Slinkies and stepsons

Princesspupule, Mama Tiger--

Calm down.

In the greater scheme of the world, swiping a Slinky is not a sign of a disfunctioning family--or even a disfunctioning child.

Theoretically children are angelic at Christmas time? Hah. The guy that came up with that theory was never around over-excited children.

Your stepson swiped the Slinky--then he lied to his father because he knew he'd done wrong and he was ashamed.

Of course, he shouldn't have sucumbed to temptation. Of course, blended families have extra problems. Of course, Slinkies are highly desirable objects--and very delicate objects. As a Mother of Sons and Stepsons, I learned to accept that the life-span of a Slinky was likely to be brief.

Remember we're talking about a toy you can buy for $3 at Walgreen's.

You've had a difficult year, trying to make everyone happy. Your results are paying off in the long run--and in the short run you're frazzled and stressed and just a bit manic.

Is there any chance that you can get an Adult Day of Christmas this week? Get out, away from the kids, indulge in a bit of self-pampering? Perhaps even a Date Night?

You've been Very Good this year and you deserve something special from Santa.

I think that noddy has given very good advice.

Just one thing that bothers me about your post. You refer to his son and my son. This may say more about the situation than the fact that the slinky ended up with the other child.

I do know that things can be placed in the wrong stocking even though we are sure that we did everything correctly. This happened to us yesterday when we mistakingly put an item for one child in the stocking of the other. I am not saying that this happened in your case, but it is possible.

I hope that everything can go well for you in the coming year. It is not easy with a blended family and it does take extra effort and patience.

We haven't been especially good at blending just yet. B and I aren't exactly headed toward marriage after living together for a couple of years. In fact, we have agreed that if we aren't ready to get married when I complete the nursing program in the summer of 2010, he will help me get a house of my own. Until then, we can't afford a second house, and certainly the effort to pay for a separate household would prevent me from successfully completing the nursing program... B has diabetes and sometimes says outrageous things when his sugar levels are off. Those things have included evicting us from "his" house. I only stay because I see no other way out of the situation I helped create than to go through it.

K, the stepson, is a known thief at school and in the neighborhood, but B denies this. If I mention it, I am being all kinds of mean nouns, and so, I don't mention them more than once when they come up because I don't like to be called names and I don't want to incite potential eviction. I have been told that my place is secure here so long as I am positive and upbeat and work hard around here. I'm never sure if he recognises my efforts, they seem taken for granted or assessed as inadequate. I hope I can make it through the next 2.5 years successfully. In the meantime, I am the mother figure in the household to the kids, but have little authority over K.

Btw, he lied about taking the slinky because he thought his father would believe his lies and he would get away with it as much as he did to cover up his shame. The kid had no concept of shame when we moved in, I'm not certain he has developed one, to be honest. He almost got away with stealing an electronic toy from some classmate about a month ago; his father believed his lies about it at first. He's always believed first, then when things are disproved, B (the father) gets all quiet and introspective and shuts down rather than following through with any really truly corrective punishment. I think he has such high hopes and expectations for his son, who fought to live after birth traumas and defects, who B nursed through a number of life threatening crises, but his son has developmental delays (which aren't talked about- K is expected to try harder, not be seen by a doctor--- his teacher suspects he has ADD) and sticky fingers. The rules in the house have always been different for K from my 3 big kids. J, our 2 year old together, we discuss how to handle the disciplining of a strong-willed slightly spoiled 2 year old. I don't think B refers to all the children as his, but don't know for a fact. I do know he made time to go to K's conference, but not the other kids' conferences. I went to all. He went to a program my 16 year old was in for Christmas, but not any of her volleyball games. He's supporting sending her to Germany for a few months, but told me just last month that I had better save $2,000.00 by February if I seriously wanted her to go to Germany. I thought he was saving our money for that, but apparently I was also supposed to save... We don't communicate well, obviously, and when we do, I try to keep it all positive and upbeat.

As I suspected, the problem goes much deeper than a stolen slinky. I am certainly not qualified to comment further on your situation, but I do hope that things can work through for all of you. Best wishes.

Princessp--

You have my sympathy, being a stepmother for a kid with a father refuses to act in the kid's best interests. Your situation is worse than mine because my sons were older and not agemates of the Problem Child.

Of course a seven-year old can't dangle a Problem Child upside down from a third-story window, either. (This was not a completely negative experience for the Problem Child, but I don't recommend it.)

You must have days when 2010 seems very far away.

Marriage to a Diabetic can be ghastly. Mr. Noddy is a long-term diabetic. Usually he's a mild mannered man, but he can turn into an irrational fury when his blood sugar is out of whack.

Can you accept that your ethically disadvantaged stepson is Not Normal. You can't cure him--just enduring him and mitigating his anti-social behavior is all that can be expected of you right now.

I hope 2008 is an easier year. Hold your dominion.

[quote="princesspupule"]We haven't been especially good at blending just yet. [/quote]

You can say that again...
This has been going on for several years and I really feel for you...

If I were you (and I am sure I said that before), I would not put up with it.
I would do anything to get out.
You (both) seem resigned that you are just staying together for the lack of a better (convenient) option.
Do you think you can live like that for another two years?

I do not have any real advice for you either as I have never been in that situation.

All I can say is that I can imagine what it may feel like, and I hope things can calm down even just a little to give you a bit of a break.

If that child is so comfortable with stealing, maybe gifts need to have the child's name on them from now on to at least combat that little bit of stealing?
That way, at least in the house, everyone knows their toys are safe with them because they can prove what belongs to whom..