Do first impressions really count??!?!

Have you considered the possibility that maybe it is the second impressions that you are getting wrong?

Maybe if you weren't so quick to "back off" from someone after the second impression didn't meet your expectations, you might end up with more meaningful relationships.

It is the third impressions that are the most important.

ebrown_p- I dunno. I think that sometimes you need to listen to (if not completely act upon) your first impressions. I think, that if a person's emotional "antenna" is fine tuned, he/she often will observe things at a first meeting, that is uncolored by any emotional involvement. Once a relationship develops, often a "halo effect"* kicks in, and certain negative qualities are ignored or sidelined.

From my experience, one needs to really get to know a person, before one can make a reasonable evaluation of him. But I also think that it is important to remember what one has observed about the person from that first meeting.

I am thinking about my two husbands. I think that I had both of them "pegged" on the first date, although subsequent emotional involvement caused me later to disregard certain aspects of their personality. In the case of the first Mr. P, that disregard caused me to become involved in an awful marriage.



Kweenflipsta75- In the answer to your original question, I think that first imprressions DO count, but must be taken in context with what a person learns about another subsequently. Therefore, I could not answer your poll.

Maybe its you thats the problem Kweenflipsta75. maybe its you who are boring.

Ok I think I might be getting what you're saying here but heres one... When is is safe to say you gotta 'back off'? when can you confidently say that "nope, this just aint working"
I mean obviously if the person in question clearly had a split personality then yes by all means back off.... but in terms of the normal average joe...?

HAHA! believe me i've pondered down that path before.... but eventually came to the conclusion that everyone has different definitions of boring ( in terms of people around them)... to me it simply is a question of whether or not two people share the same interests. If one is interested in chess...the other interested in fashion they could easily find each other boring after a while right?!

Pheonix,

Kween didn't say she was looking for a husband... if this were the case I disagree with you even more strongly than before.

A first impression may be a good way to judge a one night stand... but a marriage?

It seems logical to me to have a long relationship on which to judge a potential spouse. My rule of thumb would be the that relationships with deeper levels of commitment require more time before a decision is made about whether to enter them.

Kween,

My point was that if you cut off a friendship based on a quick judgement, you could be missing out. My advice is to open yourself up to friendships with different types of people.

This advice also goes with dating (as your post implies). Going out (or is it "hanging" out now? (manI am getting old)) doesn't need to mean any kind of serious commitment. Especially if you are young you should be careful not to get into a rut where you only interact with people who are just like you.

One question that may be relevant here... have you ever tried Halo 3?

I also think that there is a big difference is what you look for in a friend, as opposed to what you look for in a romantic partner. As my mother used to say, "You can't have everything in everybody".

For a friend, you might find someone with whom you "connect" on one level, but not on others. One person may be the one with whom you discuss deep philosophical subjects. Another may be one that you want to be with, when you just want to be silly. And yet another may be a person who shares a particular hobby. With friends, it is not necessary that you mesh on all levels.

With romantic encounters, with an eye to possible long term relationships, the scenario changes. Here, you need to find a person with whom you connect on many levels, who shares the same life vision as you, and has similar values.

Boring? Sif. Kweenflipsta75 is probably one of the least boring people I know IRL.

First impressions are good.
Second impressions are what makes it last.

Hell if I know anyways since I've never even been in a relationship before. Wtf am I doing on this forum??

I say taste all the wines several times before buying the bottle.

To cut someone "off" because of a first or even second impression, is limiting oneself.

Don't be so judgemental and so quick to come to conclusions. And be more casual, too.

I do believe that first impressions count but remember what Chris Rock says...When you first meet someone you're not really meeting them. You're meeting their representative.

In about 90% of cases,first impressions does not matter.People are always conscious of the fact that they are been watched when they are in a new environment or circle and so tend to behave. and the fact that theywant to create an image that can be appreciated makes it the more so.
As such it is always better to allow time to pass ,watching closely the commitment level before forming an impression of the other.