Reply
Thu 27 Dec, 2007 06:43 am
January 2008 I would have been with my partner (we are not married) for 2 years. Over this time we have been extremely close and lived in one anothers pockets. We did everything together and he quickly involved me in his life in London where his family live.
As my partner is Turkish and I English we have encountered many problems whilst in London. Over the last year I have called things off on many occasions. As ever I care for him dearly and can't think I can live without him.
We have had a rough ride over the last year and he moved in to my house just before he stopped working. After 2 months I asked him to leave my home as I was frustrated that I was working very hard and he was in my home doing nothing. He moved to London and that was when things changed.
After his move I started up my business in recruitment and became close with a friend of mine and my brothers who owns a recruitment company in London. As Jay and I were not seeing one another I spent a good 3 weeks gitting to know about how to run my business. I met his family, friends and we started a relationship.
It was amazing and I was so happy having fun and being spoilt it was like a fairytale dream. But I felt guilty as i felt like I was cheating because I was still in contact with my previous partner. Things became very tricky and I kept the two partners separate not knowing of the other.
This Christmas I am in France with the rest of my family as I can not bear the pressure of keeping each a secret form the other. I have had great fun with the recruitment guy and because we were friends before I can talk about everything. He has even said he wants to marry me.
My guilt and sadness at this situation I am in has taken its toll on my health and life in ever aspect. I feel like I want to run away but know that I have to do something, I just don't know what to do.
My brother thinks I am with the recruitment guy yet I know he is suspicious of something. I have no one to talk too as I am a very private person. I am dreading New Year 2007/2008 as the both think I am spending it with them. Please help me. I just want to be happy again.
I just can't believe I am in this situation as 5 years ago this happened to me but the guy was married and had a child and I never knew. I think that is why I am hurting so much as I know who I felt. I never wanted this.
I would appreciate any advice, but please do not give me any abuse as I know I will be punished one day.
Thank you for listening.
Milly x
Milly--
Welcome to A2K.
You seem to be a woman prone to falling in love.
Unlike many of our recent posters, you haven't publically promised life-long fidelity to either man, whatever your conscience may say.
Your Turkish man may be exotic, but is his world one that you really want to share for the rest of your days?
Deciding on an escort for New Year's Eve is important right now, but in the greater scheme of things this is a small problem.
Liberation is more than sexual freedom. Sit yourself down for an afternoon--or for as long as it takes--and figure out who you are and where you want to be this time next year....and then in five years...ten years...
Make future decisions while thinking of your welfare, not of the neediness of the men you attract.
What kind of "contact" were you having with your former partner? You said he left, you wanted him to go. So what was your understanding with him about the relationship? Did you end it or not?
If you really felt connected with Number 1, you would not have started up with Number 2.
It's OK to be dating 2 guys. The trouble is YOU FALL IN LOVE SO SERIOUSLY.
Why don't you just be casual for a while? Let both of them know you must step back and get to know yourself better before plunging in so intensively.
Then DO step back and get to know yourself better.
You are in love with being in love, right now.
Burning the candle at both ends results in a lot of light for a short while but the candle doesn't last very long. Pick one side of the candle to give you light and extinguish the other side.
When number 1 left the house we were still seeing one another. After about 6 weeks the relationship broke don completely but we would still sms oneanother and talk on the phone. We did not see on another for the whole 4 weeks i was with number 2.
Number 2 gave me what number 1 did not. That was time and his kindness. I am not in love with number 2 but i care for him dearly. I have stepped back from everything as it is just too much. Unfortunalty number 2 wants more but I feel i am in too deep to say anything to him as it would be terrible if he kne I was seeing number 1 again.
My brother is close to number 2 and iam scared everything will get back to him.
I know it is bad of me to say, but I can't do casual. Perhaps I need to step back from both of them at a loss to myself, but I guess that is my own fault. : (
I'm inloving with being cared for by number2 the way I have always wanted as he has everything, unlike number 2 who i think ilove but has nothing......sad but i am 30 and would like security and children soon.
Milly--
Cynical bit of pre-liberation wisdom. It is as easy to love a rich man as a poor one.
There is nothing overly materialistic about a practical approach. You're dreams for your future are permitted to include some material comforts.
I think you need a number 3!!!
You don't have to marry EVERY person you THINK you love - unless you are a Hollywood starlet - and their marriages don't last for over 6 months.
Slow down. 30 is still young. You know what you want. It's not EITHER of these fellows.
Keep looking . . .
(PS Why do you care so much about what your brother thinks? This is YOUR life!! Tell him to bug off)
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace