Another relationship going bad

I hope someone can give me some insight on my situation. My wife and I have been married for 8 years and have two great children. But, in the last year or so things had been getting very tense. She started to go out often with friends I never met. She wanted to her independence, was her statement and to feel free to do things on her own accord. She moved to new city and had no friends at the time we first got married and didn't have a job either. She made a lot of sacrifices at the beginning of our marriage to come live with me.

She grew up in a very restrictive household and I was her first and only boyfriend. We got married and at the same time I started a new job hic was quite taxing because of the commute. She gave 100 % at the time to our marriage and me. I on the other was not equally respondent. But, I wanted to make it up to her once I got settled with my job. But, 6 months into our marriage she was pregnant with our first child, it was by an accident. I was not ready for this, or had planned to a have child so soon. I wanted to get settled and be in a sound financial situtation before bringing a child into this world.

My focus changed dramatically and I start focusing on the welfare of our child and less so on the emotionally needs of my wife. So went up and down, but she hung in there with. We then had our second child, planned this time and I just really focused on the kids more so then her. I was not abusive to her, I was very affectionate. But, I was doing some the romantic things with her that would have showed how much I appreciate her.

Anyway after our second child, things started to go downhill with her. She was on the chat rooms to late hours of the night. We were not sleeping in the same bed because of the baby. We felt it was important that child was with us rather than a crib. I started to see a pattern of her ignoring me and doing her own thing.

I had helped her get another job that was more conducive to raising a family. She was working shift work before. Also I thought she would make friends there since it was now 9 to 5. She did make friends and started to go out once and while with them. I encouraged that because I thought it important she have her own friends, rather then always hanging around with mine.

It also occurred to me that I had had been ignoring her for so long and I need to bring back some of the intimacy and romance she never really got from me. I made attempts, but she ignored and wanted to go out with her friends. The more she started to go out with her friends, no more suspcisious I got. Finally, I caught her in a lie and found out she was not going out with her coworkers but some guy, whom wouldn't tell was. She apologized and said it was stupid and would never happen again. I was angry and it took time and I forgave here and tried to carry on.

A few months later I started to see a similar pattern and this time I recorded a conversation with here and a guy. This time talking about where their relationship was heading. I of course was fumed. But, we talked and talked and argued and talked. And I admitted I should not have ignored her and I would do everything to work on this relationship. I would plan romantic get aways and surprises and we would things together. All I asked in return was her being honest with me and tell me the truth and if anything was bothering her to talk to me. I asked if there were any guy friends I should know about, so I don't get suspicious to tell me now. She told me who they were and I was ok with that. I also asked to see her emails to prove to me that this relationship was nothing more than an attention gatherer, she said no and said it was an invasion of her privacy. I said this would help me deal with the situation and if the emails were indeed nothing than she shouldn't have to worry about anything. She still said no. Finally, after two days she came up to me and said I could see them after she had deleted most of the emails. Well, I thought that was useless. But, I still trusted and we both agreed to start working on the relationship.

Three months later, doing everything I could to make her feel special she started acting up again. This time she said it was due to work and she was sorry to ignoring and yelling at me. I took it in the chin and made every effort to make sure she got her work done. What I failed to mention, is the job allowed her to work at home. One day I got suspicious again cause see called me home early to look after the kids, because she had a very important meeting she couldn't miss. I reluctantly agreed because I was overwelhemed at work as well. But, I did it for her. The thing that bothered me was there was a snow storm and the roads were not in great shape and most people were advised to stay and home.

So, I suggested why you had to go out. Just call and rescheduled for the next day. She was adamant that she had to go. So Placed a tape recorder in her car and low and behold she met up with another "friend" for the afternoon to take him to the doctor. Well, as you can see I have lost it. I don't know what to do. I can forgive her for lying to me and move past it, but the now that remains was she intimate with these friends. I can not stand that, she of course swears on our kids lives that there was nothing going on sexually. But, she swore on their hads that last time that there are no other friends too. I can not believe a word she says anymore. She deleted everything on her phone and emails.

I am tired of this, I want to continue on for the sake of the kids. But this image will not fade from my mind and how am i to trust her again. Never once did she say I would never do this to you or the kids. She just defended her stance and said how dare I thing of here as a whore. She admits she lied , but nothing more.

Can you please give some insight on what I should do. I asked to she a marriage counsellor and she refused because she doesn't want text book thrown at her. Also, she feels she can move and work on the relationship, but I have to del with my issues on my own if I can't trust her words. I have been unable to eat and sleep properly for the last 2 weeks. Everytime I try to talk to her she, goes "not again!!" what do you want me to do.

Thanks