He is not open to discuss marriage and the one time we have he told me that he has a wait and see attitude about it. There are things about me that he would like to see change, one of which is the fact that if I am upset about something I want to talk about it.
The othere dynamic is that HIS family dislikes me and my children very much and have only spoken to me and them once. The wifes family seems okay with me. I just dont know
I cannot see myself living through this life without having another relationship. I cannot see myself living through losing someone I love and invest in so much again. The obvious solution is to have a relationship but limit the love and emotional investment so I will be able to live on if/when I lose them.
When a widower makes the move past this self-limiting belief, a lot of the relational issues present are relieved because the widower begins investing more. They start placing the value on their partner and their relationship that is more appropriate and healthy. Until you get to the point that you are not willing to settle for less than this, he'll happily stay where he is. It is safe for him and there is no reason to risk.
One challenge to dating a widower is that society tends to treat them as though they are elevated and worthy of having bad behavior excused because they suffered a loss in death. "Give him time." That only washes for so long. Expect the same treatment in a relationship with a widower as you would with any other man. Understand where he's coming from but don't settle for less than you deserve. If he can't manage that, is he really ready for a relationship with anyone?
Dating a widower is filled with challenges beyond the individual personality of the man behind the title. At some point you have to stop giving him time and confront how his widowhood is impacting you and your relationship. Then you can go back to giving him more time as long as there continues to be forward progress. :wink: It's a process, one that isn't for the timid or the weak.