The decision to have children..or not

Chai - I just saw your post asking me that question (I rarely get those thread updates on my e-mail)

I didn't mean to ignore it.

Even when I was lugging those poopy diapers in one arm- I had my son in the other.

And he was a happy, beautiful person who made my life feel more full. He made it harder - much less freedom - much more work for sure- but he was just such a delight. So engaging- so funny-I couldn't have imagined anything more beautiful (to me).

I like being close to people - and he loved to be held. I love to sing and he loved to be sung to. I like to play outside and so does he...we just matched...and he never had to be anyplace else with anybody else - I was his favorite person too. When I walked into the room - oh my god - the smiles...you can't describe the feeling.

The other day I was picking him up and I watched him walk toward the car in my side mirror and I can't even describe the love I felt for this person walking toward me.

And when he was a baby -it was pretty intense. My husband was really jealous. It was like falling in love with another person. To the point that I didn't think I should have anymore children because I didn't think I could love them as much.

But - funny thing is - I love my daughter exactly as much but in totally different ways for different reasons. She's not as funny to me, SHE'S freaking WISE- uncannily so. She helps me understand things in so many ways- and always has.

One thing I didn't realize is how vulnerable loving someone so much makes you feel. If anything were ever to happen... and there's always the chance it could
. That's the one feeling I get sometimes that makes me think I should have thought twice. I had no idea about that part of it.

thanks aidan....you said it very clearly.

Yeah, the working at something, but having someone you love next to you.

You're welcome.

Slappy, you know that 50% thing is a myth, right?

I'd have to go hunt down the stats again but I remember that for college-educated people about our age (you're younger, but roughly), it was more like 20% divorce rate (80% success rate).

Found it -- it's 16%. And the rate has been trending steadily downward -- that is, more people who get married stay married.

http://www.able2know.org/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1962285#1962285

Not saying that marriage and children is for everyone -- if you don't want to get married and you don't want to have kids, your prerogative. But don't base it on a myth.