my kids and chores

You have been wronged. I would start screaming. Nothing causes motivation like a woman's scream.

poor puppy. that is indeed not fair and also disrespectful. you made the rules clear and they were broken... i know the Ex is an Ex for a reason... but would he be open to a (firm) discussion? Can you set up some consequences for broken rules (for the Ex, too)?

Why couldnt EX let the dog out to pee?

The ex isn't allowed in my house(stuborn rule made by me when he walked out) And he is also not up for discussion(non-confrontational) and he could care less how I feel.

My head hurts.

I guess you will have to resort to old fashioned discipline, Marty. Take away the kid's skateboard for a week. Or, better yet, his computer.

You owe me nothing for this advice.

Thanks gus, I owe you one!

Kids are grounded.

but isn't this largely his fault? wasn't he supposed to wait until they go home by bus and let the dog out instead of picking them up from school? if so, he should be grounded, not the kids....

(how old are they?)

14 and 16,

I think I'm crabby because I've been working extra hours to cover someone who's out from surgery.

well...14 and 16 are also old enough to be able to tell dad "No, I first have to stop off at home"....

We sat down at the kitchen table and had a family meeting to come up with a better plan.

what did the offspring suggest?


for the record, you sound like a really cool mom. if they don't shape up i'll come be their nanny.

[quote="dagmaraka"]if they don't shape up i'll come be their nanny.[/quote]

That should do it!

Well, my son thinks it would be better if he had his chores written down and posted on his bedroom door. My daughter said if I assigned her certain things that she'll make sure she gets them done.

I feel badly because my little rant had more to do with my frustration about my ex's constant lack of respect for me.


Thanks, and they're pretty cool kids.

Marty, have you seen these. A friend of mine has one and the kids love it. The whole family communicates on it and you can't miss it because everyone eats:

Fridge Door Chalkboard

Marty--

Not only is your Ex an Ex for good reason, he's not going to change. His convenience comes before your wishes or the dog's bladder.

If your kids were younger, I'd hesitate to put them in the middle.

Decide the hill you're going to die on. I'd pass up battles on visitation day about room cleaning and other household chores. The dog's bladder is worth fighting for.

If they have to learn to be responsible without paternal backing (for important things) then they'll just have to tell Good Time Daddy, "First we have to...."

Agree with Noddy. The responsibility has to be with the kids, they are old enough, and the Ex is, well, in his own world. The kids came up with good ideas (although Mr. Son can surely write a list of chores assigned to him on a piece of paper and stick it on his door if that helps him, you shouldn't have to do this for him). The chalkboard sounds like a good idea, too.

Since son was the one who said he needed reminders posted on his door, it sounds to me like he may have just forgotten the dog was home with no one to let them out.

Makes me wonder how a note on his bedroom door was supposed to help him remember something when he's getting in the car at school.

Maybe you need to pin a note to his shirt. :wink:

I don't know about your daughter, but I think maybe she realized her error more than your son.


The next time one of them has to go to the bathroom, I'd tell them they have to wait a half and hour before they go. Maybe one of them needs to know what it feels like. The dog had to wait a lot longer than that.

I do think it is some what your ex's fault, however, your children are old enough to understand the rules. Also it doesn't appear you will be able to change your ex's ways. In this case, your children are going to have to be more responsible.

What do you think of this? Sit them down and explain how breaking the rules caused a problem. Dog nearly burst his kidney, after working your butt off all day, you had to come home and clean everything. Also, explain even though dad came to get them early, they need to explain to dad that they can't leave with him until they finish what is expected. Dad could drive them home, wait in the car until they finish their chores. Then tell them what will happen next time if they don't complete their chores - make it good too. If you do decide to punish them now, don't make it as harsh as if they do it again - since you are now setting the clear rules.

Re: my kids and chores


Perhaps I'm missing a backstory here but while everyone else is busy jumping on the ex I've got a few questions on your original post.

You said you emailed your ex. Do you know that he got the email? Did he respond to it?

Also, you mention that you "told the kids" that there were chores to be done and then mention that your ex picked up the son directly from shcool - so that explains the son not doing his chores. But you make no mention of the ex picking up the daughter directly from school. What was her reason for not doing any of the chores (like letting the dog out)?