When to Call CPS

I have some serious issues with much of the content of this thread. What i am reading is mostly lack of knowledge of CPS/family Law/Childrens Code and the legal system (courts).
"best interests of the child" is never a simple straight-forward agenda due to the conflicting definitions/laws and social/religious values.

Please do not rethink going through with this!
At nine years old, I fear, irreparable damage might already be done to the child, but you might be able to stop it from getting even worse!

I know you are worried about Diane and really busy on the homefront, but , if you have time, I would love for you to elaborate.
Tell me what it is that I am missing.
What should I expect.
And what can I do to keep this report going? Or do I have to do anything at all?
What happens after the initial contact?

I know I sound like I believe that CPS is some kind of disease that will infest a family..
Believe me,I dont truly think that.
Im just concerned because, if they have to remove her for her safety, that could cause alot of harm on the rest of the family.

Again, not my burden, but they are people too, and I can not imagine how that will feel for them, or what it could do to them.
Then comes that all emcompassing feeling of personal responsibiliy and guilt.
but, that is just me.
I know her life and how she is treated is not my fault, but now that I know her family secrets, it is my responsibility to speak up for her no matter what.
it just doesnt feel good to do so.

So, what happens?

oops, my response post disappeared. I will try to get back here later, in the meantime call your Child abuse reporting hot-line and remember to say you are reporting "emotional abuse" NOT physical abuse. Also keep in mind that CPS does NOT have authority to remove a child without a court order.

After making my initial post, I have done a lot of research and have asked a lot of questions and.
I am now a lot more clear about what goes on and how the steps are taken to come to the conclusion to remove a child from a home.

I have to apologize that I jumped to the conclusion that the child would be removed as soon as I hung up the phone. I truly did not know how the system works.


But now-

I have called the cops on them several times. Screaming, hitting, fighting, drugs.. you name it.

I have also started talking to the little girl more too.
Not because I am going out of my way.. but because I am spending some more time outside and.. well.. she does too.

I see her sometimes, watering my plants for me.. or.. taking down a bag of trash I may have put outside.

All of this is sweet, and I just think she is the greatest little thing here.. but I am feeling like she is , I don't know.. crossing a line?

She peaks in my windows now.

In fact, I just caught her again.. Though I don't think she KNOWS that I know.. but I do.

I see her racing down the stairs to try to hide from me.. and.. well..
I don't know.

I wonder if I am being TOO nice to her.

part of me wants to just pull her inside and let her sit with me , on my lap, in a nice safe warm home and let her feel safe.

The other side of me tells me that I am the one who wants to cross some odd line by feeling that way.

She and I have talked a lot. One discussion we had ( we being her, me and her friend and my daughter) about cussing was quite interesting.

See, I allow my child to say pretty much what she wants unless it is directed at someone with the intent to hurt.
This includes cuss words.
Which.. as soon as I gave her that power with those words, they all but left her vocabulary.. but that is a completely different thread.

Little girl down stairs heard my daughter say '****' when she dropped her toy and it broke. She then began to cry ( because of the toy breaking) and the little girl downstairs thought she was crying because she said ****.

I heard her tell my daughter that it was ok, no one heard her and she would not get in trouble.

I let her finish telling her that she was ok, then I came over and started talking to her.
I told her that in my home, we are allowed to say what we want.. but we are not allowed to hurt each other with our words. It was ok for her to say **** when she dropped something and broke it. Especially because that toy was new and important to her. Using a word like **** was just a way to emphasize her feelings.
But to call someone a ****, or other cuss word was not ok.

This conversation lasted a while. I never said that I could hear her parents. Nor did I let on that I knew what was going on in her home. But I think she knew..

And ever since then, she has been .. well.. watching me.
Peeking in my window.
Always wanting to be around me
Watering my plants
Taking down the trash... you name it.

I have a few ideas for this situation, but.. I will keep my mouth shut for a while.

listening...

The fighting is coming to another fever pitch.

It seems that they are on a four month cycle. Sad that I know this..

