Splitting living expenses with my boyfriend in my house.

Hello steyor and welcome to a2k

So let's do the math, you're paying $ 804 in mortgage + HOA fees
utilities, cable etc. are probably another $ 200 per month, adding it up
to $ 1004. His share of that would be $ 502.

Who pays for food? For a family of 4 (I include his kids here) you
probably spend another $ 800 a month for food an related items. His
share of that would be $ 400, adding his fair share up to $ 902/month.

Does he share household chores with you, like cooking, cleaning, laundry?

Your boyfriend earns more than double your salary and he thinks that
paying $ 600 a month for living expenses and housing is more than he's
willing to pay, then you got a cheapskate and a freeloader on your hands.

I'm thinking that 1/2 the value of rent on a comparable home, and even split on utilities, groceries, etc. As a renter, he shouldn't share in repairs or property taxes, as these expenses would normally be covered by rent. His personal expenses like car payment, suppport, and student loan repayment cannot be used to lower his fair share.

Now, if you are considering buying a home with him, he's going to assume liability for mortgage payment, insurance, property taxes, and repairs. If you procede with this plan, a legally enforceable agreement is in order. Personally, I don't much care for shared ownership in a house, for many reasons.

I agree with Calamity Jane's math.

I'd also like to point out that as far as household expenses go, an adult man and two children probably eat twice as much as an adult woman.

What would he pay to rent a two-bedroom apartment in your area?

THANK YOU BOTH. I was starting to think I was crazy (or greedy). We both buy groceries and he is not opposed to running the vacuum cleaner from time to time so we don't usually quibble about the housework (although I DO do most of it.)

He is just of the mindset that it is my house and I would be paying these bills whether or not he lived there. I think that is nuts!

Any other thoughts would be appreciated.

I agree with what's being said. He should be paying for at least half of the mortgage and utilities.

Yes, you would be paying all of the bills if you lived alone. You would also have unrestricted use of all of the house and all of your time.

I'm not suggesting that you charge Nanny wages, just pointing out that children alter lifestyle--to say nothing of increasing wear and tear on both the house and the furniture.

Yes! Exactly my thoughts! Why can't I make him understand this?? I'm tired of arguing and I'm going to have to let him go if we don't get this straightened out. (SIGH!)

Chances are really good you will have to kick him out. No one who is fair and caring would argue about such an obvious thing. You made a mistake inviting him and his kids into your home.........correct it!

steyor, my sentiments are that you should not buy a home with this
person, you'll live to regret it later on. This man is clearly taking advantage
of you, and questioning $ 600 a month for shelter and food for himself and his 2 children while earning twice your salary, is just beyond my comprehension. Sorry to say, but he's a leech.

Roger and Noddy brought up what it would cost him to pay half the rent an equivalent space in your area, which can be different from half your mortgage payment. Owners generally add expenses like property tax and maintenance, etc. into the rental figure, and that doesn't give the renter rights to the house in any property sale, just that rent is usually more than the mortgage number.

(Others correct me if wrong, eh?)

Well, my husband made twice as much as me, so he paid 2/3 and I paid 1/3 of everything related to the house (includes insurance, hydro, garbage, etc).

As for food, think about it, you are either 1/5 of the number of people, or if you count the two kids as one adult -- and that's debatable because they have food they eat that you don't, ie peanut butter, cereals, juices, lunch stuff, etc, plus there are two of them using toilet paper, toothpaste, etc, so it's not like they equal one adult, but if so -- then it's 1/3 - so you should be paying 1/3 of the food bills.

It doesn't matter that you would be paying all this yourself - he would be, too, so he's getting a great deal. Also, as someone else said, I'm sure you do things with the kids, freeing him up to do other things, and that's priceless.

I also agree with whoever said that if he is so cheap to quibble about paying his and his kids' share now, what will it be like in the future? I'm not liking that about him. He should be appreciative that you accepted his children into your home and willing to pay MORE, not nickel and diming you about the costs.

Good luck with all of that.

Until you can agree on splitting costs for your present living arrangements, don't get further financially entangled with this guy.

Good point, osso. Paying a portion of the mortgage payment might, just might, give the guy some claim on the house itself. Rent would not.

I am kind of curious as to what would have to be done if the guy refuses (or stalls indefinately) when being asked to leave. If it ever comes to that, I mean, and surely, he isn't going to come up with anything for himself and two occasional kids that will be covered by $600.00/month even without including utilities.

Wow, thanks alot. I didn't know what to expect when I landed here, but I figured it was worth a try. You guys are really helping me alot. I hate to seem like some clueless female (which I am not) but sometimes love can really cloud your judgement. You don't know either one of us and gave your opinions based on the facts I gave you. I really appreciate it. If anyone else has anything to add, please do so.

steyor- I just saw your thread. First, Welcome to A2K!

I agree with what has been said. Personally, I think that you are being used. Your bf has a great deal, but he is doing it on your butt.

Noddy is right on target when she talks about not becoming more and more entangled with this guy. I think that you need to do the math, come up with a figure that is fair, and inform him of what you want. If he backs off, so be it. That would tell you about what would happen if you became more involved with him.

When he says that you would be paying for everything yourself (if you lived alone) that would be true, but I'm sure your utilities and food bills would be much cheaper. Why not get a roommate instead to share expenses?

Yes.....you would be paying all those expenses on your own. .....but then again, so would he. I am in a similar situation. The disparity between what I contribute to the household and my boyfriend is glaring. Just because it is MY house, does not mean he gets to live for free, leveraging MY assets so that he can pay his own debt, back taxes , car payment, etc. I have asked my boyfriend to move out. He finally understood when I gave him a monthly accounting of what he pays fr and what I pay. The amount of "0's" in his column was glaring!

Amen to THAT!

And I wouldn't be sad about letting this guy go. He sure doesn't mind abusing your rescource. Don't let him make you feel bad either!