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Thu 27 Dec, 2007 10:52 pm
Hi
I'm just 24 years old. I really feel depressed at this moment and i was finding a place to throw of my feelings.
Few months agao , i broke up with my x bf due to relaitionship problems. Reecently , when i started attending some event meetings , i met this guy. He was Mr.S. The first time i saw him , i didnt like him neither i was interested to be his friend , but somehow we got our cards exchanged and he started calling me 1 day later. We use to have phone conversations and he use to express how he feels abt me but usually i do take it as jokes.
Anyway , few weeks later , my friend decided to get a tour fixed and with no choice , 4 of us travelled for a holiday to indonesia - 2 couples.
Relaitionship started on the day 2 that we came up to a situation of hugging and kissing. Even i had my self control , we just had romance till now but not sex.
The romance has continued up till today as well.
Problm is , he is married with 2 kids , successfull and i dont wantto be a destroyer of his family. Maybe he is desprate of a womans touch. Im just trying to help him bbut deep in the bottom of my heart , i feel guilty.
Can someone advise what i can do?
Am i making a mistake?
Lookking for a kind response.
Thanks
Hi RichGal and welcome to A2K.
As someone who use to be "the other woman", I say "yes" you are making a mistake and the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away.
It's just not worth it and you will live with the guilt, just as I have.
WHAT'S SO ATTRACTIVE ABOUT THIS GUY?
He's married
He cheated on his wife AND children.
He's successful in his business. (has money?)
He's got the best of two worlds - a chick on the side AND his wife and kids.
He's a lucky guy!
You, on the other hand, are being used.
Good luck and be prepared for a future of being the second woman.
Is that good enough for you?
In the meantime, all the real guys are getting away!!!
hi ya RichGal!
Welcome sweety!
Truthfully, affairs seem really great initially. As time passes, you begin to feel guiltier, used, you want him to acknowledge you publicly, you realize you are hurting his children and your own life is in some suspended limbo because ultimately, affairs aren't real relationships. Too much is missing.
You deserve to be in an above board relationship wherein you are the primary--not secondary woman.
This isn't the moral answer, so to speak, but the best answer for your future psychological health.
Good luck, darling.
RichGal, exactly how much money do you have?
"Richgal" is engaging in dangerous behaviour. Some young women get off on the idea that they are more attractive, and more womanly than the wife of the man they are cheating on. Has he told you she is frigid yet, if he has, be prepared to deal with the feelings of betrayal when you learn that he and his wife are expecting another child. When you look for comfort you may actually get people to murmur something soothing, but I can tell you they are only avoiding telling you that you have been a sap. This story is as old as time, even if he leaves his wife for you and you triumph in the big win, it won't be too long before you are 27-30 and are suddenly a little long in the tooth for Prince Charming.
Cut your losses and distance yourself from this dishonest man. Get involved in groups where you can meet actual single men and avoid all the anguish that this will cause everyone. This jerk has children, do you have any idea what that does to kids when they realize daddy doesn't treat mommy with respect, and he sneaks around to hide the affair. Really, don't put yourself thru this, you won't look back with regret that you stopped the affair, but you will regret you engaged in one.
Richgal,
You've made a big step in just reaching out and asking for some help. I think that says a lot about you. It sounds like your mind is telling you that this is wrong and that you don't want to do this but something is drawing you to him. I think you should keep posting here if you don't have anyone else to talk to about this. There are people here who are happy to talk you through this and guide you in the direction that is best.
Marty is right! Sometimes we just need to talk to people, but it's difficult when it's a touchy subject.
I remember how scared I was when I revealed my involvement with a married man, because I knew some would judge me for that, but I took the chance and it turns out that there were far more understanding folks than I imagined.
I ended that relationship I had with Mr. Married several years ago and I was so filled with guilt that I never went there again. I have long forgiven myself and am very relieved to be free from it.
You sound like a very nice person and I'm hoping things work out for you and that you find love in all the right places.
And always remember, what he does to his wife, he'll surely do to you.
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