Last night , after I got home from work we got to listen to their teenage son scream and cry about his parents not being normal, and asking why he could not have a family who doesn't fight.
All the while his parents are mocking him, telling him they don't care, and fighting even worse.

It ended with his mother and himself leaving in his car.

What happened with the father I don't know.

I am going to write up a good letter to my landlord today . I don't want to take that route because that would mean they would / could be evicted and then I feel I can no longer help. Though I don't think I am helping much as it is.

My daughter told me last night, once everything was quiet, that " They yell and hate mad at night right mommy?" " are they gonna be sad?"

I assume what my husband and I hear misses her ears, but I need to stop assuming so. She hears it too. I mean.. how can she NOT.

I'm still on the fence about setting up a recorder in our home to play the noise we hear to someone else if need be.. but I don't know if that would ever serve a purpose.

I want to write to the landlord.
I want my family to have a nice quiet place to live.
Adults have the right to argue in their own home and that is what they are doing.. but they are doing it so that the entire complex can hear them and they are also doing it to a point of harming their kids. I can no more prove drug use between them as I could infidelity. But i can hear them and I know what they fight about.. all the time, over and over again. I would like to let my landlord in on all of the details when I write him, but I think that would be unfair of me.

He knows a little bit, but not a lot. And what little I have told him, I do not think he really heard.



We have almost 14 days in a row off together. A huge stack of movies , 2 boxes of hot chocolate a handful of gifts, christmas cards we are still making, happy pets, and soft blankets..... Lets hope I don't have to buy ear plugs for our holiday too.

Also listening. I know what you mean about "the line" but I don't have any advice about it.

Wow.
It has been several months since I wrote about the little girl.

I guess I can start by saying that the druggie dad is gone. And I do not know why. But this is something I am curious about so I will ask... in due time..


She comes over a lot now.

She plays games with us. And just today , lost her intimidation and sat on my couch close to me to watch me play a dreamcast game.


This little girl is AMAZINGLY smart.
She has been given several tests at her school and she has passed them ALL . I think from the sounds of it that she may be up for consideration of skipping a grade.

Her home is now peaceful at least by sound.

I can smell a regular dinner time
Hear actual laughter that comes from the GUT

Her door is open a lot and I have had a few small conversations with her mom. She trusts me enough to allow her daughter inside with us to play games and just hang out.

I missed her carnival today though.
She told me about this last week.. I was excited for her to be participating ( being in charge of the blow up slide) and I asked her if I could go and the look on her face was priceless..
She was surprised that I was considering NOT going.. ha

When we got home today she was waiting on my porch.. soaked with water and sweat... green hair layered with random shinny confetti and sand all over her cheeks disappointed.

I sent hubby and child inside to talk to her.

I felt horrible. I told her I wanted to be there. She told me when it was going to happen. -I forgot all about it-

I apologized to her in several ways. She seems to understand. And it was after this interaction that she seemed to have completely let down her timid nature and just came in our home, and sat on our couch and truly enjoyed herself.

We had ice cream. Played crokinole , played resident evil, thumbed a few wild flower seeds around our apt and just had a really nice, calm.. day

So I guess the point of this post is that things have been progressing to peace for her family since he left.
I am assuming he is gone to jail. Any other time they just 'seperate' he comes right back running.
This time I have not seen him for weeks. And it has been really lovely for them.

I mean , the mother is actually OUTSIDE and talking to people! She is smiling a lot. She is cleaner. She is busier. She does not seem so frazzled.
Her daughter plays outside almost everyday

And now.. so does my daughter.

They are becoming fast friends with the few years between them.

I can not say it enough.. SHE is such a wonderful young woman.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful

very heartwarming update.

It'd be nice to hope the father stays away.


But....if he's just in jail, I wonder for how long?

Ohhh.. I need to learn boundaries.

Anyone giving a class on that? I could really use it..

