Getting TOO Serious TOO Soon!

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After seven months of sobriety and eight months of self-imposed celibacy, I decided to push the envelope and start dating again. During my recovery, and I didn't realize this until I opened myself up to men (I am bi) but "marketabilty" has grown considerably since getting sober and working out, etc. Another older woman said that sobriety can be better than plastic surgery.

Anyway, I met this professional man from San Jose, divorced five years, three adult children, he rescued his addict/bi-polar son from the streets a year ago when his son finally came to him ready for help, got him in rehab, got him a job and allows him to rent a room in his house and save money to get out on his own. I accepted a date with him Saturday night and we had a great time at a couple of great Halloween parties, then I succumbed to my desire to end my celibacy breaking my three date pledge. (None of us are saints) Turns out, we hit it off big time in the sack, spent the good part of 24 hours in that regard. Not to brag, but he absolutely adores what I do for him sexually. (And I love the way he loves too) We also feel very comfortable just being together, he is very affectionate and an old-fashioned type gentelman, opening the car door, etc. He is also fairly well off. So Saturday night turned into a two day date and we are meeting again today and going o spend the evening and morning together, we also have tentative plans for the weekend together.

Now keep in mind, I am a sexual and relationship addict as well, in being honest with myself, I realize it was a mistake to get this involved so early in my recovery. OTOH this guy at his point seems perfect for me and almost exactly what I was looking for. He seems to be even more hot for me than I am for him which might be good. So I guess that both of us are fools rushing in where angels fear to tread.

I am self-aware enough to know that this relationship is "progressing" way too fast. OTOH some of my advisers say sometimes it just happens that way when you meet Mr or MS Right. As well, I did have the belief that my higher power would allow someone to come into my life who is right for me. And I believe that if it doesn't work out, then my higher power has something better in store for me. In reality though, I think if this affair ended abruptly, I would be very hurt. But then again too, probably only for a few days until the next one comes along. One thing I realize, there are far more many men looking fo someone like me than I could date in ten lifetimes.

One other thing, this guy is already talking (kiddingly?) marriage but, in all seriousness, he is looking for a long term relationship and has been for quite some time. For me, this may be the first time in my life in a real relationship as I was unable to experience real love and intimacy while my mind was clouded with drugs and alcohol.

So am I rushing in too fast.? (I know the answer) But given that, what do I do now?

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Unfortunately, meeting either "the" right person or "a" right person does not always happen to a timetable or plan. That's the wonder of real life! If this guy seems right, and he feels the same, it may well work out. Speed of becoming attached to each other is not an indicator either way, good or bad, in my opinion. I once met a lady at a Halloween party, we were both drunk, we went back to my place that night, we moved in in together the next March, that was in 1993. We are still together and we are inseparable and very very happy. On the other hand, I knew my first wife for 4 years before we got hitched, and it turned out to be a disaster.

Mind you, the very fact that you are asking "Is it OK to love this guy?" on a web forum may indicate that you have doubts and/or reservations, and maybe you should spend some time clarifying what these may be.

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contrex might be right (and i'm certainly not contesting his success) but perhaps you don't need all the pressure right now.

i'm not talking about ending the relationship, either! if it was up to me, i'd just make him see the importance of giving you time, (and fun,) but that's not how life works, where people just *understand* without thinking about it. sometimes it does, perhaps you can relate it to him.

and of course, maybe i'm wrong.

don't stress too much, and don't give in too much to other people stressing. you don't have to be the one compensating for that.

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We spent another wonderful night together, he lives an hour and a half drive from me. We had planned to make appearances at a couple of my old hangouts. Halloween is a big day in San Francisco and I am getting a lot of mileage out of my Dominatrix "outfit"

He, of course, has a very responsible job, and called me to say that he had a long and exhausting day (12 hours) and to ask if it was OK just to spend a quiet evening and morning at his place. I said that was fine so he drove all the way up to pick me up and take me back which, I think, says something that he would do that when he was so exhausted. So we got back and got comfortable and, not to get into details, but he is pretty amazing for a 50 year old guy. So he wakes me up around 8:30 am, he is ready go again, (guys love sex in the am) then his radio goes off and he has to be at a jobsite at 11 am. So we barely have time to get dressed and take me home, etc. I said a quickiewould be OK, he said "Well, hon, we don't even have time for that." So we kissed and then, of course, a few seconds later, we were locked in love. Of course, it was a quickie but he promises to make it up to me this weekend.

We hurriedly got dressed and he took me back to San Francisco. At this point, I am beginning to feel a little bit secure in the relationship BUT if it lasts through the weekend or even has a change of heart and we never see one another again, I am OK with that, though I would certainly prefer that the relationship progresses. OTOH there are an awful lot of guys out there who would die to get me where he has got me, so it is a win-win situation for me as long as I stay centered and just take one day at a time. Though we haven't committed to "going steady" like we used to say back in high school, it seems, in effect, that is what we were doing, at least for now. I forgot what he said exactly but from what I can gather, he hasn't been in a relationship for awhile. His job demands so much of him, I doubt whether he has much time to chase after women and then "service" them three or four times a week unless he is Superman Laughing

I have a couple of open coffee, lunch and dinner invitations, it might be healthy to see other men with the firm resolve not to hop in the sack with them. Anyway, it is win-win for me.

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I decided that I was becoming way too available for this guy in San Jose so I accepted a date with this really cute 27 year old guy.(I am 59) He took me to China Beach, a secluded cove that near Golden Gate bridge where nudity is apparently permitted.

It was such a beautiful day and my resolve to hold out evaporated and we made love right there on the rocks. Love on the rocks. LOL This guy lives with his parents and is trying to launch his own business, he was telling me that the house overlooking the beach is valued at 56 million. He wants to buy a house like that and a Lamborghini and all the other toys. He wants me to be his mistress as his parents will insist on an arranged marriage. (He's Persian) Obviously, I fulfilled a fantasy for him but that is OK. He REALLY enjoyed it. So did I.

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This thread sure is getting steamy! At the age of 69, Roxxanne, I am sure you are far more mature than any other potential supplier of advice on here. I hope you are taking STD precautions!

PS have you seen the "My new lady friend turned out to be a slapper" thread that was just started by "SanJoseGuy"? (joke)

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69??? That would indeed be something for someone to look like that at 69!

Here is a scoop, I went out with another younger guy a Malaysian) last night, and I kissed him on the cheek good night and hugged him. But then he called me tenj minutes later and told him how much he was turned on the way I looked him in the eye and touched him. He said he ished I had just grabbed his hand and pulled him up to my apartment! Than he anted to kn if he could just come over! (No!)

And to think I denied the male population my enchantment all that time while I was exclusively Lesbian!

But at least I am learning to say no. STDs are a problem for millions of sexually active adults, one needs to follow safer sex practices. There is a risk in everything. Vaginal intercourse with a condom is relatively safe. There is only one documented case worldwide of HIV transmitted during fellatio.

At least that is what the AIDS researcher I dated told me.

LOL

Persian guy called today and got my voice mail he wants to know if I want to "go to the beach"

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If it's any help at all, I don't think you should be worried about you doubts- you have evidently had a lot of bad experiences as well as good ones, I think you have good sense to be cautious and not slip back into your old ways. But if something seems so good, run with it.

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Getting TOO Serious TOO Soon!

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