No issue but more a debate

Interesting he should have phoned to at least ensure someone was home.

There are a lot of unanswered questions.

Did he know that she was married?

What exactly did he want?

How did he react when you walked in?

How did your wife react?

I think that there are just too many unknowns to even begin to evaluate what was happening. There are just so many possibilities, that one does not know how to perceive that particular situation.

BTW, did he ever show up on your doorstep again?

ok , yes he knew she was married ( i think we were married 2 years , today we married 11 ) , i have no idea what he wanted but not work related just general visit i guess , his reaction was what i guess anyones reaction would be when you meet someone for the first time so friendly , her reaction didnt notice but she knew his visit wasnt going to go questionless , no he never came over again .

So yeah , it should probalby read now " is it ok for a work coleque to look up a married girl and go visit her out of the blue "

I think this debate is about guys thinking with their other head and women thinking that all guys are nice and just want to be friends and i will give that in a small % but im talking 1 in 1000 guys that think with their other head

I think that's a bit weird, yes.

I tend to think it's more about cultural differences than male/female differences, though. In many cultures it's seen as no big deal to just drop by, and kind of weird and cold to have to call first. In American culture (and judging by dadpad's answer, Australian), it's expected that you call or ask in some way before just dropping by, unless you know the person very well (and even then not always, depending on the person).

I think that I would get very angry if someone dropped by, unannounced, out of the blue. My reaction would be the same for anyone, whether a neighbor or a friend. If it were a work collegue, I would consider it even more weird, and a gross invasion of my privacy.

People nowadays will use their cellphones for any little thing. How big a deal is it for a person to call ahead, say that he would like to visit, and ask if the person at home is amenable to having a guest drop by?

Do other people "drop by" your house all the time?

I know people like that - their homes are like revolving doors!! Kids, relatives, work friends, people crash on their couch, impromptu gatherings and parties, and even walking in without knocking!! - no boundaries whatsoever.

Perhaps this was no big deal to HIM, but she had the opportunity to let him know what your family's mind-set is about people who just "drop by." Did he get the message?

More importantly, is this an issue for you so many years later?

hey guys , thanks for the replies but I think a simple question has just just been looked into way too hard but I will reply to answers and please I mean no disrespect when I say that .

we are italian so yes our house is a halfway house with unexpected visitors flat stick , both my wife and I actually do enjoy people coming over announced , or if its b4 9pm also un-announced .

my question again is " is it ok for a male work colegue to look up a married girl that works with him and go and visit her at her home " and visa versa .


there are no issues related to this person , it was alomost 10 years ago , they havnt worked together for many many years , and they havnt spoken for the same , I trust my misses full stop hence why there wasn't an argument back then either so this question is just an example of a situation .

my reply to this question is that there are bounderies you can't cross with co-workers and to look them up and pay them a visit to me indicates some type of obsession or problem . I work with many girls and some of them are stunners but if I decided to go to the staffbook or phonebook and look them up I'd feel very uncomfortable with it as I would actually consider myself a startup stalker . If the situation was different and there is a work function , parners meet and mingle with partners and you form a relationship in that sense over time and an invite is given in terms of " had a ball bloke if your ever in the area stop by " that's not a problem .

I've no opinion thus far. I'm an woman in the US who doesn't like people dropping by, even friends. But in some places, like one of my old home towns, people do it all the time. So, it's hard to judge with what little I know of that old situation, the one 11 years ago.

I do wonder about this, quoting, "but she knew his visit wasnt going to go questionless". Does this mean you are fairly vocally possessive and controlling? I know it is very possible for women and men to be 'just friends'. It is also possible he was hitting on her without her interest as either friend or otherwise. Or possible that he took friendliness from her at work as flirtation. And that gets into the subject of flirtation. Many people, probably most at any given time, don't mean it as a serious come-on.

To answer your question, No, I don't think it's alright. It's odd, is what it is. It's not like they were friends, or had planned this, or talked about it, even...they're workmates, acquaintances, and that is unusual behaviour for acquaintances. Especially if he knew she was married. What was the purpose of the visit? What couldn't wait until he got to work and saw her? Yep, weird.