New Element (Gv) Discovered

The New Element (Gv)

Recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a
new chemical element. Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has
one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.


These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact.


A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
normally take less than a second to occur to actually take from four
days to four years to complete. The active process is called
retardation. Governmentium has a normal half-life of two to six years;
it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.


In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since
each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration.


This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When
catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element
that radiates just as much retardation energy as Governmentium, since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.