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Thu 24 Jan, 2008 08:46 pm
Hi
Could someone please edit this passage meant for Year 3 students for me? Thank you very much.
I live in a five-room flat. I am fortunate because most of my neighbours are friendly and considerate. The lifts are clean and there is seldom any litter in them. Unlike some other blocks, one can sometimes see urine on the floors of the lifts. There are also several shops near my flat so it is easy to buy things that I need. Several coffee shops are near one another, so I have no problem when it comes to having my meal or a cup of drink. Medical clinics are a common sight. In fact, there are three within walking distance of my flat. If I am sick, I can just walk to the nearest medical clinic.
To go to school, I can take a bus there. Some people go to school or work by taxi. However, it is quite difficult to get a taxi because there are usually more passengers than taxis during the morning rush hour. Some people prefer to take the Mass Rapid Transit (MRT), which is our tube. There is an MRT station quite near my house. I have to take a ten-minute walk to reach the station. When I need to go shopping at the weekends, and it is more convenient to take the MRT, I will take the train to there, otherwise I will take a bus.
There is a 7-eleven convenience shop near my house. As it is open 24 hours a day, I can buy some food to cook or a loaf of bread when I am hungry when all the other shops are closed. I can walk there as it is nearby.
I like to live in my estate because of the convenience mentioned above.
Re: editing of passage meant for Year 3 students
Sure, you just need some Americanization. I'll highlight the corrections.
Yoong Liat wrote:'SUP
I live in a five-room APARTMENT. I am fortunate because most of THE FOLKS are friendly and considerate. The ELEVATORS are clean and there is seldom any TRASH in them. Unlike some other HOOD, one can sometimes see urine on the floors of the ELEVATORS. There are also several WAL-MARTS near my APARTMENT so it is easy to buy STUFF that I need. Several STARBUCKS are near one another, so I have no problem when it comes to GETTING GRUB or a BOTTLE of COKE. Medical clinics are a common sight. In fact, there are three within walking distance of my APARTMENT. If I am sick, I can just walk to the nearest medical clinic.
Okay, more seriously. "Cup of drink" sounds funny. "Cup to drink" is better.
You don't need to say "to there." Just "there."
"To go to school, I can take a bus there" needs to be changed. You need to at least remove the word there, but it will flow better as "I can take a bus to school."
HI SCoates
I use Britsh English.
Best wishes.
I know. The American thing was a joke. My second post contains my actual suggestions.
I live in a five-room flat. I am fortunate because most of my neighbours are friendly and considerate. The lifts are clean and there is seldom any litter in them. Unlike some other blocks, one can sometimes see urine on the floors of the lifts. If the lifts are clean one would not expect urine. Did you mean "Like some other blocks"?, also one would expect to smell rather than see urine There are also several shops near my flat so it is easy to buy things that I need. Several coffee shops are near one another, so I have no problem when it comes to having my a meal or a cup of drink "a drink" or "a cup of coffee". Medical clinics are a common sight. In fact, there are three within walking distance of my flat. If I am sick, I can just walk to the nearest medical clinic.
To go to school, I can take a bus there delete "there" . Some people go to school or work by taxi."however" is usually a joining word so no full stop required However, it is quite difficult to get a taxi because there are usually more passengers than taxis during the morning rush hour. Some people prefer to take the Mass Rapid Transit (MRT), which is our tube. There is an MRT station quite near my house. I have to take a ten-minute walk to reach the station. When I need to go shopping at the weekends, and it is more convenient to take the MRT, I will take the train to there delete "to there" or be more specific about where "there" is, the MRT or the shops, otherwise I will take a bus.
There is a 7-eleven convenience shop near my house. As it is open 24 hours a day, I can buy some food to cook or a loaf of bread when I am hungry when all the other shops are closed. I can walk there as it is nearby.
I like to live in my estate because of the convenience mentioned above.
Good job Yoong. changes are minor as usual.
Scoates Thanks for your input oith humourous and serious, much appreciated. Humour is very often lost on non English speakers as I have found to my chagrin on a number of occasions. In addition the rest of the world does NOT need more Americanisation. That kind of humour however well intentioned will go over like a lead balloon.
My heartfelt gratitude for your editing of my passage.
Hi Dadpad
I live in a five-room flat. I am fortunate because most of my neighbours are friendly and considerate. The lifts are clean and there is seldom any litter in them. Unlike some other blocks, one can sometimes see urine on the floors of the lifts. If the lifts are clean one would not expect urine. Did you mean "Like some other blocks"?, also one would expect to smell rather than see urine
I mean the lifts in my block of flats is clean. In some other flats, the residents can be inconsiderate and urinate onto the floor of the lift.
Is the sentence in my passage correct? Many thanks.
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