My apologies to writing your name wrong. There is no implied superiority
at all, it is just surprising and remarkable, especially since you had not
taken the advice that was given to you by lots of a2kers. I also wonder
what message you're sending to your daughter, when staying in an abusive, submissive relationship for allegedly monetary reasons.
Reading the original post.
First thing that comes to mind is the girl is wondering and mad because "Where were you mom, for all those years, and now you want to tell me what to do? Ha! Right" cue the rolling eyes and real anger and hurt there.
Instead of taking a defensive approach with her, as though she is someone who can actually rustle your feathers and be any sort of threat ; a calm and strong approach and a hell of a lot of patience may be better.
I do agree with spending more time with her, and building on the relationship.
OP, you present the situation as if you are a victim to circumstance. Woe is you! Gosh, your life is so hard. He was so mean to take away your kids? There is still obvious resentment for the ex. Well, get over it.
Teenagers don't want to hear that. You don't even need to SAY it outloud; it is everything you do and everything you are.
They want to be acknowledged. They want a parent who owns their mistakes. That is how a person learns; by what you do or don't do. How she is treated, and sees other people treated.
Have you ever apologized to her? Talked with her about it? Worked with it, from her point of view too, and then negotiate from there.
She is old enough to regulate herself. Your job is to guide her; not push her here and there.
I think trying to force her into council, was a big slap in her face. Were you willing to go with her? Or were you "sending her away" when things got hard (it's easy to start thinking a parent can't be bothered and doesn't care this way).
OP, probably won't even be back to comment.
one suggestions I can make .. is just remember not to talk down to them ... especially when they are trying to push for independence .. it will just make them push you away and resent you more .. speaking from experience
Its hard to hit a middle road of enforcing yoruself but not pushing them away
