talk to her before you could know how you feel about her. yes, that would be immature.

While I do understand your wanting the communication to help you figure out what your true feelings are ..... all of that could backfire on you.

Say for instance .....she becomes more a part of your circle of friends to where you see her more often. Your NOW girlfriend, (who you say you love) picks up on your struggles to figure out what your true feelings are for your X. She doesn't like that. She ends the relationship you two have. In the meantime, your x girlfriend doesn't want to revisit the past ....so you end up losing all the way around.

Are you ok with that? You need to be, because it's exactly how it very well could play out if you insist on pursuing a closer friendship (relationship?) with the now X.

I think what you are feeling is normal. You're young. You just haven't figured out yet, that it's ok to allow an X to keep a little piece of your heart. Hearts have a way of holding on to good memories. Yet, they expand enough, to allow you to fall in love with someone else.

Oh.......and for the record. I think you seem very mature.

I think that talking to your ex could be useful. It should have been long enough for you two to be able to talk without it being uncomfortable as a fresh breakup.

I'm only guessing but you may just miss her being in your life, seeing as she was probably a very important person to you when you were together, and it's weird that you hardly see her anymore. I was once in a similar situation with an ex I hurt very badly, and we talked about two years after and decided to hang out...now we're the best of friends.

Just talk to her, tell her that you are interested in keeping her as a friend and see how she feels about it. The maybe you can figure out how she feels about it, as I's sure she will let you know whether she would like this arrangement or not.

Hope that helps!

PS - Finding out your gfs feelings would also help, im sure as long as you make it clear that your intentions are purely platonic she will be okay with it!

[quote="DarkJohn"]I know where you guys are coming from, But its not in a 'love' kindve way. Id just love to be mutual with her. Like, be able to invite her out with a group of friends etc...[/quote]

Don't go there!
There are hundreds and thousands of people you can be friends with.
WHy does it have to be this special person you have a past with?

As your girlfriend I would find this highly suspicious.
If it was a natural thing because you share the same friends, that would be different, but like this: don't create a problem where there isn't one already!