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BREAKING NEWS! Gus Has Been Paying a Hoofer for Sex!!

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Green Witch
 
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 03:05 pm
Gustav Ratzenhofer has been caught on wire tape arranging to have sex with a professional bovine known only as "Ms. Elsie". He has apparently been paying her thousands of wooden nickels in exchange for romantic trysts in a Washington DC barn.

Here is a recent video of "Ms. Elise" at work:

http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t41/HomesteadHeaven/HEN%20threads/cowstripperok7.gif

When Mrs. Gertrude Ratzenhofer heard of her husband's infidelity she stated: "I will stand by my man until the bursitis in my knees makes me sit down".
Of course, our hearts go out to her.

http://ohsweb.ohiohistory.org/piximages/images/AL06297.jpg


Back in Gus' hometown, things went on as usual, as no one thought this very shocking news, other than the fact that Gus might actually have paid for something...

http://www.mentalfloss.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/435_maidsmilking.jpg
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 1,854 • Replies: 24
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 03:19 pm
I thought she was a heifer...
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 03:23 pm
Hoofer sounds ritht She is dancing - more or less.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 03:24 pm
That's very funny, GW... can I have some of that witches brew you've been drinking?

I didn't know Gus was married, though... you know how he flirts here and is completely bonkers about Calamity Jane. Does Geraldine know this, I wonder? Hmmm...(the plot thickens)...
0 Replies
 
farmerman
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 07:02 pm
Alert the media
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 07:39 pm
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t41/HomesteadHeaven/HEN%20threads/cowstripperok7.gif

My heart is pounding at such a rate right now that I fear it shall explode from my chest.
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 07:49 pm
She is fine piece of meat, Gus. I guess we can't blame you for your fall from grace with a temptation like that.

(Is Gertrude going to leave you?)
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 07:51 pm
Mame wrote:
That's very funny, GW... can I have some of that witches brew you've been drinking?


Ain't got nothin' more witchy than some nettle tea, but you're welcome to a mug full.
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Sglass
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 07:56 pm
Gus, she is udderly beautiful, but she is the first pole dancer I have seen with her teats between her legs. How is she at lap dancing?
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 07:59 pm
Sglass wrote:
Gus, she is udderly beautiful, but she is the first pole dancer I have seen with her teats between her legs. How is she at lap dancing?


To die for.
0 Replies
 
dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 08:10 pm
Sglass wrote:
but she is the first pole dancer I have seen with her teats between her legs.


You've never seen Greenwitch pole dance then.
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 08:11 pm
Shocked
0 Replies
 
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 08:12 pm
and that's not all he's been up to

from the crime report in "The Swamp and Mail" newspaper

A mister Gustavratzenhofer has been under investigation by federal agencies in regards to activities surrounding a pair of aquatic mammals he recently acquired, the mammals are said to be able to live indefinitely if they are kept well fed with sea birds. Upon returning home last night with a fresh supply of sea birds, Mr. Ratzenhofer was startled to find two large felines asleep at the access to his pool, he quietly stepped over them and was at once placed under arrest.

Mr. Ratzenhofer has been charged with transporting gulls across staid lions for immortal porpoises
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 08:14 pm
dadpad wrote:
Sglass wrote:
but she is the first pole dancer I have seen with her teats between her legs.


You've never seen Greenwitch pole dance then.


I guess you've never seen me use a pole to club an Australian male between the legs.
0 Replies
 
dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 08:22 pm
My testicals just retreated up into my groin.

Sorry darlin'.
0 Replies
 
lezzles
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 08:25 pm
Green Witch wrote:
dadpad wrote:

You've never seen Greenwitch pole dance then.

I guess you've never seen me use a pole to club an Australian male between the legs.


Just thinking about it brings a smile to my face! Smile



ossobuco wrote:
I thought she was a heifer...


Are heifers heifier than hoofers?
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 08:34 pm
Lezzles, I really don't know..

Dj, that was amazing news.
0 Replies
 
lezzles
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 09:27 pm
Re: BREAKING NEWS! Gus Has Been Paying a Hoofer for Sex!!
Green Witch wrote:
Gustav Ratzenhofer has been caught on wire tape arranging to have sex with a professional bovine known only as "Ms. Elsie". He has apparently been paying her thousands of wooden nickels in exchange for romantic trysts in a Washington DC barn.

Here is a recent video of "Ms. Elise" at work:

http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t41/HomesteadHeaven/HEN%20threads/cowstripperok7.gif


Checking other threads has indicated that there is a lot more to this scandalous episode than meets the eye. Word on the street is that he infiltrates barn dance venues, befriends innocent young heifers, arranges plenty of 'grass' to help them through the more humiliating aspects of their jobs, gets them hooked on the hard stuff and - zapp! - they're ruined for life!

wandeljw wrote:
Investigators reveal that Ratzenhofer was actually one of the more popular call girls.

http://img166.imageshack.us/img166/1331/gusbikini3nn9.jpg
0 Replies
 
wandeljw
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 09:37 pm
You are correct, lezzles. The investigation has only just begun. These are difficult times for A2K. I hope that we can all overcome the scandal without any backlash against those of us who are gathering the facts. There has already been backlash against Green Witch from your fellow countryman, dadpad.
0 Replies
 
dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Mar, 2008 09:48 pm
I believe this is all a misunderstanding. These news are from 1908, when Gus was a young rowdy whippersnapper, exactly one hundred years ago to the day... Perhaps it's a computer glitch?
0 Replies
 
 

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