I need a hug

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First off, let me thank all of you for listening to me whine. I really appreciate the support you all offer.

It's been a little over 4 years since my ex left. I really do feel that I am way over him. It's just the fact that he left the way that he did. So I'm trying to be a big girl and get over all of the hurt. Our relationship with each other is so strained that we basically communicate via email. But the rare times that I hear his voice or see him I crack. This morning we were about 5 minutes into a conversation about our son and I felt the sudden urge to cry and had to hang up.

What is up with that???

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Your mind abhorres him, but your body says otherwise?

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(((marty)))

You don't have to like someone to love them. And even if you aren't IN love anymore, I imagine you still care for him as he is the father of your child.

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((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BEAR HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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Thanks you guys. I'm wondering if this emotional attachment is getting in the way of my finding love again. Why is it that I haven't been dating yet? Come on, it's been 4 years and I'm not dog meat.
I have sooo many questions at this point in my life. I thought I had answers before and now I'm lost. I'm freakin 41 years old and I don't know where my life is going.

(ranting a bit aren't I?)

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Hug that monitor tight.

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Marty--

Tears can be a socially acceptable expression of anger. Are you angry at that two-timing SOB--or at yourself for "allowing" his betrayal to happen?

Passive women and control freaks suffer in different ways. (I tend to be a bit of a control freak, myself. I haven't spent any time with the First Mr. Noddy since our sons became adults--and I don't want to, either).

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I think you're wonderful, Marty. Now come over here and give me a nice long wet tongue kiss.

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(((((((huge hug, Marty))))))))

I also think that you need to resolve your emotional attachments
first, before you're able to get into a new relationship. Perhaps a good
therapist could help you cope with it better. The very least, he/she
can give you some pointers in how to change the pattern in your way
of thinking.

You're beautiful, in the prime of your life, and there should be absolutely
no reason, why you can't find Mr. Right (just make sure his first name
isn't "Always").

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Re: I need a hug

martybarker wrote:

First off, let me thank all of you for listening to me whine. I really appreciate the support you all offer.

It's been a little over 4 years since my ex left. I really do feel that I am way over him. It's just the fact that he left the way that he did. So I'm trying to be a big girl and get over all of the hurt. Our relationship with each other is so strained that we basically communicate via email. But the rare times that I hear his voice or see him I crack. This morning we were about 5 minutes into a conversation about our son and I felt the sudden urge to cry and had to hang up.

What is up with that???

His behaviour is all about him, not you. It sounds like you might be taking this personally, and you shouldn't. He likely would have done to others what he did to you. Again, his behaviour is about HIM. Your behaviour is about YOU. So...it's time to let that go and move on. It's history. Over. Done. You didn't deserve it, life's not fair, etc. - we would all agree to that. But what are you going to do with the rest of your life? Let him and what he did ruin it?

Be grateful for all the positives in your life. Be grateful he can't do that to you again. Be grateful you don't live with someone who would do that to someone he 'loved'. Be grateful it was only x years of your life with him and not more.

Think about where and what you want to be and what you want for yourself and your kids and focus on those things, not him and the past.

What would you tell your best friend if she were in this situation? That's how I check on my progress... what would I tell someone else? If it's something different from what I'm doing, it's a really good wake up call.

Good luck with this.

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Noddy24 wrote:

Marty--

Tears can be a socially acceptable expression of anger. Are you angry at that two-timing SOB--or at yourself for "allowing" his betrayal to happen?

Passive women and control freaks suffer in different ways. (I tend to be a bit of a control freak, myself. I haven't spent any time with the First Mr. Noddy since our sons became adults--and I don't want to, either).

Noddy,
I'm angry for both reasons. And I find myself a little of a control freak and a lot of passive.

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Bella Dea wrote:

(((marty)))

You don't have to like someone to love them. And even if you aren't IN love anymore, I imagine you still care for him as he is the father of your child.

Bella,
I feel guilt because I really don't feel like I love this man. And I definitely don't like him!

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Mame,

I do feel extremely greatful for the positives in my life. I get down at the times where I struggle with things that we once agreed to handle together, like my son's education or behavior issues.

And therapy has helped me in the past and I'm definitely considering making another round of appointments.

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Francis, You said it!

ab·hor /æbˈhɔr/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ab-hawr] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
-verb (used with object), -horred, -hor·ring. to regard with extreme repugnance or aversion; detest utterly; loathe; abominate

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Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BEAR HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Awwwww, thanks

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Slappy and Kicky,

Thanks, I needed that. You're both great.

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CalamityJane wrote:

(((((((huge hug, Marty))))))))

I also think that you need to resolve your emotional attachments
first, before you're able to get into a new relationship. Perhaps a good
therapist could help you cope with it better. The very least, he/she
can give you some pointers in how to change the pattern in your way
of thinking.

You're beautiful, in the prime of your life, and there should be absolutely
no reason, why you can't find Mr. Right (just make sure his first name
isn't "Always").

I need a hug

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