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Fri 25 Jan, 2008 12:06 pm
Could someone please edit this passage meant for Year 3 students for me. Thank you very much.
It was Zi Hong's eighth birthday last Sunday. His mother threw a birthday party for him in their house. Zi Hong invited Jack, Jerry, Mary and John to his birthday party.
The party started at noon. His friends gave him presents. The living room was decorated with l balloons and streamers, both of which were colourful. The table was laden with a lot of delicious food.
Soon Zi Hong was lighting the candles on the cake, and his friends soon wished him happy birthday by singing the song.. Next, Zi Hong blew out the candles, made a birthday wish and cut the cake in half. Next he cut the cake into several slices and gave a slice to each of his guests. Of course, those who had the appetite ate more than one slice. When they had eaten the cake, it was time to eat the food prepared by Zi Hong's mother.
When they had finished eating, Zi Hong and his friends played blind man's buff, passing the parcel and other games.
The party ended at 6 pm. and his friends bade him goodbye and he bade them goodbye in return.
About half an hour after the party ended, Zi Hong vomited and had a bad stomachache. He groaned in pain continuously. Soon his mother took him to a clinic. She also took along a few plastic bags in case Zi Hong vomited, Before reaching the clinic, he vomited into the plastic bag. Fortunately, he did not vomit while he was with the doctor. After examining him, the doctor said he had eaten too much food and was suffering from indigestion. He prescribed some medicine for him and advised him to take the medicine until his stomach stopping aching. He advised not to go to school the next day and gave me one-day medical leave.
Surprising soon after taking just one pill after he returned home, his stomach no longer ached and he no longer vomited.
Re: editing of passage meant for Year 3 students
A cautionary tale. I hope it wasn't based on personal experience?
My suggestion...
It was Zi Hong's eighth birthday last Sunday. His mother threw a birthday party for him in their house. Zi Hong invited Jack, Jerry, Mary and John to his birthday party.
The party started at noon. His friends gave him presents. The living room was decorated with colourful balloons and streamers. The table was laden with delicious food.
Soon Zi Hong was lighting the candles on the cake, while his friends sang "Happy Birthday". Next, Zi Hong blew out the candles, made a birthday wish and cut the cake in half. Next he cut the cake into several slices and gave a slice to each of his guests. Of course, those who were more hungry ate more than one slice. When they had eaten the cake, it was time to eat the food prepared by Zi Hong's mother.
When they had finished eating, Zi Hong and his friends played Blind Man's Buff, Pass The Parcel and other party games.
The party ended at 6 pm. and he and his friends bade each other goodbye.
About half an hour after the party ended, Zi Hong vomited and had a bad stomachache. He groaned in pain continuously and soon his mother took him to a clinic. She also took along a few plastic bags in case Zi Hong vomited. Before reaching the clinic, he vomited into one of these. Fortunately, he did not vomit while he was with the doctor. After examining him, the doctor said he had eaten too much food and was suffering from indigestion. He prescribed some medicine and advised him to take the medicine until his stomach stopped aching. He also advised Zi Hong not to go to school the next day.
He took one pill after returning home and felt better surprisingly soon. His stomach no longer ached and he no longer felt sick.
Hi Contrex
Many thanks for the corrections. It is a story, not a personal experience.
Best wishes.
Further alterations...
It was Zi Hong's eighth birthday last Sunday. His mother threw a party for him in their house. He invited his friends Jack, Jerry, Mary and John. The party started at noon. His friends gave him presents. The living room was decorated with colourful balloons and streamers, and the table was laden with delicious food. Soon Zi Hong was lighting the candles on the cake, while his friends sang "Happy Birthday". Next, Zi Hong blew out the candles, made a birthday wish and cut the cake in half. Then he cut the cake into several slices and gave a slice to each of his guests. Of course, those who were more hungry ate more than one slice. When they had eaten the cake, it was time to eat the food prepared by Zi Hong's mother. When they had finished eating, Zi Hong and his friends played Blind Man's Buff, Pass The Parcel and other party games.
At six o'clock, the party ended and Zi Hong and his friends bade each other goodbye. About half an hour later, Zi Hong vomited and had a bad stomachache. He groaned in pain continuously and soon his mother took him to a clinic. She also took along a few plastic bags in case Zi Hong vomited. Before reaching the clinic, he needed to use of these. Fortunately, he did not vomit while he was with the doctor. After examining him, the doctor said he had eaten too much food and was suffering from indigestion. He prescribed some pills to be and advised him to take them until his stomach stopped aching. He also advised Zi Hong not to go to school the next day. He took a pill after returning home and felt better surprisingly soon. His stomach no longer ached and did not feel sick any more.
A small point... In ordinary BrE writing it is often the practice to be somewhat coy about the physical realities of life, to use euphemisms when talking about such things as having sex, going to the toilet, death, sickness, etc. So a native BrE speaker might say that Zi Hong "was sick" rather than coming right out and saying that he vomited.
Thanks, Contrex, for the additional information.
May I ask you one question which is taboo to your culture, I believ?
If you want to know whether your brother is urinating or defeacating in the toilet, how would you word it a polite way. In Singapore, I see in print 'passing motion', but I cannot find the expression in my dictionaries.
Could you please let me know how to ask whether a person is defaecating in a courteous manner?
Many thanks.
Only "taboo" in certain circumstances, when you need to talk politely e.g. to an older person or at work or school, or in the presence of people eating or about to eat.
Among social equals e.g. two friends talking to each other, it may be Ok to be extremely informal and say "I need to have a ****" or "I need to have a piss", but this needs to be done with care.
In polite company one does not specify the precise reason why one needs to visit the toilet. Indeed, one does not even mention that. One might say, "I'm going to wash my hands", or if at work just get up and go.
However, there are various euphemisms that one can use (not an exhaustive list)
Urination
With children:
Take or have or do a wee, a tinkle, a pee-pee, a "number one".
Among male friends: (much possibility for joking here)
a piss, a slash, a Jimmy / Jimmy Riddle (rhymes with "piddle") strain the potatoes, take a leak.
defecation
With children:
a pooh, a "number two"
Among male friends: (much possibility for joking here also)
a ****, a crap, a brown job, a jobbie, a big job, visit Gordon Brown (a recent one), drop off a job lot.
When talking to the doctor one could talk about "moving my bowels" or "emptying my bladder".
Many thqnks, Contrex, for the information.
An American friend of mine told me that they do not like to talk about the subject. He told me he will ask, "Is it a long job or a short job?"
Regards
You remind me of a comical misunderstanding that I once had. I was reading a social science book about blocks of flats in the USA ("Housing projects") and a resident of one of these told an interviewer that she objected to nonresident people getting in the building and "going to the bathroom" on the stairwell landings. My first thought was "How enlightened of the city authorities to provide bathrooms on each landing", but I later realised that I had not understood correctly!
Hi Contrex
I think the Americans are more senstive to such issues than the British.
Regards
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