Am I Just Too Jealous?

Personally I think that disabled guy is lucky to have a nice friend like your wife. It would be nice if you could feel relaxed about their friendship. I doubt very much that there is anything "going on" between them, but I don't know your or your wife or her friend.

Generally, when I am carrying on with a married woman, I take care to do it when her husband isn't around, so I think that what you see is innocent. When they stop doing those things is when I would worry!

I agree with contrex. If something was going on, (if it even could) it would not be happening right in front of you. I think that your wife is doing her best to bring some sunshine into the man's life. Be grateful that you married such a caring woman.

Also, acting jealous and possessive when there is no reason is a pretty good way of driving someone away. It is very disagreeable in a partner. Believe me, I have had it happen to me!

My friend is married and whenever I see them, I always give him a good hand shake, and I always give her a nice, totally innocent minute-long boob massage. Luckily he's not the jealous type like you, or this friendship would be in trouble.

Awww, Kicky, you're such a good friend.

Sorry, I can't see the wheelchair as an excuse for your wife acting like that in front of you. (By the way, handicapped people in wheelchairs can and do have active sex lives. He's not dead, for heaven's sake! Give him some credit)

Tell her how you feel when she does not stay within the "wife" boundaries while you are in the room with her and her friend. She's teasing both of you men.

You are not wrong to feel uncomfortable, and you need to speak up.

What culture do you come from, Sullyfish66? Your advice is very patriarchal by modern Western standards! "Wife" boundaries indeed!

Or maybe you were joking?

I happen to agree with Sully. Touching is a no-no to me. What you describe sounds like they have an attraction, and I also agree that the wheelchair shouldn't factor in.

"Wife boundaries" (haha...poor choice of words, Sully)---it should be an agreement for behavior in both partners. I guess if both partners were ok with touching, there would be no problem...but if one partner does have a problem with it---it should be discussed.

Honest communication is sorta required to keep relationships healthy. I think it is a normal thing for a man to tell his wife he's uncomfortable with her touching another man.

As long as it goes both ways, I guess, although I'd rather not have a partner with such a big rod up their ass that they need to say stuff like that when nothing is going on. Next stop divorce court.

You don't know nothing is going on. Those lingering gazes...wtf?

OK - make that "marriage boundaries" - and if you don't think there are certain behaviors that married people don't do with other members of the opposite sex, (in front of the spouse) then stop reading here.

Rubbing, gazing, secrets, touching, with another man?

In front of my husband? Never!

Am I Just Too Jealous?


As someone suffering through the heart wrenching destruction of that simple little thing people dismiss casually (An Affair) Just how do you "know" that nothing is going on? If her husband, who is supposed to be the #1 man in her life, is uncomfortable with this thing that's going on, that's enough to warrant an end to it. In my experience, people use any excuse to have someone of the other sex touch them. If that someone is another's spouse, it ain't right.

I'm with Lash and Sully on this one - if you're uncomfortable, there's probably a reason. And handicapped people CAN have sex, etc. It's not nothing.

Just tell her what's on your mind. If the guy wasn't handicapped, what would you do? But that issue aside and deal with it like you would any other guy.

Both my husband and I have been in situations when someone acts in a way that makes one of us uncomfortable. I think an honest airing of your feelings is good, there is nothing wrong with telling your wife or husband that something makes you uneasy. It's not even a matter of trusting your wife or husband, there are reckless people who take cruel pleasure in overstepping boundaries in front of people's spouses. I don't know what compels people to do this, life seems complicated enough with out asking for trouble. And as far as the guy in the wheelchair goes, it certainly sucks that he has health problems, but it doesn't give him the right to act in a disrespectful way to you. Iamb willing to bet your wife hasn't even thought about the attention being inappropriate, she probably thinks she is making him feel a little better. She should understand your discomfort and then should create a few boundaries and keep the drama down to a slow roar.

Many many years ago before we got married, I was hospitalized with a hot gall bladder, and had to have surgery. I can't forget the women who shared my room, a complete stranger, who although wasn't someone I was going to be great buddies with, we could shoot the breeze waiting for our family to visit and wait to be discharged. After the first time she met my then boyfriend and now husband, every time right before visitors hours, my fellow surgery pal would start taking off her clothes. It was one of the most surprising things I had seen up to that point, there was nothing at all attractive about this woman, but I guess she thought her lady parts were something every man should see at least once in their lifetime. And if she thought they didn't notice she just did it again and again, Dad hadn't told me about women like her. My poor husband would just pull the curtain to avoid watching her pathetic display and I was still pretty young so I would stuff a pillow over my mouth because I didn't want her to hear me laugh and think I was mean. I know its dumb, but I was young, never occured to me she didn't care what I thought. It was so unreal, I couldn't even get angry, it was so sad, and I wasn't happy that it struck me so funny. God what I could do for a repeat of that display at my age now. Maybe youth really is wasted on the young.

I don't know why she did it, or why she thought anyone wanted to see her posing with the 9 inch surgical scar down her stomach, or walking around in the hospital slippers all blubbery and bare ass, but it's a safe bet it wasn't the first time she flashed anyone nor the last.

Hm, I think jealousy is a factor of how insecure you feel with yourself
and within your marriage.

If you trust your spouse and you're secure in your marriage,
some friendly padding on the knee towards a friend, won't make you
feel jealous.

Was this friend already a friend of your wife's before marriage?
When did he become a friend, and why is he not a mutual friend?

I have experienced a jealous partner, so I am very sensitive to these
issues, and I would be offended if my spouse did not trust me with
a friend, simply because he's of the opposite sex.

Re: Am I Just Too Jealous?


Hello, Hubster, welcome to A2K.

I don't think jealousy is the right word. Neither is daft correct. I don't think your jealous or daft. I also don't think tickling/fondling someone's shoulders/neck, patting someones thigh/knee, or eye-locking for 20 or 30 seconds are nothing. I'm on the fence about playfights and silly pet names. I think what your sensing is flirting that's gone past the point of innocence.

How's your relationship otherwise?

I know that it would bother me and I would talk with her about it.

Just the fact that you are bothered enough to wonder about it (and sane enough to have at least a little doubt about your own motives) tells me that it is probably something you and your spouse need to discuss. If nothing else, you need to establish some boundaries about what is, and isn't an acceptable level of flirtiness and physicality in your marriage with others of the opposite gender.

I know what you're experiencing would bother me.