worried about someone health and cried, inappropriate? since

eileenye- Welcome to A2K!

There is nothing wrong with feeling badly about someone you care about who is in ill health. Crying is an effective way of dissipating the tension.

You say that you are "conservative". Are you concerned that your reaction would indicate that your feelings for this man are something more that that of a mentor/student?

Rest assured, that your reaction is perfectly normal and natural. It shows that you are a caring person.

thank you so much for your reply.

yes. i have always considered myself a conservative person. i draw a clear line between professor and student friendship. which i believe i might have cross the line a bit when i keep running to him talking about my personal problems with him.

i guess i am just conflicting with myself. i found it odd and inappropriate for me (a student) to dropped tears over their professor's health. i guess i am just worried that this can indicate on my feelings for this man but i seriously doubted.

throughout my college years, i know a professor who passed away due to old age and i don't even have one tear or even a little bit of saddness for him. maybe it was because i never grew close to him and never talked to him about my problems like how i did with this man.

maybe i am just being oversensitive on my own feelings.

eileeneye- There it is. Relationships with professors in college can be very different than with teachers in high school. In college, you can become close with an instructor without doing anything inappropriate. This is not usually possible in high school. The difference is that now we are speaking of two adults, a younger, and an older one. Often, a professor will take a student "under his wing", as this man has apparently done with you.

As a youngster, kids have very little concept of people aging, becoming sick, and dying. Those things are usually out of the experience of most young people, and can be very disturbing the first time that you see someone that you care about deterioriate.

Over time, there is a realization that people are not immortal, and that they do sicken and die. This idea may never become easier to bear, but after awhile there is the realization that these things always happen to everyone, at one time or another.

In the meantime, enjoy the relationship that you have had with this person.Years from now, thoughts of this professor may be a precious memory that you will cherish always.

Caring for someone and crying over the possible loss of that person in your life is perfectly normal. I would be more concerned if someone told me they cared about someone, realized that person may pass soon and DIDN'T cry.

There are many different relationships in our lives and people that come and go as we need them. He has been there for you in your time of need. I do not doubt that you also served a purpose in his life, a purpose you may never know. Perhaps it was enriching for him to know that a student trusted him and respected his opinion enough to come to him as you did. Perhaps he was ready to retire, and found new purpose in teaching through you needing him. You may never know.

Certainly you should not feel bad about yourself for crying. It is a natural response, and one you allowed yourself in this instance because it was authentic to who you are. I wish it were easier for you to do so without feeling bad.

We all have things that we carry with us from our upbringing; things that are not our "truth." I hope that you are able to wrestle free of this one and continue to allow yourself to feel and respond as you need to.