Anger Management Techniques

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take
it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
answered, saying 'Hello.'

I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' and the phone was slammed
down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong'
number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an
asshole!' and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word
'asshole' next to it, and put it in
my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him
up and yell, 'You're an asshole!' It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop... So, I
called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling
to see if you're familiar with
our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're
an asshole!' and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into
the spot I had patiently waited
for. I hit the horn and
yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I
thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is.'

I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oak tree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in
front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?'

He said, 'My name is Don Hansen,'

I asked, 'Whens
a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said, 'Yes?'

I said, 'Don, you're
an asshole!'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two
assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, 'Hello.'

I said, 'You're an asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'

I said, 'Yeah,'

He screamed, 'Stop calling me,'

I said, 'Make me,'

He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oak tree Blvd, in Fairfax, a
yellow rambler, I have
a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better
start saying your
prayers.'

I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung
up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, 'Hello?'

I said, 'Hello, asshole'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said, 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass,'

I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming
over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying
that I lived at 34 Oak
tree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was
on my way over there to kill my gay
lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oak tree Blvd. in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap
out of each other in front of six
cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work