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Sun 17 Feb, 2008 05:57 pm
I have been with my partner for 8 years. We do not live together but I spend almost half my time at his place.
He lives with his mother and I get along with her fine.
The problem is with his two boys, 8 and 10. They stay with him for one weekend per fortnight.
The house has three bedrooms. One of the bedrooms is for the kids when they visit. It is the largest room in the house and has lots of decent furniture.
My partner's mother has the other room and me and my partner sleep in his room.
What irritates me is, not only do the kids have this massive room, but half the loungeroom is taken up with shelves containing all their toys - and when they come over, one plays on the x-box in our room and the other takes over the computer.
All I have is one bedside table and I feel completely lacking in space.
I'm not happy about the second rate treatment I get compared to his kids. I put this to my partner but he just doesn't seem to understand - he skirts around the issue. I'm so sick of his kids having the run of the house - taking up the majority of the space available - and they're only for 2 nights a fortnight.
Am I right in feeling this?
You're at your BF's mother's home half the time, do you have your own home or do you live with your parents?
Perhaps it would be best if you stayed at your own place when the children visit their father and grandmother - it would be less annoying for everyone that way.
Hi there gerena. Welcome to A2K!
I bet that is a little frustrating for you. BUT ..... would you have much respect for a man you were dating that didn't put his kids first? And keep in mind that just because you feel he is putting them first..doesn't mean he loves you any less. Everyone has value. He just HAS to put them first in many things. They are his children.
And the fact that he only has them a short amount of time, probably makes him feel like he needs to give them the best. Though, one would think under the circumstances, he can find a way to compromise with you, too.
Another thing to think about. You very well could end up driving him away if he feels like he has to choose between you and the kids.
For me the motivation for the situation is important. If it is basic spoiling (bad parenting) this problem is going to get a whole lot worse in the pre-teen years. If it is spoiling you owe it to yourself to try to do something about it as this does effect you.
If you figure out why eight years with this guy does not get you more respect for your needs when your needs come up against what he wants to do for his kids you will have some idea if you can do anything about it.
You may have zero pull to change anything...to me that would say something about the relationship.
He lives with his mother. His mother has already given up the largest room of her own house for his children.
What are the financial arrangements? Does your partner pay for half of the mortgage and living expenses and do you pay for half of his half since you are there half the time?
The kids are there only one night a fortnight. What happens to that large bedroom for the rest of the days they are not there?
It sounds like there is an undercurrent here that belongs to another issue...the issue of you having been together for 8 years and the relationship not progressing past the point of him living with his mother and you with the status of visiting girl friend.
Why is he still living with his mother? It can't be because she helps care for the kids if you are also there half the time.
Why are the two of you trying to expand your territory in his mother's house rather than finding a place of your own for you to live and his kids and mother to visit?
Gerena--
If these kids are 8 and 10 and you have been with your partner for 8 years, then all they know is a part time father.
Your Significant Other has done his best to show his kids that they are important people--very important people, despite the the fact that he sees them only every other weekend.
You feel since he spends much more time with you than with them that you deserve the master bedroom, all of the lounge and access to the electronic gadgets at all times.
You want him to demote his kids so you can be not only the Queen of His Heart, but the Queen of His Mother's Castle.
Remember, there are hundreds--thousands--of other men in the world for you, but these kids have only one father. They don't need a Wicked Stepmother--and neither does their father.
Noddy nailed it.
Stop whining.
they shouldn't have the biggest room, every other weekend?
sorta stupid.
Then again, what do you know....
living with his mom? i dont even live with my mom and i completely shirk off all responsibilities sent my way.
GG.
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