Thanks for all those E-Mails this past year

Dear Friends:

As we close out 2007, let me thank all of you for all those emails this
past year.......

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one
about rat **** in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel
with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open
for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.

I am now broke but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending
me for participating in their special e-mail program .

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me
to split $7 million with me for pre tending to be a long lost relative of
a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can rem o ve toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along
to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
filling up

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine < BR>because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me
instant death when it bites my ass.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the
car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on
your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened
to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-l aw's seco nd husband's
cousin's beautician.

By the way...a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have
infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the
mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!