She .. ( girl down stairs) has come over to my house now.. quite a bit.
I adore her. More then I dare think I do. She is freaking hillarious, has a sense of humor no child should ever have...and is really smart.

We have a lot of board games in our home. Some of them rather complex, 4 hour or more games.. A few that are aged for 20years and older .. not really due to subject matter so much as complexities..

Little lady downstairs masters them in minutes.. sometimes beyond my own comprehension

I ... rather jokingly.. though not really.. asked her where her dad was.
The look on her face was odd.

So I tried to laugh it off. ... and in my ever so unpolite, selfish, crappy way.. actually made the joke that " Oh dont worry. everyone goes to jail every now and then. Even I have been there"


That was just not appropriate.

And I can tell.
she has not come over in a couple of days.

I will figure out a dignified way to apologize. I really will.

But I realized just how much she is here.. and I am thinking that I am starting to turn this into some kind of selfish , self satisfying charity case.

I have been able to talk to her mother a few times.. and.. im frankly surprised that I like her.
We like the same radio station.. both LOVE a certain french restaurant that just opened its doors close to us.. both.. sort of talk to our kids the same way. She is just another mom like me.

Why does this floor me?

Why am I so concerned?

I feel like I have done something wrong here.. I just cant peg it beyond the possibility that I have twisted what was supposed to be genuine HELP into some ego feeding charity case. Eh.. thats not a big deal huh..

(sigh)

I can completely see being you. I've no bright advice, or even bad advice, but just saying I understand.

I know you may feel bad that it will hurt the family. But the poor innocent girl does not deserve that. If they would step up and be parents they wouldn't have to have CPS be called on them. You need to do it. I always put myself in the innocent child's shoes and think how I would feel living like that and not being able to escape. You should definitely call them!!!

Concerned, this is an older thread. But - welcome to a2k, stick around and see some of the newer threads in the parenting and childcare forum, or others.

link - http://able2know.org/forum/parenting_and_childcare/

I know what your going through. Excpet its a little differnet because I know it from first hand. My father and step mother abuse my brother.
The call him everything they call that girl AND they hit him.
They will lock him in his room with noting but a bed, no pillows, no sheets.
Everyone in my family tried to reach out to them. I stopped visiting(Considering I'm only 15 so i have the right to chose) called CPS a few times...

CPS didnt do a damn thing........

All it did was tare my family Apart.

Im not saying dont call them, but i know that its hard on the family.
but then again, they may not be as cruel as my father and his wife.

Good luck,

Krista Allen

If I understand it, Krista, cps only intervenes in more horrendous situations. But I don't know, re that. I'm an outsider, but I'll go ahead and guess they are clumbsy (bad spelling) and slow as an organization - people working, or were in your city at that time. That they missed your situation makes me cry.


One of my best long time friends is named Krista - and so what - but I figure you may have a few of us out here who are on your side.

i have a question. I am really at a lose. I am a nanny for a family of 3 in allen tx. a 16 yr old handicaped, 12 year old girl, and a one year old. The house is a mess. weeks worth of dishes and scum on the counters, tables, and carpet. I take care of the baby 3 days a week but the sisters say when the parents are home they let the one year rome around or just sleep through his cries for hours when he wakes up in the morning. They have 2 pets that they barely care for, and let the baby eat the food and have the litter out in the open so he can get into it. I do not stay there with him i take him home one my 3 day work week. When parents are home he can rome anywhere, there are no child safty locks on the drawers, and there is always tabacco left out with in reach of the child. there are plugs open and wires for computers everywhere the baby can be at. I am so worried for him. ON top of everything else, the baby is lactose sesitive and the parents disregard the situation even when the docter says otherwise. what do i do? This is such an extreme situation.

a very, very sad situation. It makes me cringe when I think of the damage they are doing to this little girl. If something isn't done to protect her, she will most likely 1. turn to drugs, 2. try to off herself, 3. grow up to believe she is exactly what they say to her. This is a form of Child Abuse. Go to a payphone and make an anonymous call to children's services. Someone needs to protect this child.