editing of short passage

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Could someone please edit this short passage meant for Grade 3 students for me. Many thanks.

One day a wicked witch used her wand and a dragon appeared after she had muttered some magic words. Then she flew home on the dragon and put it in a cage. The dragon grew bigger day by day.

One day, the witch forgot to lock the door of the cage. The dragon came out of it and killed the witch and then set fire to the witch's house. Next, it went around killing a lot of people. Fortunately, a hunter killed it or else it would have killed all the villagers.

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Do you want an opinion?

That is a low-quality text which I would not give to "students". Do you mean schoolchildren? What age are they?

I think you could find better stuff than that.

Sorry if you wrote it yourself: it just doesn't appeal to me.

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Hi Mc Tag

It is meant for students who are eight years old.

Could you please improve the story for me if it is too simple for eight-yeat-old children?

Thanks in advance.

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I'm a bit of a traditionalist, and to me students are people who have left school and are eighteen years old or more.

I don't like the modern trend, and it may have come from America, of calling schoolchildren "students".

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It's true, any person who attends school in the U.S. is a "student".

Here's how I'd tell the story:

One day a wicked witch waved her wand, muttered some magic words, and a dragon appeared! "Carry me home!" she commanded, and climbed onto the dragon's back. The dragon flew to the wicked witch's house, and the witch shoved it into a cage and locked the door. The dragon lived in the cage for a long time. It grew bigger day by day.

One day, the witch forgot to lock the door of the cage. The dragon escaped, killed the witch, and with one puff of his breath of fire, burned the the witch's house to the ground. It killed any person it saw. It burned all the houses it saw. Fortunately, a hunter killed it or else it would have killed all the villagers.

It ends very suddenly. If you aare just writing a couple of paragraphs to show examples of English sentences, it's fine. If you want to tell an interesting story, though, you'll have to add something about how the hunter found out about the dragon, how he killed it, who else tried to kill it -- details that will make the reader care about the end of the story.

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McTag wrote:

I'm a bit of a traditionalist, and to me students are people who have left school and are eighteen years old or more.

I don't like the modern trend, and it may have come from America, of calling schoolchildren "students".

Hi Mc Tag

I used to use 'pupil'. However, one BrE dictionary says that 'pupil' is out of date. Hence my usage of 'student'.

Just now, I referred to two other dictionaries of mine and they do not mention that. I'm aware that 'student' is AmE and the word is used of all who attend school, including those at college.

Thanks for pointing out my mistake.

Regards

Yoong Liat

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Many thanks, Wy. Your version is very much better than mine. There is no need for an elaborate ending because the passage is to be used for filling in the blanks. It is called 'cloze passage'.

Once again, many thanks, for giving me such a wonderful piece of writing.

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I disagree that "pupil" is out of date. In BrE, it denotes a school student as distinct from one at college or university.

Note that in BrE a "school" means an establishment for pupils aged between five and eighteen.

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contrex wrote:

I disagree that "pupil" is out of date. In BrE, it denotes a school student as distinct from one at college or university.

Note that in BrE a "school" means an establishment for pupils aged between five and eighteen.

You're doggone tootin', contrex. In no way, shape or form is "pupil" out-dated.

And schoolchildren can not be students in the accepted meaning of the word. They don't do independent study. They are taught. They are pupils.
So I'm afraid America is wrong in this.

Smile

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Hi Contrex and Mc Tag

In Singapore, a pupil studies until he reaches O levels (after ten years of education). After that those who do well can go to A levels for another two years at a Junior College. Do I call those attending the college pupils or students?

Others, after O level, proceed to a polytechnic for another three years. Are they 'students' or 'pupils'?

Those attending Junior College will proceed to the university if their results are good enough. For those attending polytechnic, they can proceed to the university if their results are very, very good. This paragraph gives you a picture of our education system.

Many thanks.

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Yoong Liat wrote:

In Singapore, a pupil studies until he reaches O levels (after ten years of education). After that those who do well can go to A levels for another two years at a Junior College. Do I call those attending the college pupils or students?

Yes

Quote:

Others, after O level, proceed to a polytechnic for another three years. Are they 'students' or 'pupils'?

Students

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contrex wrote:

Yoong Liat wrote:
In Singapore, a pupil studies until he reaches O levels (after ten years of education). After that those who do well can go to A levels for another two years at a Junior College. Do I call those attending the college pupils or students?

Yes

Hi Contrex

Just to confirm: 'Yes' refers to pupils?

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Sorry, Yoong Liat, I was too hasty. I would call those at Junior College "students". Everybody studying after the years of compulsory education is a student, unless in the sixth form at a school. (Do you have sixth forms in Singapore?)

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Hello Contrex

In Singapore, children start school at 6 years of age and proceed to Secondary School after 6 years (Primary 1 to 6) and continue to study for another 4 years (Secondary 1 to 4). After that, those with very good results will study for 2 years at Junior College (JC) before going to university. So I think those at JCs are called 'students'.

However those who do not get results good enough to go to university can go to the polytechnic for three years. I think the children studying there are called 'students'.

What is Form 5 equivalent to in our education system in Singapore? Secondary 5?

I was told that in England some universities are referred to as polytechnics. Is that true?

All the best.

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In Britain, a child's progress through the school system is measured by year numbers. School attendance is compulsory from the September after a child's 5th birthday until the end of the term after their 16th birthday.

A new pupil will be in Year 1 and a child who leaves at 16 will be leaving Year 11. 'O' levels have been superceded by GCSEs now, and these are sat in Year 11. If a child stays on at school for A levels these are sat in Years 12, 13, and 14 (at the end of year 14 a pupil is approaching 19 years of age).

So your Secondary 5, allowing for the later start, educates children of the same age as UK Year 12, the old "first year of sixth form" of my day (40 years ago).

Quote:

I was told that in England some universities are referred to as polytechnics. Is that true?

Not exactly. Before 1992, you could study for a degree at a university or a polytechnic college. In that year 38 out of the 39 UK polytechnics were awarded university charters and changed their names. So some UK universities. I suppose, are former polytechnics.

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Many thanks, Contrex, for the information.

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editing of short passage

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