Reply
Wed 24 Oct, 2007 06:32 pm
Neil's mom asked Anu Garg if there was a word in English for a parent who has lost a child. Are you familiar with Anu? Google the name and discover a person who loves words. Strangely, oddly, sadly I think, there is no word, no name, no honorific, no title, no label or tag in English for a parent who has lost a child.
I find myself using a euphemism even asking the question, I do not say 'a parent whose child has died', I say 'lost a child' which could be just a overbusy soccer mom losing sight of her two boys at the mall and has nothing remotely to do with the incredible tragedy of a child's death.
Suppose we create a word, something that means monumentally heartbroken, not permanently, we know that time will bring some healing, but shouldn't we have several words?
One for the parents whose baby, barely born, dies. They should have a word.
Another for the parents of the teenager, who wasn't even supposed to be in the car that hit the tree out on Highway 9W, last Saturday night.
Shouldn't there be a word for the parent whose child of nineteen was seen at the movie theatre parking lot eight years ago and hasn't been heard from since?
And shouldn't there be a word that solely refers to a mother or a father who have rushed to their child as they lie dying in the street right out in front of their home? ('Oh, poppie, I hurt' he said and sighed his last breath.)
And I know there are Gold Star Mothers, but as one of said to Anu, "Everyone in the family is hurt and hurting."
What is wrong with English that through all the centuries none of it's speakers have coined a word to be worn by parents full of grief and grace?
When we read out the names of the dead from our wars and we ask the mothers and the fathers of the fallen to rise and accept our deepest condolences, should we not have some word of honor and respect for them in their darkest sorrow?
Joe(for Neil's mom and all the others)Nation
You are very right, Joe. How do we not have a word for this?
And is it just us Englishers? Are there words in other languages for this? Neil's mom (he was Lieutenant killed in this present war) offered zeitlang from the Pennsylvania Dutch, but it translates, Anu says, to more of a feeling of loss than of actually naming a person who has lost a child.
We often talk about where a word comes from, this is the opposite. Are there reasons a language doesn't have a word for something? I mean besides the usual geographical "The tribes in the interior of Kalimatan have no word for ocean." sort of thing.
Could it be that having children die is either so awful, or worse, so common amongst we humans that we have avoided putting any long term emphasis on the condition?
Or is it that having a child die doesn't change your legal status in any way like having a spouse does, hence widow-widower, so there is no need to give you any special word of recognition.
Joe(Any other languages out there?)Nation
Joe- You are absolutely right. Come to think of it, I can think of another, related word, that is missing. You have widow and widower for someone who has lost a spouse. But what about someone whose parent has died? Yes, you do have orphan, but that is used when a child loses both parents, and is not appropriate when the child is 55 years old.
I just looked at my sentence. "Loses both parents"? That's ridiculous. The parents aren't lost....................They are dead.
Could it have something to do with westerners denial of death?
These are madeup words:
http://www.kotapress.com/section_home/dictionary_A-B.htm
dunno if they help at all.
No luck at thesaurus.com
I believe such a word exists in Chinese (not sure if it's in Cantonese, Mandarin or both). I only know because I worked with a Chinese woman taking ESL classes. She asked me what English speakers call the second daughter. I told her just "the second daughter or perhaps the younger daughter". She said in her language each family member had a specific "name title" so you always knew their status in the family. She then asked me how she would refer to a mother who lost her daughter and I said "bereaved mother who lost a daughter". She was surprised she needed to learn so many words and she said it would be very simple in Chinese. She said a word (have no idea what it was) and explained that by using that word someone would know she was a mother whose second daughter had died. Maybe someone on this board who speaks some form of Chinese can better explain, clarify or confirm.
Quote:Could it be that having children die is either so awful, or worse, so common amongst we humans that we have avoided putting any long term emphasis on the condition?
Or is it that having a child die doesn't change your legal status in any way like having a spouse does, hence widow-widower, so there is no need to give you any special word of recognition.
Having a word, a label, give you power over the situation.
There is no word for losing a child in the same way there is no word for a person overwhelmed by a lava flow or battered by a hurricane.
There is no single word powerful enough to express unnatural, untimely bereavement.
Can't you say 'orphaned parents'?
Tat's how it is done in German - since 'verwaist' means both ('Waise' = orphan is actually nowadays only used for children, but actually should have child mentione = Waisenkind = "orphan child).
I imagine that the child mortality rate through most of human kind's existence was so high that such a word would have been redundant.
Holy Cow, jespah. This is quite a link. I only made through a few pages.
(I done some circling cleaning myself.)
Green Witch: Someone must know.
Noddy: Hi, I think that guy in the lava or the hurricane is a victim, but, yes, having a label or a name is about power and the bereaved have so little of it.
Walter: I think the word orphan doesn't fit with adults as it does on children. Phoenix is right about those adult children whose parents die, they aren't ever called orphans even though they technically are, they are 55 years old after all, not eleven.
+++
Throughout the seven week trial they referred to the victim's father, the victim's mother and the mother of the victim's five year old daughter.
=======
Joe(It should be something short -tornheart- ?)Nation
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace