Is it love?

There are many couples who retain the emotional bond after the split, and sometimes they do get back together. The test for me would be 1) how does my ex feel about me and 2) is there now away that we can make being a couple work were as we could not before? I have heard a lot of people say that they truly love their ex and their ex loves them, they just can't live together, they can't avoid getting into bad relationship dynamics which make them both unhappy.

4 years seems like a long time to me, if it has been 4 years of a good friendship then i would question the amount of potential of a intimate relationship. Where is the passion? Are you both retraining yourselves mightily against what you want?

I just don't think that I have gotten over him, although I have dated some other guys. He is definitely not perfect, but I still feel extremely close to him. I have avoided getting intimate because I am afraid of what it would do to us emotionally.

Neither of us has lots of friends, so we have this messed up relationship where we still count on each other, but there are no expectations.

I am starting to feel that something needs to happen in our lives. We cannot continue on like this forever. At the same time, I can't bear the thought of not having him in my life. I also wonder if I could be with him as a my husband again.

It's a very confusing and messed up situation.

Assuming that he has not moved on either you're stuck, he is stuck, and your relationship is stuck. Why? why is there not enough passion to either drive you back together or apart (love/hate-flips of he same coin)?

on your side there are four possibilities, you don't know what you want, you don't have the courage to go after what you want, he is not the one you want, he is the one you want but you have convinced yourself that you can't have him.

figure yourself out, and if it turns out that you want him then go get him.

We are both stuck. I feel that it is time to finally get unstuck.

Part of me wants to get back with him because I know what I am getting. He is a decent guy who never cheated or hit me or anything. It would be really easy to get back together with him. The relationship would be kind of blah, but not bad.

Part of me wonders what it will be like with someone else. I have all of these romantic fantasies, but I know in the end what reality will be like. I haven't really met anyone that is any better or any more exciting. It seems like any relationship will end up being about the same.

Should I just get back together with him and make a concerted effort to start our lives over?

This is your life, you are the one who is going to have to decide where to go. I am glad that you are now at least thinking about going some where.

What are his thoughts?

Why would you have to go from the current situation back to a full-scale romantic relationship all at once?

Why don't you just go out on an honest-to-goodness date or two and see if there are any sparks?

Of course you love him!!! He's a dear friend.

Now - do you want to MARRY him?

I think not.

If this fellow were really that good, you'd be with him now.

Time to move on. Let go of him and find yourself what you dream of.

But that takes courage . . . . do you have it???

Hello,

From my perspective, marriage is about both love and compatibility. A person can love someone to death, and still have incompatibilities with them - incompatibilities which mean a marriage wouldn't work.

Also, what we want and need from a friend is not the same as what we want from a husband/wife.

Perhaps it will help some