Rocky in the 3rd year

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I normally only join forums to converse with friends and family, however, here I am looking for unbiased opinions and rationale.

First some background.
I am nearly 23 years of age and I have been married to my husband (I'll call him "John", aged 21) since August 28, 2005. We were living on the Gulf Coast at the time and were actually forced to evacuate for our honeymoon. We lost our home and one car and had major difficulties (like so many others) dealing with FEMA---in other words, things just started off rocky.
I know they say the first few years are tough, but I can't help but wonder about the stability of myself and my husband and the stability of our marriage.
There is no infidelity on either part, nor any abuse...just the typical money stress and emotional insecurities.
My problem is this---I worry that we are getting too "old and comfortable" with each other too soon, like we have been married for ages. I'm quite sure it is not normal. Any advice is appreciated.

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Its normal.
Stop worrying. Life is essentially a long series of boring periods punctuated by interesting (sometimes painfull) events. My 19 year old daughter said the other day "I'm sick of being a grown up". It sounds a little similar with you.

A Canadian friend uses the phrase "if it's to be it's up to me"

You are responsible for your life.

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Perhaps, it is normal. I just told "John" that I don't care to see him right now and that he is only welcome around me upon invite following a brief argument over his new job....or really over his ideas of what I will be doing when he is out of town. He knows that I am faithful (as we are usually together or else I am at work or with family (both verifiable) and his insinuations that I would be "partying" were at first infuriating, but now I feel more like the parent to an irrational child, having just placed him on marital restriction. He generally argues for a rise now, and I am learning to become indifferent to him when he does this to avoid unneccessary problems.
I suppose some advice on alleviating this situation is more what I am seeking.

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Life ebbs and flows...go with the tide.

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emmalye wrote:

Perhaps, it is normal. I just told "John" that I don't care to see him right now and that he is only welcome around me upon invite following a brief argument over his new job....or really over his ideas of what I will be doing when he is out of town. He knows that I am faithful (as we are usually together or else I am at work or with family (both verifiable) and his insinuations that I would be "partying" were at first infuriating, but now I feel more like the parent to an irrational child, having just placed him on marital restriction. He generally argues for a rise now, and I am learning to become indifferent to him when he does this to avoid unneccessary problems.
I suppose some advice on alleviating this situation is more what I am seeking.

Marital restrictions?
Thats not "normal" Perhqps his insuations were meant to be a joke but came out the wrong way Perhaps it's his way of exprexssing his concern about your the state of your relationship.

A professional councillor would be of more benefit here as we're only getting your side of the story.

And it sounds like your being a little petty instead of having some understanding.

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Emmalye--

Welcome to A2K.

I'm confused. You say that your afraid your marriage is settling into a rut and that part of that rut is your husband making unfounded accusations about your behavior when he's out of town?

A successful marriage demands that each partner put up with the other partner's little quirks and peculiarities.

Emotional insecurity that brings on accusations of infidelity is not a little quirk.

How long did you and John know each other before you married?

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Quote:

A successful marriage demands that each partner put up with the other partner's little quirks and peculiarities.

Perhaps you should explain what you mean by 'put up with'.

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Vikorr--

Mr. Noddy does not crumple ice cream containers before throwing them away. After thirty years I'm resigned to crumpling his ice cream containers.

Quirks are quirks and not worth fighting over.

If Mr. Noddy dumped the garbage on the floor with the intention of putting me on my hands and knees to pick it up, Mr. Noddy and I would be having words.

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Too much togetherness?
Not enough?
One outgrowing the other?
Suffocation?
Who knows!?
For sure, too much focusing on each other.

Each of you are at the age where you need to concentrate of developing your careers or going to school (studying for a career). Kind of like parallel growth . . .

In any case, this is way too early in your marriage to be having issues like this. See someone soon to talk about it.

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Emmalye,

While it may be normal, getting 'old and comfortable' is something people allow to happen to their marriages, because
- people have a fairly predictable personality/likes/dislikes; and
- you get used to them and their likes/dislikes; and
- the other way is a great deal of work

If you want a marriage that offers new things forever, you need to both talk to your partner, and put in a lot of thought and effort...the vast majority of people aren't prepared to do this.

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By the way . . . . Your feeling like a parent to John and enforcing "Marital restriction" go hand in hand. What a way to punish the little boy in him!!

Do yourself a favor in your marriage (and also to save his self esteem) If you don't feel like making love, make it an "I" statement.

"I" don't feel well about us right now.
"I" am not feeling romantic.
"I" am going to sleep right now.
"I" need time to think about us before I can even think about making love.

Then it is about your feelings, and there's no need for the word "You" when talking to him about the relationship.

. . . just some word of advice from a long-time (twice) married woman.
Laughing

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dadpad wrote:

Life is essentially a long series of boring periods punctuated by interesting (sometimes painful) events...

If you're lucky! :wink:

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You feel like you are growing 'old and comfortable' too quickly?

Sorry, but by your description I cannot see you being comfortable.

I did not understand the whole problem though.
Do you argue about money?
What is wrong with you going out, while he is gone?
What is wrong with his new job?
How does he react to being treated like a child?

Can you put whatever is bothering you in a few simple sentences?

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Rocky in the 3rd year

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